Digesting

Aug 29, 2010

I am digesting alot right now. Physically I ate way too much mashed pototoes from KFC, my flipping vice is those fake ass mashed taters.  It's the only thing I get there but a large mashed...okay, okay, 2 larged mashed and I am still burping that starchy goodness 6 hours later. I am sure I have GERD. It burns so good. Oh the things we do to our bodies. Can I say how pleased I will be post op (whenever the hell that is) that I can still eat this creamy goodnes.. Okay maybe a bite but still a large will last me a week! Ha! Sticking to the colonel.

Mentally I am digesting all the surgery options, risk/benefits, financing, location  ect....blah blah blah. I can't sleep. I am not losing sleep over this per se , this is a concious deprivation of the REM. Talking with a friend today they ask a question that I about slapped my forehead with, twice! "How are you going to pay for it?"  Woah, woah, woah , you mean I have to pay for this? Wow. I can't even begin to say what an ass I felt like. All this worrying about what type of surgery and the who, what , when , where , why ......the 'how' surprisingly took the back door.

I stressed. I pondered. I know I did not want to borrow from anyone. One I am too damn stubborn and two I do not like to make my problems someone elses. I do not look down on someone whom has had financial assistance from friend/family in any way and I wish my personality could allow it but for me that was not an option I wanted to persue. I also know myself well enough that I would have asked a few select family members and knowing myself If they said "no" I would be bitter, I would hold a bit of resentment. Maybe it is not the most mature thing to think but I know how my clock ticks.

So what are my options with limited savings as I am more of a spender. Well I'm gonna get my debt on....again. Rounding up credit cards with some balance available on them and just opening a new one will enable me to cover my part of the copays. I am so pleased. I hate having debt though and it stresses me to have it or think about it but I have to keep in the forefront of my mind this is for me, this is for me, and I will be around alot longer to pay it off and well...rack em back up again! Weeeee!

Maybe I am jumping the gun as I am still awaiting to hear back from my potential surgeons office and the dreaded await for my approval. Yet I did not want to get in the predicament of not having any financial means but having the go ahead for surgery. So I hope I get approved and get to travel down the road of weight loss in the mean time I wait....and resist the urge to spend that available credit.

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