fear_of_grace

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Or as my husband says, you aren't going to lose 18 pounds every week.  haha Only a .4lb loss today. 

I have been working so hard and I'm proud to say that I am consistantly getting all my liquids in everyday.  We live in a 2 floor home so I have water bottles upstairs and downstairs just in case I forget or I'm only there for a sec.  My new motto is "Always be sippin' ".  I even took a bottle into Target with me the other night.  
I can not wait to be done with these clear liquid protein drinks.  I can do vanilla/chocolate, esp if I can put some decaf coffee in there for taste, but all these nasty fruit flavors mixed with water are not doing it for me.  Plus I am getting a really bad case of "protein tongue" from them.  I can even feel protein hanging from my uvula (there's your word of the day).  It's a gross feeling, but I am not stopping drinking them, because I can get through this! 
I also slept part of the night on my side and my 2 year old has been sitting on my lap so it's been fun feeling like things are getting back to normal finally. 
(Although I swear my husband eats toast all the time now!)

 Even though I'm not hungry and can't imagine eating it, when my husband toasts bread it smells sooooooooooo good!

 Yes!!
Even with PCOS and my sluggish metabolism, VSG is working!!!!

My husband last night mentioned how it doesn't seem like I'm hungry anymore, he still can't believe I've been on liquids only for 10 days now.  I've never been able to diet before without being cranky all the time, so he is really enjoying a happy shrinking me :)

Also, a new snack for the clear liquid people!

Mix up SF jello and a popsicle in a bowl!  I microwaved the popsicle for 10 seconds and used a fork to scrape it off the stick and smash it in with the jello some.  Taste like fruit cocktail to me and it''s fun to use a spoon! 

I DRANK 64OZ TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Also, I did end up taking a pain pill just now.  My back is killing me, I guessI normally have poor posture and all my belly rolls squish together, but I have been sitting like a backwards C trying to keep everything as "flat" as possible so nothing pulls on the incisions.  
Oh, here's the magic combination for my 64 oz
20 oz -----Isopure RTD
20 oz-----Water
 8 oz------Tea
14 oz-----Broth
 4 oz-----SF Jello

 I am trying my best but I am not hitting my 64 oz daily goal yet.  I feel like I'm sip sip sipping all the time, but clearly I need to do it more often.  
I am close today. IF i finish the 4 oz in front of me, then drink 8 oz of tea and a popsicle/jello I will be there!  

Other than my liquids I've actually had a lot of victories today :)
1) I have drank some protein today!!!  I have been trying to do various nectar flavors and unflavored in broth, but I drink those SUPER slow (because they are so gross tasting to me1) Pre-op they were ok, but they are hard to stomach now.  Hubbin went out and found some bottles of the Isopure RTD and it's drinkable!!!!  I even drank a full 20 oz bottle today over the day.  I do recommend alternating sips with water since it's so strong tasting, but it's protein and I drank it!!!!!!!!

2) I haven't taken any pain meds since bedtime last night! I'm one step closer to being an independent woman! Things are still sore don't get me wrong. I'm certainly not doing any crunches over here, but it's all manageable so far.  Perhaps he day is coming soon when I can sleep on my side again! 

3) I have had a loss every day this week on the scale!  As in 2-4 pounds per day.  I know this is temporary, but wow!!!!  So far I have lost 17 pounds since surgery and it will be one week tomorrow!  My Personal goal for month 1 is to lose 26 pounds so I hope even with the dreaded "3 week stall" I should still be able to lose 9 more pounds before Nov 8th.  

4) I still haven't vomited!! haha I know that's a silly one, but I have been really dreading that feeling esp with all these new incisions so I am taking it slow and easy.  

 I know my sugery was less than a week ago, but I am over this soreness in my abdomen and general weakness. I absolutey don't regret the surgery and I know this is all part of the package, I'm just ready to move out of this phase.  
Yesterday I went on a big adventure and we went to Target and Kroger.  I was nervous about all the walking, so I took 2 of my pain pills (a full dose, rather than the half I take normally) and I was quite the zombie by the timewe were done with the first store. My family took ful advantage and we came home with all kinds of foods that I didn't remember putting in the basket! :)
However, I made it through the store just fine, albeit a bit slowly. The only downside was having to wear "real" clothes since I was in public. I realized that when I went to put my bra on, that the underwire would sit on an incision and my blue jeans wouldn't even button since my stomach is still swollen and bhudda looking from surgery. It all worked out though and I'm proud of myself for trying to get back to a normal routine. 
I am having a hard time getting all my liquids in, I feel so full so quickly and It's amazing how I simply can't take more than a few sips at a time without feeling like the water level is in the back of my throat.  I did better yesterday, I think I was in the mid 40s for ounces and I was able to drink one protein shake. One thing that did throw me off track was having to take Milk of Magnesia, since it had been almost a week with activity.  I took a dose before my "dinner" protein and it made me feel so sick I wasn't able to sip anything else for the rest of the night. I was afraid to lay down in bed everything felt so bad. I'm writing this at 5am, due to the Milk of Magnesia effects and the fact tthat my back is killing me.  I can't wait to be a side sleeper again.  
I'm going to try to make a schedule for my liquids and see how that works. 
8:00-----8 oz Lemon ginger tea
9:30-----8oz nectar shake
11:00---8oz water
1:30-----8 oz protein broth
2:30-----4 oz jello
3:30-----8 oz water
5:00-----8 oz Lemon ginger tea
6:30-----8 oz protein broth
8:00-----4 oz popsicle

So that will be my goal for tomorrow, it's ambitious since i've only been able to get in one protein shake a day so far and never a full 64 oz, but that schedule makes it look attainable at least. I will check in tomorrow evening and report back. 

