Denise32
Almost 4 month post op.....
Aug 21, 2008
2 Months Post op
Jun 30, 2008
Exercise... I have been walking 2 miles about every other day this month. I started out with a vegence and with a purpose, then I had to miss 2 days in a row and it really knocked the wind outta my sails, so now I gotta get my ass in motion again with the walking. its only been a week that I have missed.. and I notice a big difference in how I feel now compared to the days when I was walking. I started some strength training too for my arms, I actually enjoy it, and hopefully at the end of this journey I would have the saggy batwings!
I have only had one experience with dumping.. and that was after I ate pineapple. It was pinapple canned in its own juice, not syrup. I had a small bowl for an evening snack, and HOLY SH*T I thought I was gunna die.... ugh. It lasted for about 45 min.
The good news is that I haven't thrown up yet. I have a hard time relating to people who say "one more bite or one more swallow and I am going to throw up" I don't have that issue. in fact.. I am never in a painfull full feeling. I'm actually disgusted with food and have no appetite at all. I have a hard time finishing a meal.
Oh.. and wine.. I love wine. LOL. I actually had a few glasses this month. I drank it slow.. but I could definately feel the effects of the alcohol rather quickly. I can see how someone would have a transfer addiction.
Hmmm... other than that... Oh, I know, hair loss. I hate it... but I'll have to deal. I knew it was coming.. it just doesn't mean I have to be happy about it!!!
One month Surgiversary
May 28, 2008
The forum's on this website are as much of a help as they are a hinderance. I had such high hopes going into surgery. Everyone kept telling me "the weight will just fall off of you" and that couldn't be FARTHER from the truth. Anyone who thinks this is easy or some miracle cure, or that this was the easy way out seriously has to do their research before they open their mouth and say anything about anything with this surgery.
With the surgery we have to do all of those things that we had to do when we were on diets in the past. We still have to watch everything we eat (more so now than before because we could get sick). We still have to exersize and journal our food. This surgery is NOT a instant fix, and I will challenge anyone who begs to differ. What the surgery does is provide a tool, and provide restriction so you cannot consume as much food. That's it.
I found myself staying away from the forums because I began to find them upsetting. One girl posted "OMG I lost 24 lbs 2 weeks after surgery, is this normal???" Ok.. first of all, to me she was looking for a way to brag about her progress. To her I say congrats!! I'm glad you are doing so well after surgery, but if you want to post your success, then just post it, don't mask it behind some pretense of "is this normal?" Hell.. I would have been screaming that from the roof tops if that were me!! Am I jealous? Absolutely! I'm a big enough person to admit that. I had HOPED I would have had such success after surgery. BUT I didn't have that same success as she has had. Will I in the long run? Sure I will, but right now it is taking its sweet time coming off, and I'm OK with that, just not estatic about it. But as for the forums, its hard for me to be excited for someone else when I have yet to find that true excitement in my own weight loss. You know the old saying "if you don't think you can say something nice...." lol
In the last month I have found that my pouch (whom I have affectionately named Lulu) accepts everything that I toss her way. This is a blessing, and yet I find myself a little upset. I wish she had put some restrictions on me... but this just forces me to use Lulu the way it was intended...as a TOOL. I'm still in the learning process... it will take time, and I pray that I don't fail.
Shortly after surgery I had to have surgery as I had developed an infection. This infection had me down and out for 2-3 weeks in pain and discomfort making exersize impossible. Could this be another reason for the delayed weight loss? Oh, I'm sure it is.. but that doesn't make me any happier about it! But I am happy to report that the pain is gone and the "wound" is healing nicely. My surgeon FINALLY gave me the go ahead to start to exercise again. (Again??? LOL.. had I done it more regularly I wouldn't have needed the surgery, right?) Let me rephrase, the Doc gave me the go ahead to START exercising. hee hee. I feel good about exercising now, because I KNOW there will be a result. So many times in the past I have exercised and felt discouraged because the scale (aka satan's spawn) wouldn't move.
I have learned to accept measurements and to only view the scale as a humorous object. (if you believe that.. then I have some ocean view property in Iowa to sell you.) I am trying hard not to be slave to the scale.. but right now I am in the midst of a stall.. and stepping on the scale only ONCE a day in hopes it creeps down .. if only by one pound is my wish.
