classyqueenbee
Well... this is me.. I was raised in the country by my grandmother, as my parents pursued their careers and made sure I had everything a girl could want. I'm the baby girl, not only of my two older brothers and I, but my whole family. Nana wasn't a touchy feely type, but she showed me she loved me by using FOOD. I could smell the fresh oatmeal cookies when the bus dropped me off at the bottom of the hill, and so the saga began.
I have never heard myself be called anything but beautiful my entire life, which may have contributed to the false sense of self I developed, which eventually let me allow myself to get to the weight I am now. I didn't see a problem. To be honest, I still don't see the severity of the situation in the mirror. As a child, I was pleasingly plump, then I was "thick", then I was "healthy", then I was "big fine". lol.. all euphemisms for being plain ol' fat. My grandmother's love for shopping never really let me realize that I was "outgrowing" clothes as fast as I could wear them.. She didn't care, she just bought more, and gave the others away.
I am an emotional eater, and it is a companion for me many times, although I have the best circle of love I could ask for, not to mention, I still cook like Nana taught me, cater part time, bake cakes to order... so I'm a foodie. lol i guess.
I watched my mother have a massive stroke, in my opinion dying to lose weight. She was 5'2, about 230, and when I was pregnant with my first child, I watched her maybe eat a jar of olives in a day, along with participating in the new Phen-Fen craze of the time. That was 11 years ago, and still nothing triggered in my mind. Years earlier, while in my teens Nana had a massive stroke, but she wasn't fat... still no correlation determined by the so-called genius I like to think I am.
Perhaps I then associated my self image with what men thought of me, and there has never been a shortage of that type of attention,so.. I kept living this carefree lifestyle, having the nerve to talk about others because I still had a shape (puhlease Lawd save me from myself). My best friends still say I am simply booty and thighs.. Are you serious?
I moved back to my home in Kentucky from Texas 5 years ago, and I have gained about 130 lbs due to boredom and inactivity.
I've been talking to my docs for a couple years about this, who seemed to think that I was ok because I do not have any health concerns other than I weigh the sum of three people. After begging i've tried a couple prescription diet pills, nothing major, and as my 11 yr old said, I don't seem to be able to be consistent (couldn't belive when she said it, but true).
So here I am- basically wanting better for my children. I want to save them the pain of not having their mother. And as long as I'm here, I want to be able to be as active as possible with them, and live the best possible life I can in the process- I think i'm losing my sexy too.
I''m glad I found this spot. Cheers to you. I am ready.
