Cheriehott

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Hello again.
This weekend was really hard for me. While I am working, I dont' think about anything but work. But on Friday, the dread comes in. I was so mad that I had to Not go to work for two days. I knew that I would get depressed. However, Chris called this morning at 1 AM to let me know that all is well and that he will be boarding a plane soon to get to Jalalabad. (He is currently in Baghram, Afghanistan)
It was so nice to hear his voice after so long. I realized that I had been stuffing my pain deep inside, and when I was in a quiet moment, I started to panic inside. It's so hard because I can't cry in front of my kids, and my sister and family don't really understand. It's hard to explain.
So, I decided to get out and do something. I got myself a cylandrical clear glass vase and a huge bag of M and Ms. I am going to fill it with 285 candies...one for every day that I have to wait to see Chris again when he comes home for R and R. I will eat one candy per day, and I will mark the vase as I count out the candies to see how many days are left.
I also got the kids some construction paper and cut it into thin strips, taped it together and made a bunch of chains....one per month per kid....i.e. Joseph has a chain for each month and every day he will cut off a link and put it into a box. Savannah has the same. We had a lot of fun putting that together, and it kept all of our minds off of our sadness.

Anyway, enough of that. I guess my weight is fine. I am still holding steady between 120 and 125. People that don't know about my surgery treat me like I am too skinny sometimes. I have to explain that I have not always been this way, and that I will probably start gaining soon to level out at a healthier weight. I also eat constantly to keep up my energy.  It's so strange to eat so much and not gain. I used to just think about a donut and gain 5 pounds! Now, I can eat 20 choco chip cookies and lose 5 pounds!

Women are the hardest to deal with....and I remember doing the same thing. We are mean to girls that are skinny, because we see them as a threat, and we also act defensively because of the way that we as fat girls have been treated. It's hard for me now, because I am so tiny, but in my mind I am still a big girl. But girls only see me as a tiny girl. Hard to explain, but it brings a lot of negative emotions. I wish we as a society would be nicer and a bit more accepting of people who are differently sized and shaped. I have heard that 77% of Americans are disgusted when they see a "fat" person eating. I still carry that with me when I eat. I remember when I was bigger, I would be so ashamed to eat food at family functions, because I just KNEW that my family was thinking, "she really doesn't need that second helping." And, although they loved me and only wanted me to be healthy, their occasional comments would tear me apart inside.

Point is, love each other, pray for each other, accept each other, and cherish the moments you have with each other.

Hello everyone,
Things are going so much better than my last post. First of all, my husband and I are doing well. We have reconciled and are more in love now than we have ever been before. It's amazing how God can use something so bad and turn it into something so very good.
My weight is ok. I seemed to have stabilized at 120 pounds, give or take a few pounds every other day...:)
I am still living with my sister, but we are doing great. My kids love it here. My sister had her baby on December 17th. She is so cute! 
I got a job a couple weeks ago at a great company, and I love it!  
I finally feel like everything is coming together. I hope and pray that things can stay stable for a while. I really need a break from the chaos and drama.
Thanks to everyone who has been praying for me and supporting me through this whole thing. 
FYI Chris deployed this morning to Jalalabad, Afghanistan. I will let everyone know how he is doing periodically.
Thanks everyone!!!!

Well, it has now been over one year since I had the surgery, and a lot has changed.
I am now in Colorado. I have lost over 148 pounds (150 on some days), and my marriage is in trouble, right before my husband is deploying to Afghanistan.
I am living with my sister for the time being, looking for a job, and trying to become and independant woman for the first time in my life. 
I am still trying to find a way to save for the reconstructive surgery, but that requires a job, so I am still looking for a job!
Anyway, that's it for today. I'm too tired to write anymore.

Today was a little scary. Chris went into the ER because his small pox vaccination spot was swollen and he was having chest pains.
I thought everything was okay until he called and said that they thought he actualy contracted small pox......then I couldn't get a hold of him for a long time, and I started to panic (sorry Teresa).
He called shortly after and said that he had a "freakish" reaction to the vaccine, and that, although the symptoms would get worse before they get better, he would be okay. 
So, anyway, everything is okay.

An update on me? Well, I am down to 126 pounds. That's a loss of 142 pounds.
I think I am getting too skinny, but it is taking me a long time to get my referral to go back to Dr. Steely for my 10 month follow up visit. I am almost 11 months post op now.
I have had pain under my right rib cage for months now, but nothing has been done about it. I keep going to the Dr....but with the Army hospital and all the soldiers deploying right now, I never get to see the same Dr twice, so there is no continuity. So nothing has been done, and I continue to lose and continue to hurt.
I have an appointment on Nov 6 to obtain the referral, so hopefully I will have some news after that.
Until then, Happy Halloween!

