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Starting weight:............274 - day before surgery
1 week - 11 pounds to 263 = 11 pound
2 weeks - 5 pounds to 258 = 16 pounds
3 weeks - 5 pounds to 253 = 21 pounds
4 weeks - 5 pounds to 248 = 26 pounds
5 weeks - 3 pounds to 245 = 29 pounds
6 weeks - 1 pound.. to 244 = 30 pounds
7 weeks - 4 pounds to 240 = 34 pounds
8 weeks - 4 pounds to 236 = 38 pounds
9 weeks - 2 pounds to 234 = 40 pounds
10 weeks - 5 pounds to 229 = 45 pounds
11 weeks - 4 pounds to 225 = 49 pounds
12 weeks - 3 pounds to 222 = 52 pounds
13 weeks - 5 pounds to 217 = 57 pounds
14 weeks - 3 pounds to 214 = 60 pounds
15 weeks - 3 pounds to 211 = 63 pounds
16 weeks - 4 pounds to 207 = 67 pounds
17 weeks - 1 pound. to 206 = 68 pounds
18 weeks - 4 pounds to 202 = 72 pounds
19 weeks - 3 pounds to 199 = 75 pounds
20 weeks - 3 pounds to 196 = 78 pounds
21 weeks - 2 pounds to 194 = 80 pounds
22 weeks - 2 pounds to 192 = 82 pounds
23 weeks - 4 pounds to 188 = 86 pounds
24 weeks - 5 pounds to 183 = 91 pounds
26 weeks - 5 pounds to 178 = 96 pounds (two weeks) (SIX MONTHS)27 weeks - 2 pounds to 176 = 98 pounds
27 WEEKS, 4 DAYS - 2 POUNDS TO 174 = 100 POUNDS!!!
28 weeks - 4 pounds to 172 = 102 pounds
29 weeks - 0 pounds to 172 = 102 pounds (frown)
30 weeks - 2 pounds to 170 = 104 pounds (yeah!)
31 weeks - 4 pounds to 166 = 108 pounds
32 weeks - 3 pounds to 163 = 111 pounds
33 weeks - 1 pound. to 162 = 112 pounds
34 weeks - 3 pounds to 159 = 115 pounds
35 weeks - 2 pounds to 157 = 117 pounds
36 weeks + 2 pounds to 159 = 115 pounds
37 weeks - 3 pounds to 156 = 118 pounds
38 weeks - 2 pounds to 154 = 120 pounds (whew!)
39 weeks - 2 pounds to 152 = 122 pounds
40 weeks - 4 pounds to 148 = 126 pounds
42 weeks - 5 pounds to 143 = 131 pounds (2 weeks)
44 weeks - 2 pounds to 141 = 133 pounds (2 weeks)
45 weeks + 1 pound. to 142 = 132 pounds
46 weeks - 5 pounds to 137 = 137 pounds (Yeah!)
