darqueangel27

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Here I am, starting on week 3 of my post op, and I'm doing alright. Weighed myself today for the first time and I'm down to 259. When I had the surgery, I weighed in at the hospital at 274lbs. My surgery proved to be a journey that was a life-saving maneuver for me. The surgery was 4.5 hours long. My husband says that when the surgeon talked to him, the reason for the long duration was my stomach was lodged in my diaphragm and esophagus. Had the surgery not been done or if another doctor had not thought to look and I had continued to gain weight, the weight of my stomach would have eventually crushed my esophagus and would have killed me. So he had to do a hiatal hernia repair on top of the RNY. I had issues with my sugar while in the hospital, but I finally leveled out.

The first week post-op was also hard for me. First, when people say your taste buds will change, I never imagined that in a weeks’ time that I would not be able to tolerate Sugar-Free Jell-O. The taste was so overwhelming and intense that the sweet taste from the artificial sweeteners was nauseating. Even now, I can't stomach the taste. Next was the smells of the family cooking. One night, they did a lasagna bake and I nearly barfed. I sat in my room on the furthest end from the kitchen with the windows wide open and a fan blowing in air to rid the smell. Then, the family got Chinese food for lunch one day and my head hunger just took over! I wanted nothing more than to chomp down on some General Tso's Chicken and an eggroll! I had to again lock myself away and remind myself that I could not do that. That was a very very strong battle and I've told the family no more Chinese food in the house until I can control that urge again. By the end of the first week, I wanted nothing more than to just chew something. When I could have mushy oatmeal and grits, it helped curb the itch of chewing a lot! So here I am at the end of my 2nd week and ready to begin the semi-solid diet on Thursday! I am anxiously awaiting to eat some tuna and a half piece of toast. I'm working on achieving my 64 ounces of water every day too. I'm still home healing like I should be and outside of the sheer exhaustion that overtakes me anytime I do anything strenuous, like go to grocery store, I'm ok I think. 

Got the phone call today that approval has been received from the insurance! I start my clear liquid diet Saturday and surgery is scheduled for Tuesday. I'm excited and nervous all at the same time. Ready to get on with this!

All the pieces are falling into place! Met with my surgeron today. I really do like my surgeon and he seems to be truly vested and interested in my health and well-being, which is important to me. I work tomorrow, then I'm off until my surgery. I'm  prepped and ready! I've already stocked my jello, my protein shakes, my chicken broth, & my water. Anyone else have any suggestions for the liquid diet that helped them through??? Looking forward to my new self!

Due to some logistical errors of missing pieces needed for to get insurance approval, not of my doing, but rather of the office, my surgery had to be pushed back to Dec 22nd. I was rather crushed at being told it would be delayed, but I'm ok now. I love my surgeon or I would have changed offices by now. I do not like the surgery scheduler I had previously. I have been reassigned to another scheduler who seems to have her ball on a roll and I'm happy to be working with. The previous person treated me with disdain and like I was an inconvenience. My husband has had a totally different experience as has my coworker. In October, when my husband heard something the next day, but I waited a week until I called the office, I had told another office staff that I felt like I was being forgotten about. She told me that different scheduler do things differently. Then when I went in with my husband 2 weeks ago for his weigh-in and expressed to them then that I hadn't heard from the hospital so I took the initiative to call and was told that they hadn't gotten anything from the scheduler yet, I got the same response of each scheduler is different but was promised a call back that day. When I didn't get a call by 3pm, I called in. When I talked to my scheduler, told her my name, she immediately cut me off and said I'd hear something from the hospital 2 weeks prior to my appointment. I tried to explain that it was already 2 weeks prior the surgery and that they hadn't gotten anything from the office and she cut me off again and said it had been sent and I'd hear something from them with a date 2 weeks prior to my appointment. Then, yesterday I got a voicemail from the insurance lady at the office asking about blood work having been completed recently. When I called her back after calling my primary care doc to confirm the last date of my blood work since I really wasn't sure, she said that it was needed to process the pre-insurance authorization and that BCBS needs 15 days to authorize which would be pushing us out beyond the 17th. It was then that I chose my words very carefully as I was still at work and I didn't want to blow up at the wrong person and I laid everything out to her and explained to her how I had to make all the calls to find out everything and how when I called to ask questions based on what my husband's experience was compared to mine, I would be treated like crap and like I was an inconvenience or that I was asking someone to do their job. She then went to her manager to see what could be done and I am guessing this is where I got the new person that I'm working with that has been helpful and found a few other things missing (i.e. my pre-op clearance from my primary care that I did on 12/1 and my ekg). Also found out today that no one ever requested the results from my sleep apnea study that shows how severe my sleep apnea is to send to insurance for my approval. I think the thing that gets me the most is that someone should have caught this months ago. There should have been a checklist somewhere that someone should have known. Instead, I feel like I’m going through a factory of slice em and dice em to get my surgery. If I didn’t like my surgeon and didn’t have such high regard for him and hear such great things about him from other people, I really would not be staying with this office.

