Carolyn Lacy

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I made it through the surgery but had a few complications.  I was anemic before the surgery and was taking medication for that and had a bit more internal bleeding than my doctor had liked.  My blood pressure went too high and they got concerned over that, I was dehydrated, and my white blood count was crazy... so all this had me staying 5 days instead of the expected 3.  I overheard the nurses say they were astonished I was being discharged but I was sooo ready.  I knew I'd begin feeling better at home.  My back hurt from the bed, my neck was sore, I was sore all over... I was just miserable.  The nurses and staff were superb though and addressed my every need and concern.  No one prepares you for how much it hurts afterwards, but to me it felt the same as getting a c-section.  I'm on medical leave for 3-4 weeks now and am up and walking quite a but but then all of a sudden I feel completely weak so I lay down and rest.  Today, I made an appointment with Dr. P's office for my 3-4 week appointment early Dec. and I hope they call back to confirm.  I'd go through it again just for the feeling of hope I'm experiencing concerning a new life and possibilities.

I can hardly believe it, but tomorrow's the big day... the first day of the rest of my life.  I'm excited but nervous.  I'm not nervous about the surgery but rather keeping up with all the demands and responsibilities this procedure requires now for the rest of my life.  I know I can do it... I have no doubts.  It will be rough the first few weeks but hopefully by then I'll learn how my new pouch works.  I will definitely stay away from foods that will hurt me and not try to be too adventurous.  So, am packed and ready to go.  I'm washing some clothes and cleaning house.  No food or drink after 8 a.m.... ugh.  My son and I will leave at 4:30 a.m. and should arrive in San Antonio by 6:30 and check in at the hospital.  I still can't believe it's tomorrow!!  Today was my last day at work and I had mixed feelings but am happy for the 3 weeks to heal and get used to the new me.  So, wish me luck and send me prayers!!  

A new Carolyn emerges tomorrow!

Still very nervous about not having lost enough weight but at this point will see what happens.  The support group I went to said not to worry but I still do.  I just want this over and done with.  I'm ready to start my new life.

I drove up to San Antonio for my pre-op tests and to get the admission paperwork out of the way.  The hospital is very nice and the staff were very helpful and friendly.  I had to get labs, x-ray, and an EKG done.  All those tests took less than an hour... took more time to drive up!  So, now am awaiting October 31st!  I'm happy to get this behind me and start living my new life!  It hasn't sunk in yet, but it will soon...lol.

It struck me today that the goal I've had for the last nearly 35 years of my life to lose weight will finally be met!  It gave me a huge jolt because where do I go from here?  I've decided that my target weight won't be an actual number as a "feeling" of wellness.  I'm hoping to get to 130 but the reality might be different due to my body's own set-point so am keeping an open mind.  I can't remember being smaller than a size 18 (as an adult).  The smallest size in my closet right now is a size 22-24 so that means I'll need to buy more as I go down the scale.  Who knows, I might look and feel good at 170, but I hope not.  I really want to explore how much I can safely lose while abiding by all the rules gastric by-pass patients live by, but I'm not going to get upset at myself because I'm not a size 6!  I will deal with this as I begin to lose the weight and experience the physical changes as they arrive.  

So, MAINTENANCE is the next obvious step after I reach my ideal.  I want to stay within a 10-15lb arena.  I don't think maintenance can be considered a goal since it's something I will have to do the rest of my life, like breathing or sleeping, and yes... eating ... as in eating the right foods in the right amounts.

I remind myself daily that losing the weight will NOT solve ALL my problems.  I'll still have plenty more to deal with but being healthier will enable me to more effectively approach and handle those potential problems.  

All can think of is just getting through the surgery, starting down a new life road and I pray that God will provide the rest of my wishes and desires in a way He thinks is best.  What I want is not always what is good for me... so, learning to trust will be a challenge.  I'm an instantanous woman and like things NOW so this is something I have to work on.  I have to continue the 'one day at a time' mentality because then I get overwhelmed and it seems too much to handle.  I still can't "visualize" myself skinnier since being obese is all I've ever known. 

These are my thoughts today...

I hate weekends while I'm on this diet.  Weekends used to mean eating whatever I wanted to, but not anymore.  I cheated a little bit (ate 2 meals instead of the one small), and I had a cookie with a bowl of icecream... I was WEAK!  It's Monday morning and I'm back on track though.  23 more days until Halloween and my surgery! 

