Susan S.
Thanksgiving
Nov 27, 2009
Seems like a good time to reflect on things. I have a great deal to be grateful for - in spite of being stunned and heartbroken at the moment. My health and weight are amazing. I am strong and fit and focused. I decided to train for a half-marathon this spring and having that goal pushed me hard this morning at the gym (I was down one pound in spite of Thanksgiving yesterday!). While my family is gone I am surrounded by loving friends and will get through the holidays intact I think. Yesterday was the second anniversary of my mother's death. It seems longer in some ways. I so miss the daily morning phone calls. Nobody cared as much about the events of my life as my mother. Her unconditional love was a cherished gift. I miss her.Matthew (Georgia Boy) is a constant positive friend in my life. I no longer think about a romantic future with him. The distance proved to be too much to overcome. I've had problems with an unbalanced young man from my gym - I've had to file a restraining order as he has threatened me. Matthew has been attentive and supportive and willing to calm me at night when my fear overtakes. I was so lucky to find him and am grateful that we remain friends.
My relationship with Sky is in flux - right now a very painful place. His plans to come east are on hold - combination of the economy and business issues...and a realization that he no longer wants to continue this business anyway. He announced all this last week to me and when I asked what it meant regarding us he became frustrated and has withdrawn as he needs time to think about his future. I am broken right now over it. His willingness to talk through any issue was something I valued so much (something my husband and I never managed to learn to do). Now he is unwilling to talk and I'm feeling quite lost. I know that I will eventually settle and accept this shift, but right now it is acute. I'm focusing on keeping myself healthy - trying to sleep (sleep has never returned to normal since my WLS), eating well (I'm not eating enough) and training hard (I'm rehabbing a torn shoulder ligament so can't do everything I used to do in the gym). I have control over very little in my life.....so I'm trying to let go of those things outside of my control.....and focus on those things I do have choice about.
At my worst moments I remember how far I've come. How different my life is now. That today I am healthy and have the tools to stay strong. I pray each day for focus...and guidance.....and peace with how things emerge.
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About Me
Roselle, NJ
Location
19.3
BMI
Surgery
02/06/2007
Surgery Date
Dec 11, 2006
Member Since