Jenn A.

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Since I've updated!  I've been pretty ill and unhappy for the past few months, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised.  It all started...

I got back from Puerto Rico and started having abdominal pain.  I went to see Dr. Tran and he referred me for a CT scan.  That showed Mesenteric Adenitis, but nothing else.  He suggested I go see Dr. Razavi, the gastroenterologist.  Dr. Razavi scheduled a colonoscopy and then suggested I go see a cardiologist since I'd started suddenly passing out too.  I went to see a Dr. Sheikh, who tested me and said my heart was fine. He then sent me for blood work to test if I had hypoglycemia.  I had to drink this horrible drink, which I promptly threw back up.  I still had to go through the 3 hour test, where they drew blood every half hour.  Turns out I'm hypoglycemic... Meanwhile, Dr. Tran gave me some pain medicine for the abdominal pain.  I ended up having an allergic reaction to it and going to the ER via ambulance.  

Then I ended up back in the ER two weeks later when I passed out completely, this time in the parking lot at the mall (I wasn't driving I was actually walking to my friend's car).  At that point, the ER doctor noticed some "neurological signs" and suggested I see a neurologist.  So I went to see this neurologist who decided to set up an ambulatory EEG.  In the meantime, he gave me some medicine to take which I had another allergic reaction to and ended up in the hospital again.  He got the EEG done and interpreted the results to say that I had epilepsy.  Since he'd seemed kind of "quacky" (the day he set me up for the EEG, I was in his office for 5 hours while he tried to figure the machine out.  Finally he gave ME the instruction manual and I had to talk him through how to set up the computer).  I decided to go see my new general practitioner to see what he recommended.  He suggested another neurologist.  Meanwhile, I finally go the colonscopy done.  Boy was that fun.

The new neurologist was great, very compatent and seemed to really know how to talk to and treat patients (her name is Dr Haichicho if anyone in the Washington area needs one ever).  She sent me for a Tilt Table test with another cardiologist.  This cardiologist, Dr. Banks, found that my heart rate increases by over 40 beats a minute when I stand up, which effects my blood flow and causes the passing out episodes.  It's called postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome.  He gave me some medication that will help, but has side effects like extreme cold sensation and goose bumps.  Yeah, that's so much fun too.

Dr Razavi got the results of the colonoscopy back and I have something that might be an allergic reaction to some food, but he thinks the abdominal pain might be due to the POTS and restricted blood flow to my intestine.  

So in the end, I now have a condition that there is no cure for (and even the medicine doesn't prevent me from wanting to feel like I need to pass out half the time), another condition that means I have to be even more careful to watch what I eat, since if I don't eat regularly I get low blood sugar and start acting sleepy and drunk, and I'm still bloody exhausted all the time.  I'm just finally getting back to work full time, and since I had such issues after surgery, I really didn't have any leave to use.  So I've been on restricted pay (or almost no pay actually) and trying to pay my huge rental costs here in the DC area.  All in all, it hasn't been a great few months...

 

So last week I went to Puerto Rico on business.  While there, I did things I never would have been able to do last year at this time.  I went hiking in the rain forest, I rock-climbed, I went swimming in a waterfall and I went horseback riding.  I can't even imagine having done any of that a year ago (or even less than that!)  Thanks so much Dr. Tran and Dr. Halmi and Natalie.  I literally owe you my life.

I'm now down over 100 pounds, and according to my weigh in at Curves yesterday, I've lost over 10 inches in the past month alone!  I also lost 5.8% of my body fat!  How great is that!  Of course, today, I've eaten poorly, but I've not been feeling well and have been eating the "comfort foods."  I shouldn't make excuses, and should just accept that I ate poorly today and need to make attempts to stop doing that. As it says above, "I'm a work in progress."

So I decided to join Curves.  I had been going to Gold's Gym, but I got so bored after half an hour or so on the Eliptical or bike that I wanted to scream!  Curves is so much better, and I can already see results.  I am a bit disheartened by the fact that I haven't really lost weight, but I can see the difference in inches.  My arms alone have started to look more human again and less like a flag waving in the breeze!  I've been having fun with it, and the time goes so quick.  I only wish they'd rearrange the machines occassionally, as I'm worried I'll get bored with doing the same circuit over and over again if it doesn't change once a season or so.

Well, I think I'm finally starting to do a bit better.  I've been more conscious again of what I'm eating, and trying to stay away from things that don't do anything for me nutritionally.  I've also been going to the gym on a regular basis, which has helped me finally fit into another pair of "goal" pants.  Of course, I'm still fighting a lack of energy problem, but hopefully that will calm down eventually too.  

My situation at work has not improved, but I've decided that life is too short and precious to waste being stressed out over something as trivial as work.  I'll do exactly what I'm told, and stop worrying about whether or not it is the right thing.  I'm not going to be guilted anymore when I have nothing to do at work, despite asking repeatedly for assignments.  If my bosses choose to not utilize me to my full potential, so be it.  I think that's helped my eating settle a bit too.

