DebbiR

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Hi Everyone!  I am over a year out (actually 1 years and 5 months).  I currently weigh 144 lbs (was 266 when I started).  I LOVE the way I look.  Two years ago I never ever thought I would be saying that.  For all you women (like me) that go by sizes to compare, I'm a size medium on top and a size (now get this one) a size small for pants!!!!!  WHO ME?  Who would have ever thought this could be possible????  Every now and then I will put something on and think "no way is this going to fit" and IT DOES!!!!  I've been out looking for winter coats (Lord only knows how cold it gets in upper NY state).  In the past it would have been ANYTHING that would fit.  I must have tried on 20 coats today at Penneys and I didn't find one that I liked.  Now I'm getting particular in what I wear.  I'm also carrying purses to match my outfit (never did this before), getting shoes to match my outfits and getting coats.  I've even splurged and bought a beautiful burgandy colored leather jacket.  LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!!!!  Plus it is in a size MEDIUM!!!!

So, for any of you that is thinking of getting this operation ... stop thinking about it and just do it.  I'm glad I did and wished that I did it sooner!

I'm happy, healthy, and very pleased with the way I look. 

My surgiversary date was May 12th.  It is now July 31st.  There are a few things that are happening in my life that I will get you up to speed.

First of all I'm retiring at the end of summer from being a licensed daycare provider in my home.  I've done this for over 17 years.  I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!!!!!  I'm not embarassed to say that I am totally burned out.  The head doc where I go for my PCP told me last year to get out of it.  I was supposed to end it at the end of the year but my husband and I thought I would do it at the end of summer.  I can't wait.  What am I going to do you ask?  ANYTHING I DAMN WELL FEEL LIKE IT!!!!!  No, in all honesty this is what I want to do:

1.  go shopping during the day for groceries.  Yeah I know, not a very big thing but did it a few times and actually loved it.
2.  Shop for Christmas things during the day also.  Going to love that!
3.  Getting new furniture for my family room, bedroom, and living.  Therefore, we are painting all of those rooms and putting a new floor in the family room.  I will be able to paint during the day when I couldn't do it before.  Going to paint the master bathroom and upstairs bathroom also. 
4.  My good friend, Sue, from Lousianna whom I met on this board is coming to visit me in December with her daughter, Jessica.  Can't wait!!!  We are going to have fun Fun FUN!!!!
5.  Going to NYC with my pseudo-sister-in-law, Lesa, and my daughter, Breanna, in November.  Once again going to have fun Fun FUN!!!  Never been there and we are going to do all the touristy stuff. 
6.  Take knitting and crocheting classes.  Have always wanted to do that and now I have time.
7.  Really want to take piano lessons.  Always wanted to do this but a one on one basis but not be in an type of recital.  Just want to learn for the fun of it. 
8.  Connected with my best friend from high school and we are going to go to a warm climate in February.  It will either be the Bahamas or Bermuda or Hawaii.  Haven't decided yet.  Once again it'll be FUN!
9.  Going to visit Sue in Lousianna.  Now that will be FUN!

On a personal level:

I am in a size medium pants and medium top.  I am VERY happy with the way I look.  Yeah, my arms are flabby but after my last operation (breast reconstruction because of breast cancer), I don't think I want to put myself through that one.  However in the beginning of September I have to get my belly boob reduced.  However, my doc (who is great) said it is going to be a piece of cake.  Plus of coerced him into doing some lypo on my belly because it has a little pouch after he took fat from my belly to make my trans flap.  

I am actually wearing shorts that have a zipper instead of pull on stretchy shorts.  LOVING to go shopping.  Sounds kind of stupid but I am actually carrying a purse (like a big girl!).  I think Breanna is getting a little po'd about shopping with me because i am just LOVING IT, trying on stuff and seeing myself and feeling GOOD!!!!

I was just talking to my husband before I got on here and saying last year at this time I was throwing up because I was being stupid and not getting my "tongue and brain" in tune with each other.  In other words, eating like a fat person.  But he also reminded me that 2 years ago he thought I was going to die.  I couldn't remember.  He had to remind me about my breast cancer.  I guess I'm loving life now and thankful everyday for my surgeries!

