Denise32
The start of the mind's journey
Mar 23, 2008
What's amazing to me is... I have always known that I love food. Everything about it in fact, taste, texture, the fullness I feel. An alcoholic will turn to alcohol to drown their problems, but a food addict will turn to food. I always denied that I was a food addict. Pffffttt.. I was convinced that I had no emtional eating habits.... until this last month.
I knew I would have to deal with head hunger after RNY, so I started to pay attention to my food triggers.. and that is when I realized I am a closet eater!! OMG.. why didn't I see this about myself before? When Dan was in bed asleep or when he was gone. When the kids were at school, when no one would see me eat it. While I was eating I would feel sooo good and relaxed and take pleasure in the food. After I was done, and the food was consumed... I felt guilt and shame. There were nights when Dan went out with his friends and I was alone. What do you think I did? I grabbed food, or I went through a drive through.
I have a month before surgery to get my diet underway the way the doctor would like me too. But I have another month to work on my head hunger so those first long few weeks will be slightly more tolerable.
I have made comments about saying goodbye to my favorite foods, and I was told once that I am not saying "goodbye" I am saying "see ya later!" Do you know that this comment actually made me sad? I was prepared to say goodbye. I was prepared to forge ahead in life and separate myself from those foods that have put me in this position in the first place. But when I was told this wasn't good bye.. that it was "see ya later" do you know what that did? That put a glimer of hope in a food addicts mind that one day I can still enjoy the cookie dough, reese's peece's, fried motza sticks.. etc etc..and that glimer of hope made me sad because I don't want to ever return to this.
I guess the fact that it made me sad to have had that glimer of hope means that my mind has taken the first steps in healing. I know it will be behind my body in terms of healing.. but hopefully I can try to keep them both on the same level...........
It's not only a physical transformation but also a mental work out.......
bring it on....
Random thoughts of the pre-op
Mar 14, 2008
Well, 2 weeks down, 6 more to go! *sigh* sometimes I feel like its never going to get here, other times I see the glass as half full and say "only 42 more days ...and my new life will begin." Most days I am incredibly calm, other days, like today, I freak out a little bit and need advise. What exactly do I need to do to prepare? So many thoughts and ideas, but I tend to OVER DO and would like to know exactly what is what. I think I will probably post in the forum and see what the experienced ladies have to say 
I am truly grateful to have such a wonderful support community to turn to. We are all instantly bonded because we have shared so much of the same struggles and journey and we understand like others cannot. I have already made a vow to myself that I am not going to disappear once my surgery and the physical healing have gone away because I know I will still need emotional healing.
Is it possible to be an O.H. addict???
Mar 07, 2008
A Fat Day...
Mar 05, 2008
I know I should feel cofort with the fact that my surgery is scheduled, and I know that there are so many out there yet that are still waiting to hear of their fate from the insurance company. I truly don't mean to complain because I know there are people that have had their heart broken because they were unable to get a surgery they so desperately needed. For all of you my prayers are with you, and I wish you all the best of luck on your journey. As for me, today I am still a morbidly obese woman.. and I'm just having one of those "fat" days..and needed to ramble about it! I'm grateful that I do have light at the end of the tunnel,,,but its still a long haul before I reach my goal.
Ohhhh!! The anticipation!!!!!!
Mar 02, 2008
The big day is April 28th. I was heart broken when I got the date. I think because earlier my Dr. office had said they are only about 2 weeks out for surgeries. BUT that was before the Doc's decided they needed a week or two of vacation. Pffffffft... I shoud call him up and tell him that vacations are overrated. Afterall, what could possibly change being a 'miracle worker' in the eyes of those he treats?? hee hee.
As much as I wish it were closer, I am also grateful that its not. I'm scared, and I'm excited. I can't wait, yet I can. I worry about what I will eat, will I get sick? How much pain will I be in? Am I prepared? How long will it take me to reach goal? Is my goal weight unrealistic? There are so many different questions. My first is my special pre op diet. I have read that many are on the protein shake diet or liquid diet. Mine is different. I have to be on the low carb/no sugar diet. This is my menu. 4 oz of protein, 1 cup veggie, and one fruit for breakfast lunch and dinner. no grazing, no snacking. If I get the urge to snack.. I need to drink, drink, drink fluids.
Is anyone else on the same diet? What are your goals? What are your questions?
So Excited!!!
Feb 26, 2008
So I had my phone conference with the insurance appeal panel today. Needless to say it did NOT go as I had planned. In fact when I got off the phone I cried because I had this gut feeling that it was over. I poured two glasses of wine and tried to figure out what I was going to do next.
