without the food and fat to cover the real issues...

Aug 14, 2009

 I've finally figured it out... I was using food and weight to cover up the real issues that were bugging me. (what? it took me this long to realize it?!?). I almost feel like I have been in denial of these feelings for such a long time. I was blocking the time I needed to spend working through my feelings about work, about life and about so many things. How did I block it? I focused on food - on taste - on flavors - on making myself large and *forgettable*. I was allowing myself to be more invisible to others by suffocating myself with an exterior that was not attractive and was easy to pass over.

No longer do I have that crutch. Now I must work through these emotions. I have to feel them through - see what the underlying truth is to these feelings and deal with the reality of them. It's quite freeing to make these realizations. 

My biggest eye-opener has been the realization that I was just "settling" in my job and it has been making me miserable. This has been a major obstacle for me and I just didn't realize it. I want more from my career - I always have, but I never had the confidence before to look this reality straight in the eye and focus on my talent, strengths and ability. With much clarity, I have been able to confront several of the issues that brought me to morbid obesity. 

I am glad that I had the courage to go through with surgery and truly change my life. Why didn't I do this sooner? I simply wasn't ready, or perhaps until December 22, 2008, the time was not right. The universe knew the right time for me and energetically delivered the momentum I needed at the right moment.

I am grateful. I am thankful. I am still learning - and this journey continues to amaze me each day.

0 Comments