Another Year

Jun 17, 2009

Well, here we are again...another year older, a little bit wiser and still struggling to be "well".  I've mostly reached my goals; my number one wish was to be healthier, and most of my co-morbidities are history.  No sleep apnea, diabetes, high blood pressure or GERD.  I'm able to exercise (sort of, keep reading), going to Curves 3 -4 times a week, and a new bike is just around the corner.  Working, but still on disability.

However, the abdominal wall pain I was experiencing last year is still with me, and things are getting worse.  For most of the last year, things were pretty stable.  When it hurt, I wore the abdominal binder, didn't bend over, and cut back on some activities.  It went away for long stretches of time, and in general, was tolerable. When I saw my surgeon at that time, nothing had shown up on any of the tests, and the general drift of things was'we can take a look, may not find anything, may leave you with same/more pain, may need to cut your (hernia-the place this all started) mesh, resect bowel, and risk death.  Same old same old. Decided not to do it.  Sensible decision.

Flash forward...a mont, six weeks ago, the pain came back, with a vengence.  Hanging around for days at a time, stronger. Very annoying but not so much I couldnt handle it.  Then..this pesky bloating after meals. Simethicone took care of it, so I fingured--"wrong foods, eating too fast". Modifiying the diet seemed to help, as these episondes were sporadic.  New insurance, waiting for a new PCP, so I just hung in there. Maybe the episodes were a little more intense.
Okay the yellow flag was up, but I was actively encouraging denial, or at least resistance.  None of this seemed something I needed to address imediately.

Last week, I had a sudden nausea, followed by the worst bloating I'd ever felt.  Double over, couldn't walk boating.  Maybe I should call 911...but i choked dwon the little green pill and 5 minutes later I was fine,  Sore, but fine.

OKAY. I get it.

Saw my new PCP today (insurance made this the first step). Long story (I have problems with the short ones you can tell), I  am on my way back to my surgeon.  Need the whole workup because the consensus there (I saw 2 doctors in the office) was probably a partial bowel obstruction, which is what I was thinking, but not saying out loud.

Damn.

So at this point I have turned off my head (the source of panic, and resistance.  I dont feel lucky any more.  I know this is a potential disaster in the making.  I know its probably inevitable.  (At least my Dad-my poor old in his 80's Dad who doesnt need this any more than I do, will be around for support.  When I had my shoulder fixed -wait-just last year! --he stayed 3 months. He didnt actually need to stay that long, but he wanted to and it was wonderful because we had a chance to rebuild our relationship in a way i never felt was possible) There's a few people in my life who will be at least phone support...might even drop by occasionally.

And I figure it's time to stop by here, even though I;m primarily a lurker, and honestly the drama episodes drove me away and I doubt that has changed-its human nature,  I'm going to ignore it as usual and I think its best if I stop lurking-and READING those posts.

So thats my update.  More--I'm sure--will follow.

 

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