Ok, so we are not moving back to CO. I got a job on post at the PX at the eye DR's office. I love it there.
I am down to 130 pounds. I can't stop losing. I am trying to eat at much as I can. I need to be seen, but Tricare makes it very difficult to do so. I feel ok, but I am getting really skinny.
We are going to our first military ball next weekend, on my birthday! I will post pics as soon as I can!

It has been a while since I last posted. We are in transition right now, getting ready to move back to Colorado, so we had our phones, cable and internet shut off! I'm getting tired of watching old dvds!
Anyway, I'm down to 135...I really hope I don't lose much more, I'm wasting away! Plus, now all my cute clothes are too big!
Anyway, I hope all of you are doing great.

Today was pretty awesome. My dad chartered a deep sea fishing boat for 8 hours. We caught 5 40 pound tuna, and 4 small tuna. We kept one, gave Cadiz's family one, and let the boat guys have the rest.
My brother Neil cooked some tonight, and it was delicious.
I was a little disappointed because I was reeling in a 100 pound marlin, and the line snapped. It was such a bummer! I really wanted to hold that up next to what would have been my brother's tiny fish...:)
Anyway, we spent the rest of the evening relaxing and eating fish. Chris and the boys and Neil's girlfriend Stephanie went to town to spend the evening out.
Tomorrow, Neil and Steph have to go back to Denver. It was good to see my brother, even for this short while.

Today I went on an 8 mile hike to a waterfall on the side of the island where there are no roads. It was glorious. I zoomed though it. I went with my dad, sister, her husband and my brother's fiance. I stil cannot believe how fast I was. I didn't get winded, and believe me, it was a ROUGH hike. I passed couples, men, experienced hikers...the works. I am thoroughly impressed with myself. :)
All the while I was thinking, there is no way that I could have done this last year. I didn't even think that I could have done it today, but I did it. I realized today that there is nothing that I cannot do. That is a revelation that I never thought I'd come to.
Anyway, it was amazing and I'll put up the pictures as soon as I can!

Wow, I am in Paradise. That's the only way I can describe it. There is a golf course to my left, mansions to my right, and ocean as far as the eye can see in front of me. Where am I? Sitting on the lanai, in the house that we are staying. I will be here for the next two weeks! 
I slept so well last night, alone, no kids...the door open to the sounds of the jungle. The smell of the ocean air woke me this morning at 6:30. I went for a jog in the neighborhood. I could definitely get use to this.
I think my weight is around 145, but I haven't checked in a while. I am so skinny, that my brothers call me "sick girl." I don't think I look sick, but they have never seen me so thin. I proved myself to be as strong as ever yesterday, when I playfully beat the crap out of them....my two brothers who are huge an have a combined weight of over 400 pounds! I am still the toughest in this family...haha.
I'll post some pictures of this tropical paradise as soon as I can. I'm sorry that you all can't be here!

Ok, so we are at the Phoenix airport now, waiting to board the plane. We have two hours to kill, so we are checking email, etc.
The kids are having a blast. My nephew, Hayden, is lying on the floor with his feet on the window, and is kicking the windows with his heels.
Savannah and Joseph are blowing bubbles and giggling like crazy.
I saw my family this week for the first time since my surgery. They can't believe how skinny I am. My dad has vowed to make sure that I get the tummy tuck and breast lift.  He is so sweet. Everyone is so proud of me, and that makes me feel great.
I haven't had any issues so far with drinking since I quit. I was in such a haze during that time. I hate being that way, and I really don't want to go back. I may fail, but I am doing great so far.
I feel pretty good about myself. It's nice to be noticed for being attractive instead of for being as big as a house. One guy this morning, while my sister and I were taking our morning walk, stared at me and smiled while we walked by. It made me feel very good. 
Anyway, I miss my hunny. Chris won't join us in Hawaii until the 29th, and I haven't seen him in 2 and a half weeks! He told me that he misses me so bad it hurts. That's so nice. I am the luckiest girl in the world.
We have decided that the kids and I will be moving back to Denver for the duration of Chris's deployment. He doesn't want us to move back to Fort Campbell, though. He wants to put in for a transfer to Fort Carson, CO after he returns from Afghanistan.
I hope everyone is doing well. I'll post some Hawaii pics as soon as I can!