dnaturner

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At the beginning I said I wasn't going to be one of those people who stopped blogging on here.  And what did I do, I stopped!  I'm just bad, bad, bad!
Its just this new life that I have now is amazing!  i'm down now 97 pounds!  Thats alot!  I feel and look normal now.  I think if you didn't know me or my story you would never know I used to be big.  I see pictures of my old self and feel that is not me.  I look swollen.  I look now like I always thought I really was.  In my mind, I was never really big, just a little fluffy.   I'm still the same person who I used to be.  I think people forget that.  They think your outside is drastically different so your inside should be as well.  I still have the same insecurities and fears.  I still worry  I'm the biggest person in the room.  When I see myself naked I dont focus on the good, I see what still needs to change. 
I am more active now.  We have been hiking and running together.  This weekend my hubby and I are going rock climbing-that will be a first! 
This surgery does change you.  Really and truley for the better.  My children will see  a healthier mom.  It is taking a while, but my confidence is growing.  I'm starting to feel more accepted in this world.  And I must say, clothes under a size 10 are so cute! :)

Wow!  50 pounds!  I've never lost that much in my life.  To try to pick up a bag of 50 pounds is very heavy, yet thats what I was carrying around! (I have another 50 to go, but no need to dwell on that)  
I'm actually starting to feel more normal.  I can wear normal clothes, and that feels really good!  I'm very excited to see what the next few weeks bring.
I'm not eating much which I dont think is a good thing.  Chicken is very hard to eat.  Soft foods like cheese feel the best. 

Well I've made it to 6 weeks!  Ive lost 34 pounds and 28 inches.  I have great energy and have been going to the gym regularly.  My husband commented tonight that he can really tell a difference in me.  I know that I've lost a lot of weight already but I feel as though everything is slowing down so much that its kind of discouraging.  I know that is crazy.  I want to be skinny and healthy.  I'm trying to tell myself just give it more time.  In another 6 weeks I'll be well under 200.  I guess Im also a little mad at myself.  Why did I let myself get this big in the first place?  Why could I not controll my eating habits and take better care of myself?  No body else did this to me.  This surgery has really opened my eyes to the fact that there is no one else to blame for this.  I have to take responsibility for my actions.  I'm changing my life for the better and am going to use this tool to be who I'm meant to be.  The real Amy that God intended.

Well Ive been home for about a week recovering from my RYN.  I have had 4 C sections and this was so much eaiser.  I really have not had any pain at all.  I rest all day and do my 3 10 minute walks a day.  I drink water and live on sugar free popsicles but I'm not hungry.  I've already lost 12 pounds.  Its crazy. 

Today should be an exciting day, just 2 weeks from today and I have my surgery!  It would be a happy time except for the grey cloud of doom and gloom my family is putting over me.  (not my hubby, but my parents)  I knew they werent 100% supportive of the idea but now they have prettty much taken it upon themselves to discourge me as much as possible.  They have never really been very supportive of me and now they are very critical.  My personality is that of a pleaser, but this time no matter how much they push, I'm not changing my mind.  This is for me.  My decision and my life.  They have never suffered one day of weight issues and I've struggled my whole life.  No, I cant just "cut back, eat less, and excersise" my way out of this.  I am overweight and I'm doing something about this.  Its my kids that I want to do this for.  I dont want to have health issues that keep me from enjoying them.  I want to live longer for them. Thankfully my sister and brother are very supportive and my husband is like a rock.  Why then do I put so much on what my parents think?  I just wish they would be supportive.  Oh well, I guess I'll make an appointment with the psycologist again!

My surgeons office called today and scheduled my date:  Jan 3rd!! I'll be having gastric bypass.  I'm very scared and very excited all at the same time.  I cant help but wonder what my new life will be like.  Its going to be strange to not eat what I want when I want it.  I'm definatly ready for it.  I can not go on being this over weight.  Its time to take controll of my life.  I've always been able to loose weight but it always comes back and then some.  How?  I dont know.  I've just decided that I need help, real help.  Deciding to have this surgery has not been easy.  There are a lot of people who dont understand.  I've decided to only tell a few people because I dont want to hear anyones story about some one they knew who had it and is doing bad.  This is a choice that I've made and I dont need to justify it.  I know that sounds a little bitter, I'm really not, I'm just to that point of not needing to explain my self to everyone.  I only want to surround my self with positive energy!  The date is fast approaching and this is really going to happen!