48 weeks - 0 pounds to 137 = 137 pounds
49 weeks - 0 pounds to 137 = 137 pounds
50 weeks - 3 pounds to 134 = 140 pounds
51 weeks + 3 pounds to 137 = 137 pounds
52 weeks - 0 pounds to 137 = 137 pounds13 MONTHS + 1 pounds to 138 = 138 pounds
14 MONTHS + 4 pounds to 142
16 MONTHS - 5 pounds to 137
18 MONTHS + 1 pound to 138
24 MONTHS - 6 pounds to 132
24 MONTHS, 4 DAYS - 3 pounds to 129!
27 1/2 MONTHS + 18 pounds to 147
6 YEARS - 142
PRE-OP MEASUREMENTS:
ARMS 17/17.5
CHEST 41/51
WAIST 43
ABS 58
HIPS 54
THIGHS 32/33
CALVES 18/18
6 MONTH POST-OP MEASUREMENTS:
ARMS 13/13
CHEST 34/43
WAIST 32
ABS 40
HIPS 42
THIGHS 25.5/24.75
CALVES 15.75/15.5
1 YEAR POST-OP MEASUREMENTS:
ARMS 10/10.5
CHEST 30/36
WAIST 27
ABS 33
HIPS 35.5
THIGHS 21/20.5
CALVES 13.75/13.5
2 YEAR POST-OP MEASUREMENTS:
ARMS 10/10.5
CHEST 29.5/36
WAIST 26.5
ABS 32.5
HIPS 36
THIGHS 20.5/20.25
CALVES 13.5/13.5
2/4/09 - 6 YEARS - Wow! A lot of water passed under the bridge since I last posted! Hard to believe it has been so long! I don't even know where to start! Let's just say that the last 4 years have found me wanting to be 'normal', if there ever is such a thing. My exercise finally dropped off to almost nothing, well, except the spring and summer that I took up running. I think I just wanted to be free. Free from being a gastric bypass patient. Free from having my life revolve around food, supplements, excercise, and the scale. And, break free I did. In some ways I think it was healthy. So much of my life seemed to be wrapped up in gastric bypass in one form or fashion, to the point where the gastric bypass was part of my identity. It wasn't just a tool, but more like who I had become. I'm not sure living that wrapped up in it is a good thing. The down side is that pulling myself away also meant letting some things go a bit...exercise, supplements...diet guidelines. So, I bet any smart reader can guess what happend...I gained some weight. But, you know the funny thing is that I wasn't totally freaked out about it. It wasn't "who I was". So, last winter I reached my highest post-op weight yet...I got up to 163#. At that point I had to force myself to buy some new pants, yet again. I was not particularly happy about it, but like I said, I wasn't freaked out either. Then, in July last year I started to drop weight in a hurry, for no apparent reason....and that was the start of my ongoing health issues! Since then, I've been having all sorts of miscellaneous, odd seemingly non-related health symptoms. I will spare you the details, but I'm really starting to think that the surgery, coupled with my laxness about taking my supplements (I should qualify that by saying I rarely, to never, didn't take any supplements, I just wasn't always good about getting all of them in on any given day...and would sometimes go months without protein supplements), has led me down the road of having other health issues. What is frustrating is that I don't currently have insurance, and the Dr.'s seem to want to bark up the tree of fixing the worst symptoms rather than looking for the underlying cause of those (and all the other) symptoms. So, as of today, I now weigh 142#, wear a size 8, and am in generally decent health...I hope...I think...I pray! All of that to say...please, please, please, make sure to take all of your supplements....and make sure they aren't the cheap, junky ones. Do some research, and buy supplements that will actually nourish your body...your long term health may depend on it. I used to think it was 'too expensive' to buy quality supplements, but in all reality, it is too expensive not to. Besides, think of all the money I've saved on food all these years! : ) Blessings to you, where ever you are on your journey. May you find peace and rest in the One who created you in His image and likeness!
5/18/05 - 27 1/2 MONTHS - Reading the first line of my last post is almost depressing. The only reason I'm posting is in hopes of it some how motivating me to stay back on track. After my last post, I had dinner with some friends, went off my low carb/low calorie 'diet' and gained weight instantly. Ever since then I've eaten ANY and EVERYthing I want. Now, I've gained back 18 pounds. I am so miserable. Even my fat pants are tight on me...and how many days can you wear the same 4 or 5 pair of pants? This is no longer being all it's cracked up to be. It's almost like I've never even had the surgery...except for the fact that I can't eat as much...and that I'm hungry all of the time. Not that I'd consider those benefits. At least before surgery I would eat, be full, and stay full for hours. I know this is only a 'tool' and that i have to work with it for the rest of my life...I just didn't think it would ever get this hard again. It seems that in order to maintain my weight I have to stick with a low-carb 1500 calorie a day diet. There's that evil word again. I know this is supposed to be a lifestyle change. It's just being so hard right now. I almost want to cry. Here I sit at 147 pounds feeling every bit as fat and trapped by food as I did at 274. I know it's stupid, but that's how I feel right now. I did start some counseling recently...I sure hope it helps...and soon. Since my last post, I've also taken up running. The first time I went out I could hardly run for two non-consecutive minutes. Now 10 weeks later, I can run for about 30 minutes straight and am running a 10 minute mile. I have really come to enjoy my time running. The only problem is that when I run I am starving all day. That's actually when my additional weight gain started. When I stopped eating low-carb/low-cal, I almost instantly bounced back to the 137 range. Then, when I started running, I was starving all of the time and slowly started to gain weight...another 10 pounds worth! And its not all muscle either...unless that poochy stomach roll counts. Well, I've decided its time to get back on the wagon before it runs me over! Today I've cut all carbs from my diet and upped my protein and water intake again. I was hoping to go back to all liquids for a few days but would have chewed through my desk by now...so, I have had some nuts and cheese and will probably eat one more time today. I guess that’s about it. Hopefully, this hasn't been too depressing for anyone who might read it. It sure feels better to get some of this off my mind.