Going down this path of trying to get healthy and changing my eating habits, I stop to reflect on where I've been and where I'm going sometimes and I just want to offer up a word of advise for anyone who thinks or doubts the effects of soda, sugars, and other bad things we put in our body really doesn't effect them. I'm here to tell you that I'm a prime example of what it's like. Prior to changing my habits, I was a 2 liter soda a day drinker. I would eat a pan of brownies all by myself and I ate out all the time. I was a junk food fast food queen! I really hated it and found it quite sad when the McDonald's breakfast drive-thru lady knew me on sight and by name and would ask me if I wanted my usual of the #1 with a large Dr. Pepper in a styrofoam cup.  My joints would ache all the time. The most shocking thing for me was how badly my feet hurt from the moment I woke up; even before my feet would hit the floor. I, myself, kept saying it couldn't be what I was eating or drinking. It just couldn't. I felt sluggish all day and I thought drinking a soda or a coffee loaded with sugar was the only way to seek mentality clarity and awareness needed to survive the day. I suffered severe insomnia and I am, still somewhat, bipolar / manic depressive and have sever anxiety attacks. The last three years I've suffered memory issues that I've been ashamed to admit to anyone, family included, that I'd been going through. I've gone through many diagnostic medical screenings to ensure I wasn't experiencing the early onset of dementia or Alzheimer's as that does run in my family. It was scary.

I've been two months nearly sugar free and three months soda free. I didn't quit cold turkey and would not advise anyone to do so. I backed off slowly. I started with only allowing myself 1 20oz soda a day. Then it was 1 every couple of days till I just found I lost the taste for them completely. Sugars have been a little harder because, let's face it, sugar is in everything. So I've watched what sugars I do have and I try to keep my sugar uder 4g in any food I have. Even fruits, which has natural sugar, I really really keep a close eye on.  As a result, I've lost weight, my blood pressure has been normal. I feel great, full of energy, and insomnia isn't as much of an issue for me anymore. Even my panic attacks have been under easier to manage and I'm dealing with my bi-polar much better now that I'm exercising more.

Recently, during the nutrional counseling for the surgery, the nutritionist said something profound that struck me: "weight loss is 70% diet and 30% exercise because you can't outrun your fork." This statement has stuck with me. I watch and count everything going in my mouth. I try to eat as best I can without breaking the bank. I can't afford the organic route, but I can afford to eat food I make at home made from fresh ingredients. I rarely eat out anymore. When I do, I make sure to choose healthy. For example, I treated myself to a few sweet potatoe fries that had been baked when we went to a comedy club last week. 