NOW I can look in the mirror and not just view from my chin UP!!  Previously in a dreaded dressing room for a dreaded occassion I would walk in there with lead feet.  Shut the door but felt like slamming it closed. NOTHING looked good on me when I was 110 lbs heavier.  I don't care how great it looked on the hanger.  NOTHING I MEAN NOTHING was appealing.  I thought it was the outfit.  Boy was I wrong.  IT WAS ME, big old fat ME.  Large lumpy dumpy ME!  Clothes shopping was a chore not a pleasure.


NOW (more like yesterday), went into a store grabbed a size medium skirt (more like 2) off the rack, didn't even try them on at the store and brought them home.  KNOWING they were going to fit.  When I did try them on at home - oooooohhhhhh BABY did they look nice, wonderful, beautiful as a matter.  AND  oooooohhhhhhhh baby did I FEEL wonderful and nice EVEN FROM my chin DOWN!!!!!!

If you are contemplating getting this surgery while reading this - get it done.  If you have NEVER done anything GREAT for yourself and feel like I did (lumpy dumpy and fat), GET THIS SURGERY!!!!  yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm not going to lie to you.  It is VERY tough for the first couple of months AFTER the surgery but you WILL get to the point in your life where I am and actually don't mind looking below your chin while trying on something!!!! 

Sure this surgery will add years to your life but it has also added self-esteem to mine.  I'm more confident.  I wear makeup.  I want to look good when going out in public and even home!!  In the past I would wear just a pair of crappy jeans and a baggy sweatshirt or t-shirt.  What was I trying to hide because honey, you can't hide lumpy, dumpy, and fat!!!!

What I wear now is what I call my adult clothes.  Stylish things, pretty things, even jewelry!!  I gave all of my lumpy dumpy clothes away.  I don't think I even own a baggy sweatshirt or even a plain old lumpy, dumpy, t-shirt!!!!!  My husband told me that I've turned into a clothes horse.  Mind you, not as big as a horse but....

My, my, my what a year can do for some people! 

Yup, it's been one year ago today!!!  I can't believe it.  I thank my doctor my doctor for giving me this fine tool to use.  I have lost 100 lbs.  I wear a size medium pants and medium top.  Frankly, I don't want to lose anymore and get down to a size small.  I think it would took gaunt.  I'm very happy with where I am right now. 

This is what the surger has done for me:

First of all - the people that I have met on this board!  You all are amazing and so very helpful.  I had so many questions and concerns when I first started out.  Without everyone's help I would have gone NUTS.  You guys are funny, calming, and have so much information to give.  I am truely thank ful for that you YOU!

Plus - the people that I talk to via web site, snail mail, telephone, or visiting face to face.  They are Sue in Louisiana.  She is my deal pen pal that I met on here.  Gee Sue, I think we have been corresponding for what almost a year?  Hopefull Sue will be able to visit us in December.  Can't wait girlfriend!!!!!  Then there is Karen.  Found out she lives only 15 minutes from me.   Thanks to her I just HAD to get a sheltie (ha ha)!!!!  It's nice that we can see each other and just pop in when we are in the neighborhood and share yucky surgery stories and get each other grossed out!!!!  Then there is Sue S who about 1.5 hours away from me but I plan to "pop" in to see her sometime soon.  We help each other out with our eating "disabilities"!  All 3 I love dearly!!!

Update on my last surgery

I'm getting better and feeling much much better.  Going to physical therapy 2x's a week and it is helping.  The guy (actually it is a "kid" to me since he is "only" 28!) stretches my arm towards the end of my session and that feel ooooooohhhhhhh so good!  He said most people don't like that but I guess I'm just the odd ball.  I told him that I'll hire him to come to my house and do that to all my limbs at night!!!!!  I'm able to drive and that was the killer for me when I couldn't.  I just love to buzz around and since it's garage sale time if I couldn't do that I would probably cry myself to sleep each night!!!!!  (Speaking of garage sales - getting great buys and lovely thing, PLUS more Christmas stuff to add to my vast collection which my son can't stand!!  He said I need to go to a Christmas Stuff Anonymous Meeting!!  Gotta love him!)