Two hours later, when I was running errands I got a phone call from a member of the appeals committe..........and I WAS APPROVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG.. I cried. I was so happy..and in so much shock and disbelief!!! For almost 10 months I have been fighting and trying to figure things out..and make this work SOMEHOW...and its here, and I couldn't be more estatic!!! First thing tomorrow I am calling the hospital and going to find out the next steps in my process.......
I wanted to give a thanks to all of those who said an extra prayer for me today and yesterday... thank you thank you thank you thank you!!!!!!!!
Appeal Process
Feb 25, 2008
So I faxed in my appeal and I gave it one week then I called the insurance company to ensure they had it. I still feel sorry for the little girl that answerd my phone call that day *sigh* she never saw it coming. Eka (that was the name of the girl on the phone) informed me that appeals doesn't accept faxed appeal letters and pretty much I was S.O.L because I was past my 30 days to submit the appeal. WHAT?!?!?!?!?! Ohhhhh helllllllllllllllllllllllll no she did not just say that!! I think my blood pressure peaked faster than it ever had in the past. Some words were exhcanged and ended up with me demanding a call back from a supervisor. Which I didn't get for 3 days! When the supervisor did call I had a nice little chat with her (you can attract more bee's with honey than with salt!) and they decided to accept my faxed appeal.. Yayyyyyyy I won that small battle... but now I need to win the WAR!
In the process of the appeal my new sleep study came up, and I had to trudge down to the hospital and get all hooked up. I'm clausterphobic and being glued, tied, and strapped really had me worked up. I tried to maintain, but nearly lost all my composure with that thing they stick up your nose that curves around your lip and teeth. Then when I woke up after two hours I ripped that thing out...only to be scolded by the tech. I don't think she liked me very much, I was rather rude with her....but hell, I was having an axiety attack and the last thing I needed was to be patronized at that moment. I ended up refusiing the CPAP machine in my frenzy...... lets fastfoward to the present......
So I got a phone call from Rick.. a nice man that is going to be on the appeal committee for my surgery. I talked to him quite a bit and he suggested I find some documentation from my doctors indicating that I have clausterphobia. Wouldn't you know it, not a one of them doc'd it. Nice.. but that is besides the point.... the point is tomorrow... at 12:15 in the afternoon I will be on a phone conference with a panel of 5 people trying to convince them to approve this surgery. I will have to use all my knowledge, my charm, and my persuasivness to bring them to my side. For them to see why this surgery is so important for my life and my future.......
With that I am going to sign off......
Please send up some prayers and positive thoughts... I need all that I can get right now.......
Insurance...the hated one!!!
Jan 28, 2008
So let's discuss insurance. Oh.. before I begin, i work for a national Health Insurance carrier, and in the insurance section I saw that many of you didn't have problems with them.. so I am very happy to hear that :-) However, they don't cover the Roun n y procedure for their own employees. Well, they do.. but they don't. They only cover 5000.00 and seriuosly... what is that when we are discussing a 28 k surgery??? So I went on to my boyfriends insurance because they DO cover it, but they have strict guidelines. Well for 8 months I jumped through their hoops. I did what was asked and reported to my dr. dutifully for 6 months. Get this.. through this process I GAINED weight because i quit smoking. I guess you can gain weight eating fruits and veggies in excess! Geeeesh
So ....off went my information to the insurance company. I nervously waited. Then it came in the mail. DENIAL!!! OMG... for days I was 
and beside myself. How could this person, this person who never met me understand my life? My health conditions, and my ...my everything? How could this person who doesn't know anything about me DENY my right to a healthy life style? They had my pre-auth denied the same day it was received. I gave my all for 6-7 months.. and they turned me down with out even a hesitation.
They told me that it wasn't medically necessary. They told me that my co-morbidities could be controlled with medication. Oh really? Thanks for the update Sherlock... but last time I checked.. they could all be controled with medication, or medical interventions. But I didn't want to be TREATED... I wanted to be cured.
So after I got off my butt and stopped having the pity party for one that I was locked into for days... I started to research, and research and research. I must say I put together one hell of an appeal letter. I talked to my Dr. and she said she would write a strong letter on my behalf....whatever I needed her to do. So now I am waiting on her to get her letter back to me so I can get my letter and hers to the hospital so it can be faxed to insurance. I only have one more week to get it in. This insurance company only allows one shot at an appeal. Its craziness.
Wish me luck.... I will need all the thoughts and prayers that I can get right now.