So my end result of this month. Do I miss food? Hell yes. Do I miss the way I used to eat? Hell yes! Do I miss emotional eating and taking pleasure in food? Hell yes! Do i miss the added weight on my joints and pain? Hell no! Do i miss the feeling of hopelessness and believing that this weight will never leave my body? Hell no. I like knowing that I have a future. No, I LOVE knowing I have a future. I love knowing that now all things are possible. But is it easy? Hell no. Would I do it again? That is the question that is yet to be determined.......(I have a sneaking suspcision that the answer will be yes.)
11 days post op and 2nd surgery
May 09, 2008
Dr. says over the phone "How far are you from the hospital"
I say "15 min"
Dr. says "Come immediately to the ER. I am ordering blood tests xrays and a cat scan."
Arrival at hospital.. ER waiting room PACKED!! We register. As were registering we hear of Flight for light arriving. There was a pile up on the high way and trama's were coming. Naturally traumas come first. Spent 2 hours in the waiting room before going back. Once I am back there I change, the hook me to an IV and let me wait for another hour for xray. After xray I wait for another 1/2 hour for a cat scan. After cat scan have to wait 1.5 hours to doc to come and talk to me. Doc was in surgery with one of the trauma's that had come in. Check in time was 5:20... Time Dr. came to see me was about 11:00 PM.
Dr. says "You have a HUGE absess under your incision that started in the mucsle and worked its up up to under the skin. We are admitting to the the hospital tonight and you will have surgery on it tomorrow to have it opened and drained. ok?"
Me...."yuuup. i guess it has to be ok, do what you gotta do....."
So I am rolled away. My room was a 19 yr old girl was t-boned in a car accident late last week. The recently found that something is up with her vertabrae T10-T12 and she ,may end up paralyzed for life.
So I tried to keep my woes to myself.. she was much more that she was dealing with. The come and take me for surgery... knock me completely out and open me up. Back inthe room my doc comes in and say..."Denise I have to be honest, that was EXTREMELY LARGE, its no wonder you were in so much pain." The nurse comes in and they proceed to train my SO on how to pack the open wound. Oh yeah.. I have an open gaping wound in my tummy now. Its about 4 inches long and 1.5 inches deep.
The doc also described my muscle, where the absess grew into, as hamburger and is almost 100% positive that I will have a hernia in 6-12 months. Another fun thing to look forward too. By this there was a part of me wishing I had just stayed fat and sassy!
BUT on the upside the pressure and pain are gone. On the down side is the whole hernia thing and the open gaping hole in my tummy for the next 4 weeks. Yeah.. thats hot.
It was fun because I had all the same nurses and they were wondering what the hell I did to myself. haha
So here I am.. tired.. feeling the need to share this experience. I hope you all had a better day than I and I hope you have a wonderufl weekend!!
First day home...4 days post up
Apr 30, 2008
Monday morning I showed up for surgery. I still had a lingering doubt in the back of my mind that it would be post poned for some reason. So I went through the pre po process, relatively non chalant. Then about 45 min before surgery was suppose to start I started to get really snappy and bitchy with Dan. The poor guy couldn't even breath the right way with out me giving him a dirty look. He understood it was my nerves and he was trying to be reassuring when he said "You'll be alright" of course.. this wasn't good enough for me either. Nope! So I say back to him "oh yeah.. easy for YOU to say your not the one going through this... are you????" Poor guy couldn't catch a break. Thats when I asked the admitting nurse for some happy juice. That was nice.
Then I was "driven" down to the OR and climbed on to the operating table. I was calm as a cucumber. My anestheologist was chattering to me. "Do you want to go to sleep?" Um.. sure. Then he injected something in my IV and put an oxygen mask on my face. I remember thinking about my kids for several seconds... then I remember thinking.. Um.. ok...this anesthesia isn't workng. .I'm still awake. So I took a couple of DEEEEEP breaths and the next thing I know I was struggling to open my eyes and my admitting nurse was there saying "Deeeniseeee. You are out of surgery and you did awesome......" The rest was a fog for a while. I remember them wheeling me to my room and I heard dan on the phone. I heard him say something about me.. and then said he would call them back because I am coming into the room.
I peeked open my eyes and I saw my beautiful babies and they looked so worried. I remember trying to tell them I was ok.. but everything was jibberish cuz of he anesthesia. All i wanted to do was sleep.. but I was trying to hard to stay awake. It was a really weird feeling.. I had no control..and I actually found that frustrating.