2/4/05 - 2 - YEARS 4 DAYS - I DID IT, I DID IT, I DID IT!!!! I finally made it out of the 130's! After all of this time, I really didn't think this would happen!!! I also had my 2 year check up today. Asked about having a bone scan done because I realized the calcium I had been taking wasn't 2000mg of ELEMENTAL calcium...which means I've only been getting like 400mg of elemental for the last two years now. Yikes! My nurse said on one hand it might be a good idea, and on the other, it might not really be necessary and told me I would have to ask my primary to order it though. I also asked about plastic surgeons and was given a few names. I stopped down on the next floor (plastics) and talked to someone about consults and fees. Sounds like I don't have enough 'problems' to even think about getting insurance to pay for it. I did find out that a tummy tuck...only...no muscle is only around $4000 - which kind of surprised me, I thought it would be a lot more. Of course, how many people go in for a tuck and come out with the works?!? The consult fee alone is $80...which is a bit of a bummer. I think I'll do some calling around and see if I can get in for a consult anywhere else cheaper...it would be nice to know what I'm looking at as far as procedures go. Well, I'm off to assemble the triple layer chocolate turtle cake I'm making (chocolate cake, chocolate glaze, caramel, and pecans X's 3) to take to a friends house for dinner...at least I have good motivation not to eat it now! But the butter roasted pecans are killing me...I've got to get them on the cake before I eat them all!
1/31/05 - 2 YEARS - I've finally done it! After all this time I've managed to kick start my weight loss again. I am now officially at my lowest weight yet. I'm only losing about a pound a week...but I'll take what I can get at this point! I still haven't started back exercising. I told myself I would today...and the day isn't over yet...so, we'll see. Food wise, things have been going too well. I had been eating all sorts of junk...and had also started drinking Coke about once a week. I could eat just about anything without major consequence...except ice cream of any kind...even sugar free. It seemed as though I had 'out eaten' my dumping...if there is such a thing. Anyway, I had gotten to the point where I was starving all of the time and wondering if there was something wrong with me. I would eat 8-10 times a day...and not always just a tiny bit. Ironically, I was still yo-yoing between 136-142. Well, about 6-8 weeks ago, I was at that 142 point...all of the junk over the holidays didn't help much...and I was getting worried because even my 'fat' pants were on the tight side. I tried to cut back a bit, and it did help some with the weight...but I was starving all of the time. Then, I had remembered reading about doing a 'protein feast' to cut carb cravings and get back on track. So, I figured I had nothing to lose and tried it. Well, it worked like a charm. Not only did my carb cravings go away, but so did my hunger! It is amazing. Now, I'm only hungry maybe 2-3 times a day - instead of ALL day and night. I also started tracking my calories and have kept in the 1000-1200 range for the most part. I am just amazed at the results. I didn't think I would ever see 134 again let alone go any lower. I am excited to think that getting into the 120's is actually a real possibility now. I also took my measurements this morning. I was almost afraid to do it, but it turned out that for the most part I had stayed the same all year...except losing 1/2" in both my waist and abdomen. How cool is that? The only down side is that over the past week or so, I have been having major tummy trouble again. It seems that any time I go on a high protein diet, my ulcer symptoms reappear. I started back on Prilosec today, hopefully that will help. I go in for my two year check up on the 4th. If things aren't doing some better by then, I'll mention it. I'm also going to ask about plastic surgery. I know I probably don't have enough skin to qualify for insurance to pay for it, but like my hubby says, "You already know the answer if you don't ask the question." So, it's worth a shot anyway. Every once in a while I will stand in front of the mirror and pull all of the skin on my stomach up tight and 'dream' of what it would be like to have a flat tummy. Sometimes I'm surprised by what I see. Like, I actually have hip bones! And it would be so nice to be able to wear all of those skimpy undies without having to make sure my 'flab' doesn't hang out anywhere...which is so hard to do right now. As far as the 'girls' go...well, of course, I would like to see them back where they belong...but somehow, I think the tummy would do more for my self image. Well, that's about all for now. I have a few pictures of myself on my 'puter now...I'll have to try to get one posted here one of these days. Thanks to everyone for all of your encouragement and support over these last two+ years!
8/6/04 - 18 MONTHS - Not much has changed. Still wanting to lose more weight....still not holding my breath. Still not exercising. Still pushing it with the carbs. Still maintaining my weight. I guess if anything has changed it would be that I can say that I think I am finally starting to see myself as smaller. Probably not how other people see me, just smaller. It's strange though because one day I can think I look pretty darn good and then the next day think I am huge. At least it is getting there. I think my tummy trouble is finally over. I did end up going to see my primary back in late May. He told me that the reason my stomach still hurt was because everything indeed wasn't okay. Basically, that if I had tested positive for H. Pylori back in November that the antibiotics probably cleared up the ulcers in my pouch and intestine but that if I was still in pain, that it was likely that I still had ulcers in my old stomach that they couldn't see. He recommended that I switch to Prilosec every day for a month, then every other day, then every third day. Of course, I didn't follow his instructions because it seemed that things were slowly getting better. So now, I haven't taken my Protonix for 6-8 weeks now and I'm feeling quite well. It's so nice to not have that stomach pain every few weeks. I was beginning to think that would never go away. Hopefully, it will be smooth sailing from here on out. I went dirt bike riding this last weekend for the first time in three years! That was quite the adventure. I had so much fun, I can hardly wait to get back out and do it again. Then, this next week, my best friend is having her surgery. I'm so excited for her. I hope and pray that all goes well. I'm also hoping that her surgery will help me get back in gear. I was talking to another friend this last week and she was telling me that even if was able to lose another 10 pounds that I probably still wouldn't be happy with my body. I know I need to get over it and just learn to like what I see. It's like I'm stuck in the 'just another 10 pound' mode and can't seemed get motivated to get going yet, can't seem to give it up either. It's like I've hated my body for so long now that I don't know how to learn to like it even when everyone else tells me how thin I am. Of course, thin isn't exactly what I would call myself but, I'm starting to realize that I'm not exactly fat either. This last year and a half has definitely been an amazing journey...one that definitely isn't over yet!
