Dejewels

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So I took a long time in posting.  I think i got the same as alot of other people.  Plain fed up with trying.   I went months  6 to be exact slowly slowy gaining back all the weight I lost.  Not only thru fault of my own but depending on a proceedure that I thought was going to fix me once and for all.  So wrong.  I used it as a tool listen to people say give it time it will work.  Wait till you get restriction it will be all better,  dont eat this eat that do more of this work out more.  I think I finally snapped.  After my whatever adjustment, and thinking after 7.4 cc's in my band it should be better.  But it wasnt.  Depression set in in a huge way.  And i do mean huge.   I sat in the Dr. Office and i swear i cried for an hour straight after hitting 200 pounds again.  I dont want to be 200 pounds.. I was sick of my friends telling me i had developed OCD after my surgery with carrying around measuring cups in my purse.  Yeah not the cleanest technique out there.  They decided it was stress and depression and helped me with something to help adjust me.  Maybe its mental at this stage also but I do feel better, Im not crying every single day.  I dont carry around measuring cups anymore.  Im taking it a day at a time,  sometime half a day at a time.  But now i feel like I can get out and move around  I can sleep again,  

Moral of the story, ask for help


PS  ive lost 5 pounds since they put me on some meds...

That makes it 3 weeks out.  Its been a great but odd journey so far.  Since i have been home ive followed the diet plan to a tee.  Its had its ups and downs.  No weight loss but something like 19 inches so far.  Im stable at the loss of 13 pounds since surgery.  But the realize site i have also been using is something like 9 inches off my hips and 5 inches in my waist.  I dont get that part but im going with the flow.

I was nearly in tears this morning both good and bad.  I was going thru the closet trying to find dress clothes to wear to work  I have nothing left.  I guess tomorrow is a shopping day.  Need some interim pants to wear to work.  I literally cant wear anything I had before and Im not at the size of the smaller things I had kept over the years.  Its great dont get me wrong but I hate to shop for clothes more than I hate the dentist.  The idea of finding something I like and trying things on is more than I think i can handle at this point.

On a sad note I almost lost a close friend recently.  Her port site got a hernia, then an infection.  They didnt catch it till it was destroyed and so was her stomach.  She had her band removed 2 days ago.  She is doing well and we both hope that she has learned enough in the past to years to maintain with out the band.  120 pounds was her loss and no one could inspire more than she did when it came to the use of that tool  Thanks SV for the inspriation.

Wow I looked back at my last post, and I was whiney so sorry

Its been going really good.  I walked alot the past 2 days.  I cooked for the family, and cleaned house that was a calorie burner im sure.  Nothing like being away for 2 weeks to make you re-evaluate.

So today im back to work  did great with getting food in today.  Split pea soup = great protein goes down well and if strained isnt an issue at all.  Protein is up to 30 so im happy about that.  Man its hard to squeeze that in though.  I like smoothies so thats helping too.  Adkins vanilla shake works too.  Not as good as the Kellogs but since the sugers are not there its better for me.  Working out helps and slowly but surely im getting there. 


Working out in Iowa -   the past 2 days walks have turned to showers with a work out.  Im really considering a gym and I havent ever done that.  I hate skinny girls in spandex  who are there to meet mr. wrong.  LOL  But weather here isnt very conducive to working out every day.

First day back to work someone asked me if i had lost weight ... she hadnt seen me in over a month so my pre surgery and current weight were a shock.  Man that made my day.
Oh and i put on jewelry for the first time in 5 years.  I had emerald rings that I loved but had outgrown and had in a box.  I could wear 3 of them.  Granted they are still large but 5 years man what a rush.  New blouse i had bought some time back because it was dirt cheap and gorgeous fit today.  Odd on only 2 inches all the way around made it work for me.  Smiling on the inside and out.

Denise

So today I finally made it to Iowa.  Man I already miss my mom and the stress free zone there.   Train ride was a train wreck.  I walked as muchs as i could but my incisions hurt tonight cuz of the 15 hour ride.  Then come home and clean up after the kid.  Emotional eating is pounding in my head at this point.  Going to try a  walk in a bit to fight the feeling.  Still on liquids so im sure its not realy hunger.  Then back to cleaning house.  2 weeks wreaks having on a house, thats for sure.

Its the fourth day since my band.  Im feeling really good.  Little to no incision pain.  Some discomfort in my ribs still but thats to be expected.  Doing ok on Protein shakes and yogurt now.  Water is the only other thing i can really tolerate.  Juice and broth just not doing it for me.

But for anyone thats approaching this somethings to think of.

first drink out of surgery - use a spoon so you dont get too much at once.  It helped me regulate I was so thirsty when I finally got to drink I gulped and gagged.

take as little of the pain med as possible - It slows your drinking and you get dehydrated

walk as much as possible - less cramping as everything starts to move thru


So for me what does it feel like.  Its a slight amount of pressure in my sterum.  I still dont know what the expected  full feeling is but im not hungry so that makes a difference.  I just stick to my tick sheet with water and protein and think the other will come later.   Alot of grumbly noises in my stomach even though im not hungry.  I got alot of air when I was first learning to drink the little amounts.   Today that seems so much better.  People arent looking at me odd now at least.  My sisters teased me about the monster sounds coming from my stomach.  Today its just tired.  Ill try for more protein tomorrow and see if that doesnt perk me up.  Not rushing it at this point energy will come in time.

Just finished the last appt. before surgery.  All is good now the final countdown begins. Hospital at 6:30 for an 8:30 surgery.  Finally there. 

All the blood work is good they covered everything with me today.  Working on the Halflylyte for the cleanse and a nap i think for the rest of my day.

Ony my way!

Pre-Ops Class was really funny.   I was there with 5 people  4 guys and one other girl.  A beauty queen gone south..   I realize that they were there just as scared as I was.  Once i got past that I was great...  Got my prescriptions and start the liquid preop tomorrow morning.  Counting down thats for sure...

Did have one meltdown time after I got home but my daughter called and reassured me.  So its good again.

More to come.  I have to figure out this protein and smoothie thing...  Be back later.

So I finally left Iowa and took the train to Colorado.  I had alot of time on the train to think about this and almost scared myself out of this.  Did anyone else go thru that last minute panic?  Been thru so much, the cardiac nearly kicked my butt... abnormal ekg my arse...  But i did the nuclear stress test and passed with flying colors so why back down now.  Tomorrow is the class about how to eat afterwards.  Ive done so well with the loss over 20 pounds already.  But tonight im better.  Now I wish i didnt need to wait till thursday.  I dont want the chance to talk myself out of it.  Someone said that to me today... They said im surprised your doing this you can talk yourself out of everything.  Then why couldnt I talk myself thin I thought.  Do people really not want us to lose weight?  I think I lost a friend over it today but i dont care.. I want to be healthier.  I look at that picture and thing oh my goodness im seriously miserable at this weight.

I look and look and look at the before and after pics.  I shouldnt be so obsessive and let it go.. Good thing there isnt a scale around anywhere to.....

Tomorrow will be better Im going to go for a walk and fix this mindset.