 I had a pretty good hospital experience, lots of reassuring nurses along the way. I was a nervous wreck by the time I was in pre-op, but luckily I don't remember much until after the surgery! I had a private room, a handy dandy pain button that I could push every 10 minutes and some very sweet nurses. My husband wasn't able to stay with me, but he did come visit every evening with the baby.  I was pretty out of it the whole time in the hospital, I kept falling asleep sitting up or even mid conversation! My nurse did have me up and doing laps 4 hours after surgery and it felt good to be moving around, even if I was dragging an IV pole and catheter with me, haha.  I had my catheter out about 24 hours after surgery and had a shower. That made me feel a lot better! I had surgery on Monday morning and went home Wednesday morning. i could have spent another night there, but I was ready to go home. 
I never had any gas pains so I guess I'm lucky there! I did have the gas-x strips and let one dissolve on tongue once a day just in case. 
Drinking liquids is tough! I take the tinest of sips and my whole midsection gurgles and protests.  I think it's getting a little better, I was able to eat an entire cup of SF jello this morning, only took me 2 hours!
I still haven't done any protein or vitamins yet, but my surgeon told me to focus on fluids first, then worry about protein and then vitamins. 

My abdomen still feels tight and sore, I have a hard time moving from laying down to a sitting position and vice versa.  Poor hubbin had to pull me out of bed 3 times last night so I could go pee! Now sitting to standing I can do on my own so that's not so bad. I wasn't expecting to feel this weak and I'm hoping it passes quickly. Also taking deep breaths hurts, but I'm doing those a lot with my spiromemter so I'm thinking they won't hurt much longer.  One funny thing is the arm that I had my IV line in hurts more than my abdomen now! I think they may have hit a tendon or a nerve, so I've been putting a heating pad on it to make it feel better.  
I've heard that days 3-5 after surgery hurt the worst so I'm looking forward to day 6, fingers crossed! 
Oh, and I've lost 6 pounds since surgery already! 

 I was so impressed with myself so far. I was honestly not nervous about my upcoming surgery, just purely excited about the exciting change in my life. 
HA! I took a nap yesterday afternoon and woke up with a upset stomach. I mentioned to the hubbin and he suggested it might be my nerves. No way, I reassured him. I'm not nervous at all.  He said it was my subconcious ay work ;) 
Regardless, the nerves have hit and hard! 
I'm not scared, I just don't deal well with change and I keep having thoughts like "This is my last solid food until the middle of November" or "This is my last cup of coffee for a few months"
I start my 2 day clear liquid diet tomorrow morning. 3 shakes a day, broth, SF jello, crystal light and water.  So I just have to make it through Sat and Sun, then Monday is my big day! 

On a side note, my husband is the only one aware I'm having surgery. No one else knows. Not family members or friends. It's something I just consider to be private information, but it will make the month I'm on liquids difficult logistically.  For example, my mom invited me out to lunch with her tomorrow. . . 

 SO many mixed emotions for me right now.  I can see that I'm trying to lose myself in the small details rather than think about the actual surgery. So much easier to worry about reading protein reviews, ordering vitamins, planning meals for my family while I'm gone, working on redecorating the bedroom. Well, we do what have to in order to survive, right? 
Everytime I a small doubt or worry about something that I won't be able to have afterwards, like a grilled cheese on sourdough, plate of pasta with alfredo sauce or even a few drinks on the weekends with friends, I remind myself that that's the price. And I am MORE than willing to sacrifice these things in order to be healthy and not have to carry all this extra weight around with me.
I start a clear liquid diet Sat, luckily my surgeon only requires a 2 day clear liquid diet pre-op. Starting yesterday I'm having a protein shake for breakfast and lunch and then a regular dinner. I'm also trying to get my liquids in as well. 
Yesterday was a typical day of "dieting" for me and really showed me that I need this surgery, that doing this on my own isn't going to happen. I had my shakes and was such a good girl all day, right until 6 pm. Then I started fixing dinner for everyone and all hell broke lose. Instead of the healthy meal I planned on eating, I found !fried chicken! leftovers in the fridge and made myself a sandwich (sourdough, of course), I later followed that with some milk and fudge while watching tv. I'm not proud, but I want to be honest about my journey and that means the good along with the bad. 
Today is going well so far, 2 shakes down and a little water, need to go drink some more!