I remember my best friend coming to my room and she was crying. I asked her the next day why she was crying.. and she said because it was hard for her to see me in so much pain. Yes.. she is a very sweet girl.. maybe thats why we have been BFF's for 12 years. She brought me a dozen long stem apricot roses. They were/are GORGEOUS and two hillium ballons. Then Dan took the kids down to the cafeteria for lunch and Debbie.. my BFF left. And I slept. Ahhh sweet sweet sleep!!!
I woke up in the afternoon and the kids where back there with Dan again. They were so worried and doting on me hand and foot. Ha.. I never get that at home when i was feeling just fine. So even when kids don't say it.. they do love you...awww! Dan was overly attentive to me. He was trying his best to be there for me. In our relationship in the past.. there is a lot of time that he wasn't there for me... and he promised that it would all change. Later that evening my BFF came with her little son Braedyn.. he is a great little boy too.. and much like his mom can feel the pain of others. After a short time (6 pm) I had to kick everyone out.. including my kids. I was sooooo sooooooo tired. Dan was resistant to go. I finally told them.. I love you and I want you hear.. but I need to sleep..and I can't do it with you here.. so if you want to help me.. the best thing you can go is to go home now. Then they understood and left.
I found out from Dan that my little girl took it quite hard.. seeing mom that way, and cried all the way home. Deb told me her little guy did the same thing. I guess no one is used to seeing me sick or in pain. I guess that is a good thing.. because that means I am a strong woman :-).
The rest of the time at the hospital was uneventful.. other than the time I slept funny on my hand that had the IV in.. and all the IV fluid when into my hand and it looked like one of those latex gloves after you blow it up. Oh..I had a private room.. that was WONDERFUL
The nursing staff was great and everyone that came from other departments were wonderful. I always very grateful and said "thank you so much" because truely..with out their help and support I would have been much worse off....even tho it is their "job" they went out of their way to make me feel welcome and accepted.
So finally it was Wednesday day of discharge!! I woke up at 4:30 that morning feeling great...Other than the nausea.. the pain had subsided greatly. I got things together in my room and packed. Changed my cloths and rested untiil Dan arrived. But when I opened my eyes.. holy crap.. NAUSEA! The nurses aid said I should use that as a guide when I have done too much.
My first day at home was uneventful..I have no hunger, but make myself eat because I have to. Oh.. when my puppy saw me.. he went BIZERK!!! Poor lil guy probably thought I died or that he was never going to see me again. Dan had to hold him back because he wanted to jump on me in the worst way. Then the kids came home said "hi mom" and then began to bicker with each other. Ahh yess.. it was very good to be home again.
On a side note.. I must apologize for any random thoughts or typo's. I am currently in my first hour after taking my pain meds..and am a little jacked up!!! Ahh sweet sweet pain meds......
One more day.. craziness
Apr 26, 2008
Let's rewind to Thursday evening. I came home after running some errorands. I noticed that my answering machine light was flashing. So I listen... "Hi Denise, this is Carol from Midwest Bariatrics. We recieved a phone call from your insurance today informating us that your procedure is not covered nor has it ever been approved. I urge to you call your insurance company and put some pressure on them."
Naturally my heart strop. I had ONE day to get this figured out before the weekend and then surgery on Monday. WTF was going on??? My heart was pounding.. but yet I was very calm. Perhaps it was a state o shock. Or maybe I wasn't shocked at all? Maybe I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. I had posted previously that I didn't expect the surgery to go through....for whatever reason.. and here it was. This was the end. Then I was angry... because I worked so hard for everything this last year....ugh...
To wrap that story up.. I got a phone call from my insurance advocate..and she told me is was a blunder on the part of the insurance..and I was infact still approved. Then I was estactic again.
Moving on..... Later Friday I had to meet my surgeon. I have to say.. Dr. Wasco was extremely nice. There is a woman on the wiscnsin board who had a bad experience..and I do feel badly for her. However I have nothing but good things to to say about him thus far.
Dr. Wasco helped to put me at ease about my liver...b/c many of your know that is my #1 fear.. that my liver will be too big and insurance will not take place. Dr. Wasco as well as his nurse practioner have told me that it has been 1ce in 2 years that they have had to do that. But.. I'm still nervous!!
Anyway... so that about it for now. I probably won't post again until after surgery. Oooo... I just got butterflies.
5 Days until RNY
Apr 22, 2008
I don't really have any thing to blog.. just felt that I should. I'm sure in 4 days I am going to be completely jacked up and bouncing off the walls.
