heatherh

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I am struggling again.  I have gained 10.5 lbs in the last two weeks and I can't explain it.  I am going to the gym 3 - 4 times a week.  It's just so frustrating.  I think I'm going to start a food journal to see where I am going wrong.

Well, I had to get a new bathing suit because the chlorine had eaten the one I had and I was able to get one 2 sizes smaller.  I couldn't believe it.  I haven't lost much weight, but I guess I am losing some inches.  The suit is a little snug, but if I keep exercising, it won't be for long.  I tried to get one in the States yesterday, but I didn't have any luck.  I was having to go to sizes larger than the suit that I had and that didn't make me happy.  Go figure, I thought sizes in the States were bigger than here.  Oh well, I hope to get another when I get my tax refund.

Wasn't able to get weighed in this week as our meeting was cancelled due to freezing rain that we never got.  I really want to know how I am doing.  I know I am not the only one who is upset about not getting weighed.  I guess this means a bigger loss this week.lol

Well the scale at TOPS finally moved for me.  After gaining almost 5 lbs last week, I was down 7 lbs this week.  All the exercise I am doing is paying off.  I had an AHAA moment yesterday.  I had to get my driver's license renewed and realized this will be my last photo id pic where I am seriously overweight.  I told the lady at the MTO that I won't be looking like my photo before I need to renew it as I was having RNY.  She told me to come in and she could try to "trick" the system and change my address and get a new photo, if not it would only cost $10 for a new photo.  At worst, I renew in 2009 along with my health card.  June is not coming soon enough!  lol

I can't believe it's 5 months until my surgery.  Some days it seems so far away and others, it's right there.  I am frustrated with the scale right now.  I was only down 1.25 lbs over two weeks.  I am doing aquafit 4 times a week.  I don't understand.

I was at the Y today and I did Aquafit and swam some lengths.  After I had a consultation with a trainer to show me the equipment upstairs.  She is going to work out a toning program for me to follow because she didn't want me to start using the weights and then have to stop once I had surgery, just to restart again.  So I am starting off slowly and using the crosstrainer, treadmill and rowing machine.  I don't know how much I will do of the rowing machine, as my back seems to be going out a lot lately.  I will take it easy.

I saw Denise, the dietician (half an hour late, which made me late for the social worker). At the end of the appointment with her she told me about the classes I have to attend. I am doing things a little backwards. I am going to the diet class on the 13th of February and the education class on 18th of April. Usually it's the other way around, but she's at a conference in Feb. and holidays in March. I could have waited for the diet class until May, but I have the majority of my appointments in June and I want to get everything done and over with that I can before that.

So then I hoofed it to the other building and met with Connie, the social worker. She told me Jeannette and Susan were doing something else and that is why I met with her. She had someone else in the room, I have forgotten her name, and she was shadowing her as she is joining the program. I felt extremely comfortable with her and we came to the realization that I don't like change and that's when I have gained my weight, for the most part.

I am glad that the first part is now done and over with. I didn't sleep well Wednesday night because I was nervous, but I found out that I didn't need to be. While I was waiting for Denise, I spoke with a woman whose husband/boyfriend had bypass surgery in August '04 and she said it was the best decision he had made and had lost a lot of weight. He was in to see Denise for a follow-up. She wished me luck and put my mind at ease.

Well, that's all for now. I wish February would hurry up! Actually, make that June!

Wow.  Already halfway through the month.  It's going too fast.  Well, I missed aquafit on Friday, so yesterday morning and this morning, I went and swam laps at the pool.  I went first thing in the morning because I knew there wouldn't be a lot of people there.  I did 20 lengths both mornings and man, can I feel it.  Especially in my stomach.  Both days, I swam a couple of lengths on my back where I just used my arms and turned my hips from side to side, working my obliques.  I hope that I see some progress on the scale soon.

I was going through my profile and I realized that I haven't said much about myself.  I am 32 (33 next month) and I weigh 366.5 lbs.  When I started TOPS in 2003, I hadn't been weighed in a couple of years and didn't know what to expect.  Because I couldn't weigh on the group scale, we had to find somewhere for me to get weighed.  I ended up at a nursing home on the scale that residents in wheelchairs get weighed on.  My highest known weight is 377.5 lbs.  When I got on the scale and saw that weight, I cried, not at the number directly, but because I thought I was over 400 lbs.  I carry the majority of my weight in my stomach, which in terms of needing p.s. when I reach my goal, will be a good thing.  

