cutepuppy
Love My OH Family
Nov 15, 2009
This week has been a test of strength and character, one I felt very inadequate to cope with. What changed that? The encouragement of the OH'ers who came to support this rather challenging journey. Rather than hide out, embarrassed and disappointed, with the encouragement of others in this community, I dare to stick my head out. I don't think anyone will chop it off, lol.I met with my surgeon this past week. Here we are at 4 months and absolutely zero weight loss. She appeared to be frustrated with me and asked if I were a "self-fulfilling prophecy" determined not to succeed. That woke me up. What???? I know I've been very discouraged and ready to throw in the towel, but I don't think I'd sabatoge the work thus far. Perhaps I don't see it clearly anymore, but I am still in the game. I've kept every appointment and waited for someone in the medical community to tell me what's wrong. The bottom line....they don't know for sure. I may be waiting a long, long time. Some where in that conversation I suggested a second opinion before we proceed with another surgery. (Those options are the pylorplasty and revision to RNY). I asked if I would be as ill as I've been following the VSG....??? Mmmmm don't know, maybe not.
I started thinking who in their right mind would not be discouraged and depressed? You have such expectations going into this. You live on OH and love to look at the before and after's. You imagine how your life is going to change. You have dreams for your future. You watch the "honeymooners" lose weight pretty rapidly in most cases and think, "wow, that could be me." When, after all the testing and waiting, that doesn't happen....and you don't know if it will ever happen......well, again, who wouldn't feel kinda hopeless. No doc, I think my emotional state is pretty much to be expected after all this time and no results and the prospect of more surgery ahead.
It will be months before I get into UCLA for a second opinion. Months when nothing happens. I have, in the past month, not be consistent in taking care of myself. Yeah, I still eat proteins, drink water, exercise, etc., but not with my heart, just as a matter of need. I dread the coming months. I have "recommitted" to doing my part. I will be cognizant of what I eat, log what I eat, get more water and protein in, and exercise. I made the promise to do my part, and I keep my promises.
In the meantime, I'm embarrassed and uncomfortable in my community, and in my personal life. Living with it everyday feels much like living with all the diet failures of the past. Without the dear people here who will understand "venting" I would feel very alone and isolated.
I know without a doubt that there is a plan for this old girl. That has never been a question. Can I live with the plan??? That might be a question. Sure I can. It's been quite a ride so far.
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About Me
Manhattan Beach, CA
Location
41.8
BMI
Surgery
07/02/2009
Surgery Date
Feb 23, 2009
Member Since