Sunday

I hope all the mother's out there had a great Mother's Day.  My husband bought me a sheltie.  He is a blue merle (grey, white, and a little black).  We were going back and forth (the whole family and I) on what to name him.  We are actually driving in the truck with him, my daughter is texting all her friends and getting their votes on what the name should be!!!  Gotta love her, too!  We decided on Chase.  He is a little cutie.  He is just a little fluff ball.  Gets along great with Cooper.  They chase each other around and play tug of war with the various toys.  It's just the puppy or should I say poopy stage that is hard to deal with.  I'm just glad we got him now because "hopefully" by August he will be house trained because that is when we take our big camping trip. 

This is what the surgery has done for me:

I can tie my own shoes and put on my own socks instead of asking my daughter to "help" me.
I can sit in a booth at a restaurant.
I can look at myself in the mirror and look at my WHOLE body instead of just from my chin down.
I can fit into a size medium instead of clothes that have a number AND a letter attached to it.
I can see light between my legs instead of worrying that I might cause a forest fire because my legs were rubbing together!
I can walk distances without feeling like I should carry an oxygen tank.
I can wear fashionable clothes and buy them at a "regular" store or in a store that doesn't have the word PLUS in it.
I can wear my old winter coat and KNOW that it is now too big for me when last year it didn't even fit and it was a 1X.
I can wear a leather jacket and feel good in it.
I can go in my closet and TRY to decide what I want to wear instead of just wearing t-shirts and jeans.  Now I have outfits and nice clothes.
I can now buy nice shoes instead of old clunky ones.
I can look down my body and see boobs first and not my belly  WWWWAAAAAAAYYYYYYY out there!!!
I can walk with my head up high with my family or by myself and not feel embarassed about how I look!  (and not worry that my family is embarassed!)

This is a good feeling.  I'm feeling good.  I'm thankful.  I'm FINALLY enjoying life and what it has to offer! 

Tomorrow it will be 5 weeks since I had my surgery.  I still say I WOULD NEVER HAVE GOTTEN THIS DONE IF I KNEW THEN WHAT I KNOW NOW!!!!!

I am still in pain.  I can't lift my arm high as I used to.  Even washing my hair is painful.  I don't want to look at myself in the mirror.  I think I look totally hideous!!!  At times I even have to wear a bra to bed for actual comfort.  Cripe I remember back in the 70's and going WITHOUT a bra.  Now I HAVE to wear one. 

When will this pain stop? 

I started my physical therapy last week.  I have been to one and will go 3 times this week.  I sure as hell hope it helps because I am becoming very VERY discouraged. 

By the time night time comes I just want to collapse on the floor and cry myself to sleep.  I am taking 2 extra strength tylenol for pain because everything else makes me vomit uncontrollably. 

My wonderful cousin, Terry, and I went shopping on Saturday.  I needed new capris because I gave all my other ones to her.  I actually wear a size medium.  On the BMI scale it says I am "overweight", however, I don't want to get down to a size small.  I'm a size medium on the top and bottom and I'm happy with that. 

I did try on short sleeve tops but the arm holes really REALLY bothered my arm where it is tender from the surgery.  I got so very discouraged.  I felt like crying.  Therefore, I had to get tops that were 3/4 sleeves.  I sure hope I won't have to wear that type of sleeve in the summer.  My arms are flabby because of the weight I lost but I'm so much of a chicken to get them done because of the tremendous amount of pain that I'm in already.  Do I want to put myself in that type of pain again?  Did anyone get their arms done?  How were you afterwards?  How was the pain?  Yeah, I know everyone is different but I do need a base line to go on. 

Carbs still bother me.  I get way too filled with them and sometimes it feels like they are getting stuck.  So, I stay away from them as much as possible. 