OMG... this diet has been sooo hard!  I'm doing pretty well so far and it helps that I don't have a lot of groceries at the moment.  My darn kids bought icecream the other day and I saw them eating it and was not happy about that, but they shouldn't be punished because I'm on this diet.  All I can do is take it day by day.  This is NOT going to be easy by a long shot.  Right before I fell asleep, I heaved a heavy sigh and thanked God I made it through another day without cheating!  Weakness and fatigue have really plagued me lately!  I am completely exhausted by late afternoon.  I suppose my body needs time to adjust to the changes I'm enforcing on it.  On a good note:  I got plenty of exercise in yesterday.  I walk up 3 flights of stairs (albeit slowly- no elevators) to get to my office daily and several times a day at times.  Yesterday I did it 5 times!  I also mowed the lawn and we have a huge lawn- the grass was knee high or longer in places.  I'm paying the price today, let me tell you!  My hands hurt the most- I guess from grasping the bar too hard.  I thought I'd have no problems falling asleep last night because of the exercise, but I did.  I tossed and turned all night and am VERY sleepy this morning.  As I was slamming the alarm clock on my beside table, I kept telling myself, "TGIF!! You can do it!"  I am praying that next week I'll feel less tired and my body will adjust.  

One day at a time...

My surgeon uses a specific diet named after one of his collegues, called the Cavazos Diet for the next 4 weeks until surgery.  The diet consists of 2-3 protein drinks a day, LOTS of water, and one meal consisting of a palm sized chicken/fish and steamed veggies COMBINED.  This diet will help me adjust to smaller portions and reduce the fat around my liver reducing possible complications.  So, what ALL this equals to is HUNGER!  I was not prepared for how hungry I'd feel and tossed and turned all night feeling my tummy grumbling.  I had really strange dreams too... man, oh man...lol!  My mind is made up though and there's no turning back now.  It's been over a year that I've steadily worked up to this point.  My advice to any who have to do a 6 month diet... TAKE IT SERIOUSLY!  I didn't and so didn't lose much weight.  The more you lose the less time on the pre-op diet! [Note:  Physician, insurance, and Surgeon requirements differ per person].  So, I am kicking my self in my over-abundant booty for not losing more and taking things more seriously.  I was afraid to lose too much and then the insurance company deny me, but my history with obesity insured that wasn't going to happen!  Hopefully, the hunger pains will lessen and I'll find other non-food activities to pass my time.  TV is the devil... all the food commercials are insidious!  Commercials take aim at our weakness and vulnerabilities.  My solution for now, at least until I feel stronger, is to read a good book.  Christine Feehan came out with her latest "Carpathian" novel, "Dark Possession" so am greedily gobbling that up.  Kresely Cole's, "Immortal Series" are a fun read too!

Autumn is a wonderful season that portends the holidays... the eating holidays!  Aye carumba!  God keep me strong!  Yesterday at work, the College of Education asked if our department (History) wanted to participate in a Halloween Extravaganza Luncheon.  Our dept. usually does something each year on this date anyway so everyone was in favor of the idea.  So, sat through a meeting and forced to listen to tales of BBQ brisquet, sausage, and other goodies people will be bringing.  I have my surgery to look forward to that day which will keep me focused and excited.  

Thanksgiving will be coming soon too but am consoling myself with thoughts of wearing smaller clothes and trying to refocus myself from food to family and friends.  I'm sure I'll be able to eat mushy stuff and that will be fine.  Instead of focusing on what I CAN'T have, I need to be focusing on the bigger picture of why I'm doing this to begin with!  I may get find of whiney as it approaches so bare with me.  

I got a call from Adana in Dr. P's office this afternoon and I have a surgery date!!  Get this, my surgery date is HALLOWEEN, Oct. 31st!!  I said a big surgery like this deserves to have it's own big day (he, he, he).  She will fax me some information and I'll be all set!  I have to go to SA to do the pre-op tests Oct. 19th.  I'm nervous and excited!!

I sent an email to my surgeon and he got back with me almost immediately... WOW   !  He said for me to continue on the pre-op diet as planned and that for me to plan on my surgery being either the middle or late part of October!  That's encouraging news!  I'm starting to feel nervous about this now .