6/2/04 - 16 MONTHS - Wonders never cease...I actually made it back to update my profile! Until recently, I could never figure out why people wouldn't keep coming back and updating their profiles regularly...then one day my life finally stopped revolving around my surgery. It is the coolest thing! Not that I will ever escape some of my wls limitations, or forget that I am still an 'obese' person in a thin body but, at last, I can finally say, "I'm free". Free from the fat. Free from the scale. And free from my life revolving around WLS...which, honestly, I never thought would happen. And it's not that I didn't love hanging out here reading and responding...but, now, I've found that there is so much more life to explore both inside, and outside, my four walls that it's hard to want to spend time online. So, hopefully, I can keep up every couple of months. Well, these days it seems I can eat just about a truckload of anything! Okay, maybe not a truck load. And honestly, I haven't really taken the time to measure what I'm eating these days. I'm guessing that most of my meals are still between 1-11/2 cups...although, I don't always eat that much. I seem to be eating about 5-6 times a day...depending on the day. Over the past few months, I have also been pushing my dumping limits and have gotten to the point where I can eat a fair amount of carbs/sugar. I'm not sure if this is good or bad. It's nice to not have to bring my own meal if we are going to have dinner at a friends and they are serving something like pasta or rice. On the other hand, it is hard to turn down a late night snack of popcorn, crackers, or chips. The other thing that I've noticed is that my dumping seems to have different variables. It is always worse if I put carbs into an empty stomach. Like about a month ago, I ate my first doughnut. It was a glazed old-fashioned and I ate about 3/4 of it on the way to a meeting at church. I was surprised that I didn't out right pass out. I could hardly peel myself off of the floor. Then, I started to feel like I was going to throw up. And then, to top it all off I started having very painful gas/intestinal pain. Yet, I ate a whole Hershey bar the other day and was fine. So, who knows! But, I'm also wondering if it isn't worse at certain times of the month. And sometimes if I don't have my typical hypoglycemic symptoms, doesn't mean that I won't have severe intestinal distress...or nothing at all. It is definitely better than it was...just a bit unpredictable. Let's see, what else. Well, I fell off of the exercise wagon...and hard! It must be at least 6 weeks since I've done a thing and I don't see any real motivation in sight. I'm still pretty faithful to my protein supplements. Maybe even addicted to protein bars. I have to limit myself to just one a day! Weight wise, I'm not sure what the deal is. About a week ago I was up to 143...and getting a little nervous (I usually fluctuate between 139-142). I know it's not uncommon to gain back up to 10% of your weight...but, I was thinking that I should get back in gear and try to get back down under 135 if I could. Well, since then, I'm not really sure what happened. Life has been busy and I guess I'm just not eating quite as often...and since last week, I've dropped back down 6 pounds to 137...and I wasn't even trying! If that wasn't easy, I don't know what is. So, the question now is: Will my body keep going from here...or, will I really have to crack down and exercise to get under this weight? And is it even worth it? Ideally, I would still like to get down to maintaining between 127-130, so, another 10 pounds, but, I also don't want to have to obsess over everything I put in my mouth...so, I won't be holding my breath. Size wise, I still see myself as fat. I guess, I will always think I need to lose weight. I do think it is getting better though. The last person that I 'compared' myself to was only a size 10/12...so, it's getting there. My sister in law is about a size 6/8 and I still see myself as huge next to her...even though she just laughs at me like I must be crazy. Some how even though I see the tags in my pants...my brain just doesn't see skinny in the mirror! Oh well, maybe some day. And now that swim suit season is upon us...I can honestly say, that with all of my sagging skin (and what I call thunder thighs), I am dreading finding, and wearing, a swim suit every bit as much as when I was 274 pounds. I know I have so much to be thankful for, and I am...I just wish they would come up with the brain surgery to go with all of this! Well, until next time...happy losing to all!