Enough of me clucking like a chicken!!!!  Only YOU would understand!

Yup had all that plus a lift on my other breast.  Let me tell you - I wish I NEVER EVER got my reconstruction done.  Oh don't get me wrong, the doctor is fantastic and really knows his stuff.  BUT I am in sooooooooooo much pain.  It has been 18 days since I got it done and I am NOT pain free.

I was so looking forward to this surgery.  Was i way too vain to want a "boob" (had a mastectomy almost 3 years ago).  Went to the hospital in such a great mood.  Joking around with the doctors.  3 of them were going to do all three operations at once.  They were all standing there like Moe, Curly, and Larry.  I told them that and said "let's get the show on the road".  No sooner I said that I was waking up wanting to puke!!!!

I had such a terrible night.  They put those damn leg things on.  Yeah, yeah, I know it helps not getting blood clots but with my claustrophobia and having that blood pressure cuff on me continuously, it sooooooooooo got to me.  I screamed for the nurse and was ready to take off down the hall.  Finally they gave me some powerful drug and calmed me down. 

I got out of the hospital in 3 days.  I couldn't stand it there anymore.  I just wanted to go home.  What was the hospital going to do for me.  Besides I requested a private room and didn't get it.  The woman that was with me left the t.v. on all night along with the light.  PLUS everytime she talked on her cell phone it was like she was using a tin can and string.  She talked so loud I wanted to comment while she was talking.  PLUS let's not get into that food!

Thanks God my cousin, Terry, was able to come over all these days and help me.  She has babied me and stayed with me from 7 AM until about 5 PM.

I am not used to not driving, not walking fast, living with pain, sleeping on my back CONSTANTLY!!!

When I came home I had 4 drainage tubes coming out of me.  The doc took out he last one yesterday.  That last one was in my stomach. 

I can't stand looking at myself in the mirror.  I am discussed by the way I look. 

I live in pj bottoms. 

I could have handled my tummy tuck.  That is the least of my problems.  It is the boob they reconstructed and my arm.  I count the days every day and hope this pain will subside.  BUT WHEN????

Wish I never got a reconstructed boob at all!

On Monday, May 16th, my big baby Jack died.  He is our tri-color collie.  He always followed me around and was my buddy day in and day out!

I got up as usualy.  Took Cooper and Jack out for a walk in the back.  Got my breakfast and was ready to sit down.  Usually Jack had a hard time getting on the floor because of his arthritis.  I would usually watch him to make sure he was o.k. as he layed down.  This morning was no exception.  He was really kind of unsteady on his feet.  I had this terrible sinking feeling that something was wrong.  Then he just flopped on the floor and died right in front of me!!!!!!!!!!!!  What a terrible sight. 

I went screaming for Ryan, and just caught Breanna before she got on the bus, and called Mark as he was driving to work.  We were all in tears.  We covered Jack up with my new snowflake blanket (because he loved to play in the snow) and we all bawled and couldn't believe he was actually gone. 

Mark and Ryan buried him in yard.  I still look at the spots where he used to lay down.  Coming in the house is hard because I expect him to be there to greet me or nuzzle his nose on my lap or follow me or just come up to me when I'm not feeling good. 

He was my big boy my baby and the best dog!!!

Let's see,  last year at this time I couldn't wait to have my surgery.  I was literally counting down the days.  Since I had it on May 12th (and today is March 13th), I thought "o.k. less than 2 months to go". 

This is what I can do now:

