CatieDid
1st Appointment, Hello New Found Love of Life!!!
Nov 09, 2009
11/9/2009Well, I did it. I went to an appointment at the Naval Hospital and met with my PCP for the first time. I have not had a PCP since.. oh.. 2003 maybe? I have had a wonderful OB/Gyn whom I love and adore. But he's not Navy related in any way and doesn't really have the clout it takes to get my WLS referral ball rolling.
The person who is supposed to be my normal PCP called off sick today I guess.. so I saw a temp. doc named Dr. Weldon (Dr. Well Done, lol! That's really the only way I'm able to remember her name) She was pretty neat. When she walked in the room, I could tell she wasn't too keen on WLS. She immediately asked me why I didn't just do what WLS would force me to do without having to worry about the risks of WLS. I got into "educate" mode, and schooled her in the very sweetest way humanly possible. I am not a mean person, just honest and articulate. I did indeed school her and I exposed a great deal of my life story. Gave her the skinny on my husband and what I've dealt with for over 5 years now being married to him. My late husband dying of Sudden Death while playing basketball, during which time we were both on Atkins Induction Diet and had each lost about 30 lbs. My two oldest children having Cystic Fibrosis and me really just wanting to give them the very best life humanly possible. My utter and complete guilt for being an inactive mother due to my larger than life size and just feeling so so wretched for not "having it together enough" to make the change from Super Morbidly Obese to Healthy (whatever weight that may be). I want to LIVE, I want to show my kids how to LIVE! I want to be able to get a great job, and support myself and my children! I've got super duper people skills and great work experience, but I'm so over the top heavy that I doubt any great employer would hire me, I LOOK like a liability. Don't you think If I could do it on my own I would?! YES! Of course I would. Certainly.
She sat and listened, asked me questions, listened some more, I cried once (yes, I'm emotional and soft hearted, still after all the crap I've been through, no hard heart here) :) And at the end of the appointment, she was gung-ho! I gave her a piece of paper with Dr. Chebli's information on it, explained all that I knew about him and told her I trusted him and his reputation. She said that she would order all the pre-op tests that she knew Dr. Chebli would want and all the tests that she knew the navy/Tricare would want. IT'S ON FOLKS!
This decision has been 8 years in the making! I debated loooooong and hard over this choice. I know the in's out's up's and down's of the majority of this surgery. All I have left is to experience it myself.
I do not take this lightly. But I will no longer take the fact that I have only been "Existing" lightly.
It's time to L.I.V.E!
Wednesday, I'll wake up bright and early and go down to the Navy Hospital for my labs. I am so excited and truly hopeful at what mine and my children's future may hold now. I want to feel full after 3 small bites, I want to feel light and energetic.
I want to be able to hop right up and run outside after my precious little kids! Slide down a tunnel slide with them over and over and then roll down the huge hill with them!
I'm tired of hiding from life because I'm too physically and emotionally broken down to manage anything else.
I'm tired of being married to someone who mistreats me and demoralizes me and snaps/picks at me always and for no real reason, who thinks it's okay seek out other women (the bigger the better btw, he does not want me to lose a POUND, he wants me to gain!) on internet dating sites. But instead of just fessing up he says he did it out of bordem or to see if I was secretly on the site. Pfff. I'm loyal to the C.O.R.E. He knows good and well that I would NEVER EVER NEVER EVER in a thousand-zillions years be unfaithful. I will divorce his arse and move on someday though, straight up. Once I can actually land a great job, I WILL NOT PUT UP WITH HIM or ANYONE ELSE who wants to see me miserable. It's a good thing I was married once before and am completely aware that marriage can be wonderful and sweet and precious and faithful everyday. I know what true love is. But all things happen for a reason, and my late-husband's death will not be in vain. I will empower myself and end this marriage if that's what needs to happen. I can probably put up with most everything he has done to me, but NOT cheating. I don't deserve that. Next subject :)
Well Lovies, I'm prepared for a happy and joyful ride to Healthville. I can't wait for my kids to get the mother they deserve. I am naturally the most hopeful and optimistic person you will ever meet. I am naturally a lover of life. This girl is getting her groove back!
XO!
Catie
HW 332/Today 312/Goal ?