4/5/04 - 14 MONTHS - Wow, it feels like it's been forever since I've updated. As you can see I am up into the 140's again. I keep going round and round between 137 and 142. I also keep resolving to get back down under 135 but, never seem to quite make it under 136 for any longer than a day. In some ways it has been nice to put these few pounds back on because I can pretty much eat anything I want (within my dumping limits) and not gain weight above that...for now anyway. On the other hand though, about half of my pants are tight enough that I avoid wearing them. So, the dilemma continues. I still struggle with thinking I'm fat but seem to be coming a little closer to reality. My hubby and I were watching Fear Factor last week and I kept wondering which of the six girls' figures I was closest to...and they were all brave enough to wear bikini's on national television! So, I must not think I'm all that fat! I didn't have enough nerve to ask my hubby what he thought though. I have been weight training 5 days a week now for the past 8 weeks. I am finally starting to see some nice definition in my arms and back which has been really fun. My goal is to slowly work up to being able to bench press my weight...so, hopefully I won't gain back too much! I'm a bit discouraged though, because I seem to be stuck at 70 pounds. I think this is the start of my 4th week at that weight. I know I need to shake things up a bit...I'm just not sure how. I know that plateaus happen in weight training...I'm just not sure I'm liking it anymore than a plateau in weight loss. I also went bra shopping at Victoria's Secret again. It was depressing. See, I knew that some of the bras I had bought last time were getting a bit on the big side. You know your bra is too big when....it puckers slightly when you wear something tight over it and you feel your boobies jiggle inside it when the car hits bumps in the road! Anyway, I started trying on bras and discovered that in the past few months I have shrank from a 34DD to a 34C! I wanted to cry. I kept telling my hubby that I was feeling like my hips and thighs were getting bigger now that I was weight training...and now I know why...I don't have so much up top to balance them out! I don't think I've been this small since I was in junior high...and maybe not even then. Talk about depressing! Why couldn't it work that way with my thighs instead? I'm also still on my Protonix...kind of. I haven't taken it in over a week now and haven't had any pain...which is amazing since I was down to ever third day there for a while. But, I have had heart burn more often these days. I know I need to get in to my primary...that would mean I would actually have to pick up the phone and call though! Well, I think that's about all for this month! Happy Spring!
3/2/04 - 13 MONTHS - I forgot to update on Friday...better late than never though! As you can see, I'm not really losing weight anymore. I think I'm beyond being upset and frustrated with the whole thing. I have finally resigned myself to the fact that I just may never lose any more weight. I did start exercising this last month though. For the first two weeks I was walking on my treadmill for 40 minutes and then doing weights for 30 minutes but, it just got to be too much and I was feeling like I was going to pass out all of the time. So, for week 3 and 4, I just did weights. I am alternating upper and lower body Monday through Friday and then taking the weekends off. So far, it has been good. I can feel (and see) myself getting stronger. I've also been playing around with taking, or should I say NOT taking, my Protonix. The longest I've gone so far has been 11 days. Then, I had to back track and take it after only like 4 days again. I don't know what's up with that! I just get so frustrated because I am SOOOOO hungry for 3-4 days after taking it. So, I have to choose between pain, or my stomach trying to eat me from the inside out! I was hoping that maybe I could stretch from 11 days to 14-15 days, but no such luck. I figure if I can't go off of it by the time the prescription runs out, I'll go back in and bug my doctor. I've also been contemplating looking in to 'reconstructive surgery'. I know I would feel so much better about myself if I could get rid of my flabby stomach and get my breasts off of the floor...I'm just not sure where to turn. I did ask my doctor and nurse about it and they both said that it is hard to get covered and that they don't like to give out any referrals until your weight has stabilized. Well, I think I'm finally stabilized! My eating has been terrible lately. I no longer count calories or carbs. I just get in a protein drink or two (or bar) and eat what ever I feel like. Which is kind of nice, in all reality. Of course, I still dump so that keeps me pretty accountable - whether I want to be or not. I'm still thinking I should crack back down and see if I can shed a few more pounds. I even printed off the plateau buster from digitialhorsewoman as a reminder that anything is possible. But, like I said before, I'm starting to think it would be okay to stay where I'm at. Hopefully, my mind will continue to catch up and in the end I will find out how truly blessed I am to have made it this far!