It's the little things folks. Therefore, I challenge those of you who don't believe it is that big of a deal to make the change and try it. Drop the sodas and just see how much better you feel after 1 week. I won't lie: it's not easy! You can't just drop soda and pick up coffee loaded with sugar. Replace it with water. If you don't like water, try the sugar free / Splenda drop-ins to help with the transition. It's amazing how much better you'll feel after you rid yourself all of the chemicals. I know I have a long road ahead of me and I'm not claiming to be a know-it-all or that I won't fail, but I am sharing my story so that if someone out there is having some of the same symptoms or going through some same thoughts, maybe they will make the changes too. I've seen the differences and I don't want to go back to feeling the way I did before the way I feel now!

I just finished my pre-op clearence with my primary care doc. My EKG was clear. My weight is down to 285.0 lbs. My BP is also great! (113/75) Oxygen is at 100%. Doc is extremely proud and absolutely impressed with my success! To date from my highest weight, I have officially lost 40 lbs! I still have a long road ahead of me, but I will make it!!! I will overcome!!! 

In an attempt to lose this last bit to get approval for my surgery, I've been pushing myself harder in my exercise and diet regime. First, it was, I'll do 31 minutes. Then, let's try 35 min. Next it was hey, let's try this on a 2.8 mph rate with a 1.0 incline at 40 min. The best thing was I kept challenging myself to exercise every day this week. Then yesterday, I did the impossible for me, and if you could only have seen the tears in my eyes!!!! They were not tears of pain. No, they were tears of joy, tears of pride even. I did 45 min cardio on treadmill with a target heart rate of 144 achieved in first 3 min and stayed with a 3.4-4.5 incline to keep it at that rate at a 3.0mph speed rate the entire time. The last 15 min I begin to doubt myself, but I dug my heels in and pushed through and so glad I did!!!! I kept chanting to myself, just one more minute, then I'd listen to one more song and watch another minute or two of the game that was on the TV. Rinse, wash, repeat. When I got to the last minute, I really thought about quitting and forceful thought in my head, NO! I made it this far, I'm NOT quitting! Funny thing is, I had the thought of the commercial of Europe playing The Final Countdown behind me in that last 30 seconds. Haha! I even counted down the last 10 seconds in my head like it was New Years and I broke down into tears during the cool down! Best thing is, I felt GREAT afterwards! I was a little shaky and wobbly, but after taking a hot shower and relaxing, I really had a very euphoric feeling. I was afraid of my legs hurting today, but they don't. They were a little sore last night. Will I do a cardio workout tonight? I am going to wait and see how my legs feel on the treadmill first, but I'm definitely considering it. I just don't want to overdo it and really hurt myself. 

I got for my weigh-in this morning at my doctor's office. I'm very nervous and praying for a good sign. I've drastically cut back my calorie count and my sugar intake this month. I've watched and counted everything I've eaten and I've boasted my fitness routine, so I'm hoping all that pays off. I weighed myself at home but I don't trust my scales. I've weighed myself at home, gone to the doc 30 min later and been 15lbs heavier. There's no way I've gained 15lbs between my house and their office. 

On other fronts, I'm seeing side effects of my weight loss on my relationship already too. My husband is still not embracing the new lifestyle. I don't get it and I know I can't. He's still on a lot of the old ways. Coffee, sugar, soda, high fat foods, eating large meals, not exercising the required 3 times a week... I will say he went one time with me last week, but I think I guilted him into it. Anyways, he's been acting very moody with me and he's going into a depressive cycle. He did share with me that he's afraid I'll trade him in when I lose my weight. I've tried to share with him that that's my fear too: i.e. he'll trade me in for another model. I think if he'd just exercise more, he'd feel better about himself as well. I can't make him do it though. 

Today I have my nutritional counselling and psych evaluation.  The psych evaluation somewhat makes me nervous because of my bi-polar issues and the fact that I already see a therapist in their office and we have discussed weight loss surgery at length already. Maybe that’s a good thing though. (My surgeon uses an outside psychological office which is the same one I see for therapy.) I just fear they will have open access to my files and will see all my F up’d history and deny me for that reason. I don’t think they can do that can they? I'm pretty sure they can't, it's just a normal fear I have. 