My sister (who I live with) and I were talking this morning and we were amazed when we realized we have been living in Niagara Falls for almost 7 years now.  We never thought we'd still be here.  We moved here from Toronto to be closer to our parents, who retired 8 years ago to a retirement community in Stevensville.  Every once and a while we think of moving back to the city, and then we go in to my pcp and surgeon or go to visit friends and then deal with the traffic and we know why we moved in the first place.  That and everything is so expensive.  And finally for me, I am starting to feel that Niagara Falls is home.  I am starting to meet people outside of my TOPS group and becoming more active.  It'll be interesting to see what my life is like once I have the surgery and start losing more weight.  I can't wait to go back to work, buy regular sized clothes, not have to adjust the seat in the car, have a purse that actually stays on my shoulder.  I have set a goal for myself to go to an amusement park, like Cedar Point, in 2007.  I can't wait to go on roller coasters again.  I love them.  I saw some program on the discovery channel of the top ten roller coasters and I want to try them all!  lol.  I think I must have been a daredevil or thrill seeker in my former life because none of my family like roller coasters.  Anyways, that's enough of my rambling for now.  I will update after my appointments on Thursday.

So after adding the blasted counterweight to the scale at TOPS last week and going to the Y four times for aquafit and swimming lengths, I was only down one pound.  One measely pound!  I am so frustrated.  I am getting exercise and my food choices are getting better than they used to, I want to be losing more weight.  People are telling me I am building muscle.  Well, that's all fine and dandy, but I want to lose weight first!!!!  I am hoping to go swimming in the morning as I missed class this morning. then I'll have two weeks between weigh-ins, as I have my consults with the dietician and social worker next Thursday morning.  

I had a rough day today.  I got weighed in at TOPS and I did not like the scale.  Our scale only goes to 350 lbs., so finally over 2 and half years later, our chapter invested in counterweights, so I can now be weighed on our scale (I was having to bring my own, which from carrying it back and forth, is now over 20 lbs out).  At the beginning of the year our current weight as of the first weigh in of the year is our starting weight for the year and determines which division we are in.  Whatever weight you lose or gain from the last weigh in of the year and the first doesn't count towards anything, but you know how you did.  So we started using the counterweights today (we've had them for a couple of weeks, but couldn't quite figure them out, so we decided to wait until today)  In the meantime, I haven't known my exact weight for a couple of months.  To make a long story short, when I got on the scale this morning, I had gained 13 1/2 lbs from last week.  Granted I know I didn't weigh the weight that had been recorded, but it was still so hard to see.  I am back to within 10 lbs of where I started almost 3 years ago.  I am so frustrated.  I am doing aquafit 3 to 4 times a week and swimming lengths, so why am I gaining instead of losing?  I don't understand.

Wow, it's the new year!  Time to work on those blasted resolutions!  I only made a couple of them this year.  It will be interesting to see how well I do with them.  The first one is to lose weight before my surgery in June.  The second is to go to the Y minimum 3 times a week for aquafit and/or any other exercise.  I am taking the time right now to get myself prepared as best I can for the next five and a half months.  Myra has done an excellent job in sprucing up my profile.  I am really happy with it.  I am nervous about my appointments coming up this month.  I am not sure what to really expect.  I also wish that it wasn't so far to get to the appointments.  I know June will be even worse, as I see the internist, have my pre-op testing done and then see Dr. Starr before the surgery at the end of June.  Thank goodness for my parents who have been helping me get to these appointments.

It's hard to believe that it's almost the new year.  This means I am getting closer to having my surgery.  I still feel weird about it.  I am happy that I am having it, but sometimes I feel like I am sabotaging myself.  Like over Christmas I had a lot of crap.  I just couldn't stop eating.  I think I am just frustrated because I have been playing with the same 3 lbs for the last month.  I am working out at the Y, doing aquafit a minimum of 2 times a week.  Hoping to make it to 4 times.  Granted I do make some not so good decisions about what I eat, I would like to think that this exercise is doing something for me.  I even swam on Boxing Day at my parent's place (they live in a retirement community that has an indoor pool).  Next year is a new start and I know this will happen for me, I just want it now.