1/31/03 1/31/04 TOTALHEIGHT 5’7” 5’7-1/4” + 1/4”
WEIGHT 274 137 - 137 pounds
BODY FAT 49% 22% - 27%
ARMS 17”-17.5” 10”-10.5” - 7”
CHEST 41”/51” 30”/36” - 11”/15”
WAIST 43” 27” - 16”
ABS 58” 33” - 25”
HIPS 54” 35.5” - 18.5”
THIGHS 32”-33” 20”-21” - 11”-12”
CALVES 18” 13.5” - 4.5”
SIZE 22/24 4/6
1/31/04 - WEEKS 51 & 52 - Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me-eeeee, happy birthday to me…in more ways than one! Well, technically, it isn't my WLS birthday until tomorrow and my actual birthday until the day after...but, close enough. It's hard to believe that it's already been a year. In some ways it seems like it was just yesterday that I was starting off on this WLS journey. Yet, the time has just flown by, and part of me is sad to be moving from the weight loss phase of this journey into maintenance. Over this past year I’ve lost exactly ½ of myself…yet, gained so much along the way. One year ago I could hardly bend over to tie my shoes, let alone run in those very shoes. I couldn’t sit on the floor and play games with my kids without my back hurting…heck - I could hardly get myself back up off of the floor! I couldn’t fit the seatbelt in our van around me with my jacket on. I loved shopping yet, hated spending money on cheap elastic waist clothing. And, I loved the instant gratification of ice cream more than just about anything. But, now all of those things just seem like distant memories. My life has changed; I have changed, in so many ways over this past year that it’s almost hard to put into words. I’ve gone from junk food junkie, to health food nut. I’ve gone from thinking I’m not worth spending $15 on a pair of cheap Wal-Mart pants, to trying to figure out where I’m going to put the 25 pair of pants I’ve just bought! I’ve gone from thinking that mowing the lawn was exercise and raking the leaves and shoveling snow were torture, to trying to beat my husband to the shoveling before he can get around to using the snow blower…just because I can! My outlook on life is just so different. Not that I wasn’t happy before I lost all of the weight…it’s just that I didn’t realize how often I hid behind the excuse of my weight. I would make excuses as to why I didn’t want to, or couldn’t, do things…and most of them had to do with my weight more than anything else. Now, I just feel…well…free. Free to do the things I always wanted to do. Free to try new things. Free to live my life - free of the self-consciousness that comes from being overweight. Now, on the flip side of things, I must say that, to me, these last few months have been the hardest part of the journey. Part of me is sad to have had the weight loss come to a screeching halt. I knew that it would come to an end sooner or later but, somehow, I’m just having a hard time accepting the reality of it. And even though I’m free of the weight, I am still bound by the fear of regaining the weight, which in all reality, is probably a good thing. Now it’s almost scary to have to seriously take a look at where I’m at now and start setting some goals for the coming year, wondering if I’ll be able to keep on track. I can now eat about 1 cup of food at a time and eat 3-4 ‘meals’ a day…and have been really bad about keeping the carbs to a minimum. I’m guessing my calorie intake is around 1200 calories a day these days. I still drink 100+ ounces of clear, caffeine free, liquid a day though! My exercise, on the other hand, is practically non-existent. Sad, I know. As far as this next year goes, I think if there is any one thing I would like to work on, it would be getting back into a regular exercise routine…which, is easier said than done! I would also like to keep up with my liquid intake. Then, there is still that last 10-13 pounds that I‘d like to work on losing - but I’m not holding my breath on that one! I guess my focus now will just be on maintaining where I’m at…so I don’t outgrow those 25 pair of pants! All in all, it has been a good year and given the chance I would do it all over again!
1/16/04 - WEEK 50 – Just when I had resigned myself to thinking that I just may never lose any more weight...poof...there it goes! Actually, I think I haven't been losing because I have been eating too much. I know I've heard people say that the less you weigh, the less you will need to eat to maintain. Well, since my ulcer, I had upped the carbs some and had noticed that I could eat a lot more. So, I'm thinking that between the two I had found my maintenance point. Anyway, this week our church had a voluntary day of prayer and fasting for an upcoming event we are having, and I thought I might as well give it a try. So, to make a long story even longer, I woke up the next morning and had lost 2 pounds. The next day I decided that not eating for a day really wasn't too bad...but maybe a bit extreme. So, yesterday, I cut back my food intake to about 1/2 of what it had been and lo and behold...I lose another pound. The funny thing is that I didn't even really miss the extra food. I just figured that even though I was hungry many times a day, that didn't necessarily mean I needed to eat every one of those times! In the end, it just meant not running to the kitchen every time my stomach growled but waiting until I was really starving to eat. So, I think I'm going to stick with this for another week, or so, and see how it goes. My other discovery for the week was pilates. On Tuesday night I went to the intermediate class I had signed up for and the instructor looked at me and the girl next to me (who had also never taken any sort of pilates) like we were crazy or something! Well, it turns out that it was a perfect match. I was able to do all but one thing...the 12th push up! There were ladies in there that had taken pilates before that couldn't do half of the things! I was so excited. I could hardly believe the things I was able to do...easily even. And how cool is that to realize that you now have more muscle strength and control that the average person! I was quite pleased with myself. Of course, I paid for it the next day! Apparently, pilates works muscles that you just can't get to with a weight machine! Of course, some of my soreness may have also been caused by the time I spent playing with the new balance ball I bought last week. Of course, I didn't get it blown up (or play with it) until a few hours before my class. So, I'll have to do them separately and see what the deal is. I also went shopping at the thrift store again. Didn't find too much this time...enough to get me by for a while, I guess. It's been hard to not want to buy every pair of pants I see these days but, I just can't justify spending the money until I know that my weight has stabilized. Part of me wishes it would hurry up and get here...the other part of me wants to keep losing a bit more. I know I have now passed my "goal" by one pound...but, part of me would like to still see 130 (which is feeling more realistic today than it was last week)...or even the 120's. So, for now, I figure I might as well keep going, knowing that it could come to and end any time now. I did ask my surgeon about it when I was in a few weeks ago and he said that they don't really 'worry' too much unless you go below a BMI of 19...so, I figure that unless I start to go below that (which would put me at 121 pounds) I won't back off too much. I do also want to keep in mind what he said about the possibility of gaining back up to 10% of the weight I've lost...how scary is that? Even if I did get down to 124 (-150 pounds)...I could still theoretically bounce back up to 138...which, I could live with. But, stopping now and gaining back to 147...no thanks! Like with so many other things in this journey...I guess only time will tell....but, at least that doesn't mean I just have to sit and watch it go by!