Anyways, off to start my day! Thank you for taking the time to read this and thank you for taking the time to say a kind word! You all have been instrumental in getting me going and keeping me there!

I'm going through a variety of emotions: pissed off, upset, angry, happy, and sad. You name it; I'm probably experiencing it. I got my letter from my doctor the other day about the approval from my insurance provider. There was a known "must lose 10 lb prior to the surgery" contract made between me and my doctor when I signed on to this train. It's one of the reasons I believe I started losing so quickly because I knew I wanted to do this! The letter from my surgeon though revealed I must lose a shocking 35 lbs in order for my insurance to cover it. Now, given that I've lost 27 lbs that shouldn't be such a big deal, right? It's just 8 more lbs. That's 8 lbs I must lose by Dec 1st; my pre-op appointment! I, theoretically, have until Dec 3rd, two weeks prior to my surgery, BUT it was stressed that if I don't make it by the time of my pre-op appointment, my surgery could be rescheduled. I immediately panicked! I begin googling rapid weight loss plans and instantly thought of going with a liquid weight loss plan. That plan lasted all of 4 hours. Not because I couldn't stick to it, but because I was scared of the damage I may be doing to my body without consulting with my doctor. Essentially, I came to my senses. So, I'm back to the meal plan my doctor gave me. Strict proteins in limited quantities and lots and lots of water. I even am trying to up my exercise routine. If you read my other post, then you realize that exercise is something that is very hard for me currently. I hurt badly when I do try to walk, so I try to swim. Living in the NE, that gets a little hard as we don’t have a lot of good weather and the Y doesn’t have a lot of availability for swim time unless you take a swim class or can go in the morning. So today, I got back on the treadmill and I actually walked for 30 minutes at a pace of 2.8 mph! I felt GREAT afterwards! Maybe it’s losing the weight I have lost or maybe it’s just the refusing to give up. Either way, I am refusing to give up. I will lose this last 8 lbs and I will have this surgery! I will do the liquid diet, when my doctor tells me to do it and not before. I won’t cause damage to my body or weaken it before the surgery. I want to be sure I’m not doing something that could somehow impair my ability to heal after the surgery.  So that's that... Tomorrow, I will go back to the Y and I will get back on that treadmill and I want to extend my walk to 31 minutes. My goal is to extend each day by 1 minute until I can do an full hour. 

... but I wonder how this weightloss will impact my marriage. I've been reading some of the forums and I've read how some marriages collaspe while others grow stronger. My husband has always liked cubbier women. so I'm left to wonder, could he continue to love me as a thinner person? He's said in the past he'd be afraid of breaking me if i was too thin. To add to the complexity of the thought and just as a side note, he's persuing the surgery as well so there are a lot of components in play on this question. HIs surgery is scheduled Jan 25th.  I love him as he currently is, but I'd love to see a healthier version of him and not because I'd find him more attractive. It's more along the lines of he comes from a family with a history of heart disease and it honestly scares me to think of him having a heart attack and dying at a young age. He currently weighs over 500lbs and over 6 feet tall. He can't get an MRI or CAT scan done because of his weight issues. They all say they can only go up to 450lbs so its a determinate to his health as he can't seek proper medical treatment. 

To try and get back on topic.... When we met, we were both slightly overweight. The years haven't been kind as we've had our indulgences of foods and overeating and viola: here we are. I was super proud of him making the decision to do the procedure as well and us doing it together at the same time will help us both to succeed as we can both support one another. (I hope.) Alas, I wonder what impact this surgery will have on us both and our relationship as we both go through this process. Will both of us going through this at the same time actually hurt our relationship more or can it help pull us together? I know that only time will tell.... Just random thoughts in my head.