Now if I could just gain some energy! LOL

Wow, it's amazing how difficult it is to keep up hope.  And then I look at where I was, and where I am, and am amazed.  I'm 5 pounds short of having lost 100 pounds!!!  I never imagined that.  I guess I keep looking at all the things I've screwed up lately instead of the things I've succeeded in.  

Granted, I have not been doing as well with my eating.  I've been very stressed and unhappy with my work situation, and that has lead to some bad habits recropping up in my life.  The past month I've been getting over 1000 calories a day, which is WAY more than I need or should have.  But, I'm still trying.  I haven't been to the gym as much as I'd like, but that will change.  I can do this, and I can succeed, I just need to keep reminding myself that its an everyday battle, not just a one-time off thing.

Last week I was doing great.  I even was going to the gym nearly every day and doing 2 - 2.5 miles RUNNING!  On Monday of this week, however, I wasn't feeling very good.  That just seemed to start off a bad week for me.  I ended up missing three days of work, and getting in only about 200-400 calories for those days.  So then, on Thursday I had a doctor's appointment with Dr. Tran and Dr. Razavi.  I hadn't really eaten much that day (5 crackers), so when I left the offices, I was feeling really worn down.  I went to the grocery store and got some good stuff (carrots, apples, cheese, tilapia) and then a small bag of these Munchies chips.  I ended up eating half the small bag for dinner that night.  On Friday, I ate the rest of the Munchies for breakfast, and then didn't get a chance to have lunch as my office kept me bustling all day.  When I got home I was really worn down again and my stomach was hurting.  I was meeting a friend for dinner, so I didn't want to snack.  I tried just drinking water in the hopes of appeasing my stomach.

We ended up going to dinner at Red Lobster, and I ordered sensibly.  I asked for the Seafood caesar salad with NO dressing and NO croutons and NO cheese.  But then they had to put out those darn Cheddar Bay Biscuits.  I was so hungry and was staring to feel kind of pukey, so I ate part of one... and then the rest of it.  And then it was 1 HOUR before our food came out and I ended up slowly eating a second one.  

I'm just really feeling ashamed.  And I don't really feel well enough to get to the gym yet either.  It seems like I was craving carbs or not eating much at all.  I know that this is a "One day at a time" journey, but I feel like such a failure.

I'm really kind of proud of myself.  I did pretty darn good eating over this holiday season.  I helped my mom bake 20 dozen cookies and ate not a one myself!  I ate a tiny bite of one of the date cookies, but it wasn't really all that interesting to me.  Then for Xmas dinner, we had meatballs, stuffed shells, antipasto salad and italian bread.  I ate a meatball, the "guts" of a stuffed shell and a piece of ham and cheese from the salad.  For desert I had a tiny slice of the sugar free peanut butter pie that I had made.  I did really good!  

The days leading up to Christmas were kind of hard, but I did pretty good those days too.  The only thing I didn't do, was walk as much as I would have wanted to.  It was very hard when I was helping with the cooking and babysitting my nephew (who was born premature and can't really go outside much yet), to find the time.  Plus, I was so tired at the end of the day I really didn't feel up to it!  Being at my parent's house in the country also made it difficult to find a place to walk.  Walking along the road isn't safe, and everything else was pretty much mud.  I did manage to get my mom to go to the Peninsula with Cleo and I for a nice long walk the one day, but BRRRR was it cold!

Anyway, I'm not losing weight as quickly as I would like, but I am trying to be good.  I know I need to do more than just walk, so my New years resolution is to get into the gym at least 3 days a week and use the eliptical.  I think I'm finally in a position where I am feeling well enough to do that again.  I'm not sure I'm up for full out running, but I'll get there.

I also did a lot of "closet" cleaning this weekend.  My do I have a lot of clothes that don't fit anymore!  I'm wearing sizes now I thought I'd never see again!  And the bag of pants that I'd put aside until  I was small enough to wear?  They're too big already!  I missed the opportunity to wear them!  I'm not complaining, it just feels really good to be losing this weight and starting to look more like my own age.

Thanks Dr. Tran and Natalie!

I was doing so good today!  I had some chicken and veggies for breakfast (yes, a very strange food for 5:30 am), turkey, cheese and crackers for lunch with a slice of apple and part of a small chicken breast for dinner.  I had one Scitec Brownie to get my protein in and I was good for the day!  And then, suddenly, I decided I had to have peanuts.  Yes, they were roasted and non salted (although raw would have been best I guess), but I didn't need them!  I was watching an episode of Charmed and got hit with head hunger.  I haven't yet developed strategies to deal with that I guess.  When I'm at work I often forget to eat until I smell other people's food.  Maybe at home I just have too much time on my hands?  I also am finding that if I stay up late and am watching TV or whatever, I get the "munchies."  I've tried to eliminate things from my apartment so I am very limited on what my "munchies" can be, but it's still so ridiculous!  I want to eat to live not live to eat!!!  When do I get there!!!!

I am so proud of myself!  I got a lunchables type lunch for dinner tonight (crackers, cheese and ham) and it had a little crunch bar inside. I threw it out!!!  I am so amazed.  Before, even when I was trying to diet I would rationalize with "it's tiny" "it can't really be that many calories"  "it's wasteful to throw it out."  Now, however, I had no compunction against tossing it!  GO ME!!!