1/9/04 - WEEK 49 - Okay, it seems there is a common theme these last three weeks. I just can't seem to get past 137! I know I should be happy to be here...and I am....I'm just not quite ready to have the scale stop moving yet. AHHHHHH! I went back to the doctor this week...and I guess, for now, I'm going to stay on the Protonix until the end of the month, then try to go off it again and see how it goes. Hopefully, I can get back off of it all together. What else....well, I think I've cleaned out anything of interest to me in at least 3 of the Victoria's secret stores this week! They are having their semi-annual clearance sale, so I'm stocking up. I can't begin to tell you how nice it is to wear underwear that aren't like 5 sizes too big - and that actually match my bras. How cool is that!?! Now, I think I need to work on the pants a bit. Even though I have only lost 6 pounds in the last 7 weeks (wow, I hadn't realized that until just now when I looked at my chart...how depressing does that sound...anyway) I have still been losing inches and most of my size 8/10 pants now qualify as hip huggers and some can even be pulled off without unbuttoning them. So, I think I am going to take a trip to the thrift store again this week and see if I can re-stock my pant selection. Part of me is hesitant though, thinking I can still lose that last 7-10 pounds which, would probably cause me to drop one more size...but, I also want to be realistic here...and not have to walk around and hike up my pants all day! I am also going to sign up for an advanced pilates class that is starting this next week. They had a beginner class, but the advanced class coincided with my kids swimming lessons...so, wish me luck...I think I'm going to need it! I'm also still toying with the idea of taking up running. I think I'm just hung up on the mental aspect of it. I mean, it just sounds so hard...and painful, did I mention painful? Yet, I know I would probably be just fine if I would just get my butt out there and do it. Of course, that would mean I would have to find some sort of motivation...and I just don't have any these days. I've struggled with seasonal depression in the past, and it's not letting me off easy this year. I have so much to be thankful for...I just can't get the fog out of my brain long enough to see it most days about now! Is it spring yet? My hubby bought me some tanning sessions for Christmas...so I'm hoping that between the sun nap and the additional exercise maybe I can drag myself out of my slump...and being tanner and thinner never hurt anything either!
1/2/04 - WEEKS 47 & 48 - Here we go again. It seems that I've gotten to the 'merry go round' phase of my journey! I was down 1 pound last week...then back up three this week until today when I dropped right back to where I started! I try not to let it get to me too much...but, it's still frustrating! Of course, I'm sure it didn't help that over the week of Christmas I hardly even looked at a protein source, let alone ate one! But, this week I've gone back to the basics: protein, water, and exercise. I'm not sure I think it's helping in a hurry...but, I figure it can't hurt to try. I still think I would like to get down to 130. I'm starting to think that might be a bit unrealistic...but, I guess that's why they call it a goal! Okay, enough complaining. On the up side, I did some shopping right before Christmas and bought myself a skirt and a pair of pants...both size 4! I honestly didn't think they were going to fit and was kind of amazed when the skirt did...being that it looked so small. I also was finally brave enough to wear a 'form fitting' outfit for Christmas. I found these pants that are stretchy. The funny thing is that when I take them off, they look like they belong to my kids. Anyway, I wore them and this V neck silk sweater and had friends and family just staring at me...it was kind of fun and freaky at the same time. One female cousin even said, "Don't mind me, I'm just going to stare at you all night and try to figure out who you are"! So that has been sort of fun. I've also decided it's time to have a 'tent sale'. Well, not literally a sale...but, it's time to get rid of the tents! See, I've still been wearing the same old underwear since I was pre-op thinking that I would wait until I was done losing weight to buy more. Well, recently I've discovered that that just isn't going to happen. So, lets play a little guessing game....You know your underwear are too big when: A) They just about fall off unless you hold them up. B) You can't wear them without rolling them down into your pants, then they still stick out the top a few hours later. C) When you pull them up they can be tucked in under your bra. D) All of the above! So, then I hold up one of those suckers and think, "Wow, those would make great parachutes for my kids dolls"! Or, just add frame work and you have an instant Barbie tent with skylights! It was almost frightening! Seriously though, that is one thing that I do think would be kind of fun to burn. Then, my hubby, being the generous man he is, thought he would help me out with restocking my underwear drawer. So, for Christmas, what do I get but a black thong from Victoria's Secret that is held together in the back with a sting of multi-colored rhinestones! I'm not sure who he was really helping there! Isn't that a little extreme in the opposite direction? I have to admit, I was surprised. He also bought me something more 'covering'...a robe. I think between the two of us we will have bought out half of the store by the end of this year! At least I won't have to be 'tenting it' any more!