I'm still scared about the liver thing. I probably will be until I wake up and find out what happened. My insurance is going to be changing the month after the surgery.. and they do not cover WLS....hence my reasons for being skerred. I know I'm a big whiner about that...but that is something i can't shake. In fact I almost have myself believing that it won't even happen. Maybe that is why I feel this unnerving calmness about myself right now.
Only time will tell.
10 days and counting.. and the Pre Op testing...
Apr 17, 2008
Then they shuffled me to xray where I changed my cloths and put on a gown and they took 2 chest xrays. Then they put me back in the xray waiting room and I made small talk with another woman... I was trying not to be assumptious, but I did ask her if she was getting pre op work done and she said yes. Then she left for the GI scope. and I waited for about 20 min.. then they came and got me..... that was the longest test I think. I had 3 things to swallow. The first is a little shot glass of carbonation, and I wasn't allowed to burp, and then I had to chug down this thick white stuff.. Called barium...or barillium. Its mud thick. The radiologist then had me stand this way and stand that way while he snaps shots. Then the bed laid down, with me on it, that was pretty cool. and he has you rollin all around on the table to coat your stomache with this stuff. Then while I was laying down I had to driink another runnier version of that stuff while . The radiologist was taking pictures of my swallowing. It was interesting because you could see the screen and watch your stomache get white and fill up and your swallowing. Very cool. I have to add the radiologist was a hottie!
THEN I went back, changed out of my gown and into my cloths, and I was shuffled off to the 2nd floor to Pulmonology. This was intresting too. I had to breath in funky ways and hold my breath and exhale until I could not exhale any longer.. and I did this by breathing in this tube like thing. Oh and for one of the test, I was in a chamber, its funky.
THEN its off to Surgical associates on the 4th floor to pay the 240 fee. Then there was break for about an hour. Oh.. at each testing session I kept bumping into the one girl I mentioned earlier who was also there for pre ops. Her name is Cindy. She was one step ahead of me with all the pre op stuff. So then her and I went on the break together and chit chatted. I told her about this web site. and we compared questions to ask the dr. etc etc.
So when we got back from break, we had to go back to the surgeons office and meet as a group. There were 5 of us going through the preop testing that day, and we all have surgery dates the 28th or 29th (but I'm the first one having surgery of all of them! lol) So we went as a group to see Dustin (the personal trainer) and his speech was very long... an hour.. of learning about the history of exersize, and why we need to do it. After that we met with the bariatric coordinator...that was an hour, and we went over binder that they gave us, and then NUT came down and went through nutrition fast before sending us home at 4:30 that day. Now.... my nut said we should avoid alcohol for one year!!!! I'm no lush.. but if I want to have a glass of wine when I am a few month out, then I will have a glass of wine, I will just use caution. I know that I wont' ever be able to drink like I do now. She said that we should avoid it for the first year, potentially for life if we could, because she has heard horror stories. Well.. I have heard horror stories of the surgery..but I'm still getting that done!!!
So the time draws nearer.....!!!!!
Only 2 more weeks.....
Apr 13, 2008
I guess I worry about what is going to happen during surgery. Not what they are doing to me.. but waking up. I know that I am not alone with this fear, and I know that I shouldn't worry, but I do.
Another fear is that the Doc will not perform the surgery based on my liver size. He is known for postponing surgery if he see your liver is still enlarged. Everyone has said that I will be just fine. But there is that still "What if..??" factor that is left alone to toy with itself in my mind. I mull it over and over, and I get butterflies in my tummy....
It's such an emotional ride. We start this journey investigating, seeing awesome results and decide to go for it. Then we start the process ..and we know we want it.. but there is still that part of us.. tucked away in the back of our minds.. it doesn't quite seem real. Then we get the approval are we are bouncing off the walls.. because its really going to happen!!!
The our date creeps up on us..... and we realize....
This ........
IS.........
really.......
going........
to.....
happen.....
I am prepared.. I AM prepared.. I am PREPARED. I have been like a fighter training for a fight. I quit my bad habbits, and I followed the rules. Now I am just waiting for the big day......
Rubble Rubble Rubble
Apr 04, 2008
These Dancing Dudes are my crew.. they're doing the happy dance for me!
These hands represent my friends, family, my OH family for supporting me and applauding my decision to quit smoking and take my health back!
This is Dan, and my kids Justin and Haley. Lord knows I am driving them crazy these days!!!
And this is me.. bouncing off the MO FO walls because April 28th can't come fast enough!!!!
