diminishingdeborah

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Now I'm almost through day 2.  I feel kind of out of it but i don't have to work until wednesday, so I can just lounge around.  I'm looking forward to being able to eat soft protein tomorrow.  This really is like going through the gastric bypass again ( minus the actual surgery, pain and length og time).  I hope this helps me get back on track

dd

So,  I'm almost through day 1.

It's tough, but I am reminded that I did this for a week pre- op and then couldn't eat for a month after. ( I had complications).  It's a great reminder of just how far afeild i've gotten.  I really hope this helps put me  back on the right path.  i went and got the new gym schedule yesterday and even walked back home.  Gotta keep up the momentum!!!!!!!!

stay tuned.

dd

so now- I've planned for it.  I am doing the protein shakes tomorrow.  A lot of sadness and anxiety is coming up.  I want to get back to basics and lose weight, but I also want to be able to eat everything.

I'm sad cuz I can't have it both ways.  Also, my life changed drastically after surgery. I ended up leaving my partner of 9 years and while I do not regret my choice to do that, I do regret hurting her.  So- revisitning the protein diet reminds me of how supportive she was. I think part of my self destructive behavior has to do with guilt over  hurting her. Somehow, I have to forgive myself and stop punishing myself by eating foods that arebad for me.

wish me luck.

DD

well- today's weght is 221.2.  So- that's some progresss.  thnk just tuning in is helping me to snack less and stop eatng before  get uncomfortably full.  I have along ay to go before  am back on track but I'm feelng less out of control than I was last weekend.

weight today is the same as yesterday. 222.4. I did eat carbs yesterday. Wow did I ever have an emotional reaction to limit setting.  i think this is going to be a slow process. The only thing I can realistically commit to right now is a daily weigh in.  Then at least I will know the reality and it does help me to resist some temptation. 


I have to be soooo careful or I trigger the oppsitional defiant, self hating behavior that i want to avoid. it's like I am at war with myself and have to plan
a strategy to win that war- but since both sides are me- who realy wins/

dd

interesting- I cannot handle the idea of doing no- carbs for five days.  i am completely freaking out.  So I'm going to take it a bit slower. I am going to do the low carb thing - just one carb serving per meal. I feel calmer about that.  In the meantime, I ordered lots of high protein and vegetable ingredients for meals this week.  I'm trying but really struggling.

D

I am going to weigh myself evry day.
today's weight is 222.

well- it's about 3 and a  half years since I had the RNY.  I got down to 198 from 306 and then had  bacterial colitis. I had to eat only simple carbs for a wile.  however, I never got nack on track and have slowly put on 22 pounds since then.  My behavior is all wrong.  i'm not exercising.  i snack and i eat simple carbs.  I'm buying bigger clothes just like i did when I gained weight in the first place.  It's time for me to get real and face that I have to go back to doing what I need to do to take care of myself. I'm going to start today.