I can fold my ankles
I can cross my legs (wooooo love doing this!)
I can sit up straight in a chair without feeling like I'm one total ball.
I can have my baby (Cooper - yorkie/poo) sit on my lap, yes, lap, not just my fat because I didn't have a lap!
Cross my arms in front of me without feeling like I'm ready to tuck and roll!
Wipe my rear-end without going into convulsions!!!  (yeah embarassing to say)
Bend over in the shower to shave my legs and actually see if I missed anything, before it was using just the braille method.
Sit in the car with room on both sides of my body and tucking my purse next to me.
Go up and down the stairs without huffing and puffing and stopping 1/2 way!
Take a walk without wanting to go home after 5 minutes because "it was too long/too tiring/or just plain out of breath"
Sit in a chair and wonder what the HELL is that pain - DUH it is my ASS BONES!!!  Never felt them before!
I can now wear makeup and actually feel pretty
I can look in the mirrow now and like what I see.
Try on clothes and not just look at myself in the mirror from my chin up but ALL over.  Up and down even in a 3-way mirror!
Can go into "regular" stores instead of feeling like the sales people are going to ask me what size I was looking for that was for SOMEONE ELSE!!!!
Zip my old winter coat and have it extremely way too big (last year I couldn't even wear it because it wouldn't even zip up)
Wear panties other than white because we all know that is the primary color for big old granny panties!!
Wear stylish shoes (because for big feet they are big and clunky)
Put on my socks without acting like an elephant giving birth!
I can push food away knowing that I don't miss it!
Trying to decide which outfit (yes outfit meaning pieces that go TOGETHER) to wear instead of just throwing on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt.
Wearing jewelry.  Didn't wear it before because I didn't feel good about myself.
I am now wearing lipstick and loving it!

All this and much more because I decided NOT to be fat anymore, to take care of myself for my present, future and family.

Life is good.  I'm going to live it and I'm going to present myself the best I can!  Yes, I can NOW because I decided to have this surgery. 

PLUS as of this date I've lost 104 lbs!!!!!!!!!!  I've NEVER EVER lost 104 of ANYTHING!!!!!

Got on the scale again and I saw that I lost more.  I am down to 162 now.  I would be happy if I lost 22 more but I'm not fretting over it.  Don't know how much I will lose if any after my surgery.  I know they have to take fat out of my stomach for my new boob but will that just be transfered weight?  I also know that the doc will be taking some off the existing boob.  Therefore I might lose a couple of ounces!!!!!!!!  Won't get on that scale until way after the middle of April.  Gee, I might be able to wear that thong in the summer after all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Just kidding!  Don't like stuff like that up the crack of my ass!

I had my first plastic surgery appointment with Dr. Smith on Thursday.  I've decided to GET A NEW BOOB!!!  This is all that will transpire when I get my surgery:  I will get a new boob which they will take the fat from my stomach.  It is called a Tram Flap.  The doc will take a football size portion from my stomach.  He said that it was a very good thing that I lost all the weight.  By the way I'm down 102 pounds so far.  He will also give me a lift to my other boob and decrease it.  The best part is that there won't be any charge for the tummy tuck because they are taking the fat FROM my stomach to make my boob.  Apparently i've lost enough weight for it to qualify.  wooooooooo hooooooooo! 

I, therefore, decided to get my arms done next year.  I look like a bat that is ready to take off! 

Oh by the way the operation is going to take a minimum of 8 hours for the boobs and stomach.  The reason for this amount of time in surgery is because they have to get my veins together and hope they work as one.  I will be in the ICU for 2 days.  I was really hoping that it was going to be an in and out surgery like my mastectomy.  When I had my mastectomy, I was supposed to stay in for a minimum of 3 days but I was in there less than a day!  I'm going to have tube after tube hanging from me.  I can deal with that.  I've dealt with tubes after my mastectomy.  Kind of gross when I first had to change it but got used to it pretty quickly.  Gotta do what I gotta do and pulled up my big girl panties and did it!

When the doc was "inspecting" me, it was kind of weird.  He was lifting and measuring my ta ta's and all of God's creation was hanging out.  Oh well another - gotta do what I gotta moment!

I'm going to put a couple of questions out there because I just don't know.  I'm wondering if I'll lose any weight BECAUSE they are taking the fat from my stomach and putting it up in my boob.  BUT the doc is decreasing the existing boob.  So, how much will I lose?  I guess I'll have to wait and see.  Getting on the scale in about 2.5 months from now will probably be a better time for me. 

After I get this operation I'm going to join that gym with my friend Karen.  I think I'll be better in May and be able to go out there and just work my butt off - LITERALLY!!!