12/19/03 WEEK 46 - MERRY CHRISTMAS - This has been a really good week....finally! As you can see my biggest, and best, news is that I've now officially lost myself! When I started this whole process I thought that it would be amazing to get this far...but never really thought I would make it. It's just so hard to wrap my mind around losing a whole person. Like, where did I go? Anyway, I am quite excited to be where I am at. BUT, (you know there is always a 'but') on the other hand, I am also struggling with this amazing weight loss not being 'enough'. Back at week 38, I was thinking that I wanted to have my goal weight be 135 but, (there's that darn 'but' again) now that I'm at 137 I'm kind of thinking that maybe 130 would be nice. It's kind of like no matter how much I lose, I still think I'm FAT and that if I lost another 10 pounds maybe it would make all the difference in the world. I know it sounds silly...and in all reality is....I just can't seem to see myself as truly 'thin'...or good enough to want to stop losing more weight. Like this week at church I was talking with a woman who said to me, "You are so tiny!" I looked at her and said that I just wished that I had a cute little figure like she did...and she almost laughed. Come to find out that she is bigger than me! Sometimes, I think there must be something wrong with me...and other times I think people are just trying to be nice to me. Anyway, now that I'm so close to my goal, I think I'm going to push it down another five pounds to 130 and see how that works for me. I am also happy to report that I had my follow up EGD this week and the doctor said that everything looked 100% normal - and that she couldn't even tell where the ulcers had been! That is so what I've been hoping and praying for. It is so nice to finally be done with all of this. Now, onto the boring stuff. I realized, after my last update, that I haven't really said much about protein, food, water, or exercise lately....mostly because I have been so focused on how icky I've felt. Anyway, since having my ulcer (and running out of my chocolate protein powder) I have only been drinking one protein drink a day. I keep telling myself that I should get back to 2...but it's just so hard to want to drink those Nectar drinks when your already freezing your butt off. I keep meaning to try the apple warmed up with some cinnamon...but, it kind of sounds gross so, I never actually do it. As far as water goes...I've been really bad at that for the last month. I don't think I ever get in more than 30-40 ounces these days. I keep trying to push myself but, by the end of the day I don't seem to have made much progress. Now food on the other hand...I seem to be making plenty of progress there! It seems like since being sick a few weeks ago, that I can eat like a horse! Before my ulcer, I was comfortable at about 1/3 cup and stuffed at 1/2 cup. Now, all of the sudden, it seems like I can eat more like 1/2 to 3/4 of a cup at a time! It's almost scary. Then, there is the whole issue of food choices. Can you say, "Carb addict"! I don't know what it is lately but, I seem to just be craving carbohydrates....popcorn, chips, bread, and especially crackers. I even ate 1/2 of a ginger snap last Sunday! It's like all of the sudden after almost 11 months I've developed a sever case of head hunger! I keep telling myself the same old, "I'll start over tomorrow" line...but, I never seem to make it to that tomorrow. The odd thing is that in spite of all of the carbs I have eaten this week, I still lost weight! How confusing is that? I think I've finally decided to give up on the ‘tomorrow’ thing until after the first of the year. I'm just afraid that my 'window' is closing and that if I wait too long I may never lose those last 5-10 pounds. Of course, exercise, if I ever get around to it again, would help too. Right now, I'm just glad it keeps snowing...at least I get a good work out in once a week shoveling the driveway! Have a blessed Christmas...and don't eat too many cookies! N.D. - tell Mari that we tried to come back to see her the other night but, she was gone by the time we checked out - and that we're sorry we missed her.
12/12/03 - WEEK 45 - P L A T E A U - I think, I'd thought I'd been on plate
