byebyefatgirl
Keeping my weight under control has always been difficult. The only times I have been thin in my life are when I was taking large amount of diet pills. Diet pills have been my dirty little secret for years. I am now thirty-nine years old. I have three little girls under three. Diet pills are no longer an option. I am ready to change my life so that I can be present for my girls and hopefully my husband. The truth about my life at the moment is crystal clear. I feel miserable and I look horrible. I have diabetes. I snore. It is hard to move around. I HATE getting dressed. My weight has caused me to go into hibernation. I have realized that being obese changes how people treat me. I wish I could say it does not bother me that I am not included in social situations but it does. I have learned that people make assumptions about me because I am fat. I actually heard my in-laws asking my husband over Xmas, "what is she doing about her weight? Is she just being lazy? Has she just given-up?" I could give a thousand excuses as to why I am so "big" (as they refer to me.) The bottom line is that I did this to myself. I may not have looked "big" all my life but I have always been "big". What I can not live with anymore is the absence of affection from my husband. He did not marry an obvious fat girl and though he has hardly complained his actions speak volumes. He has not touched me in a year. Our marriage vows said for better or worse and he is sticking it out but we both deserve better. It does make me question how much he loves me. I can promise I would still find him attractive no matter how much he weighed. I am having VSG for me and not him. I just wonder how things will end-up.
