Helen O.

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I sent a couple of emails this evening.  One to my state rehab counselor asking about the timeline for approval for funding.  And one to my surgeon's nurse asking if there is anything I can do to prepare for surgery. 

The new fiscal year begins Tuesday, and I am hoping the approval process is smooth and quick.  Ideally I would like to be under the knife sometime in July so that I will have the whole month of August to heal before Fall semester begins on August 27th.  I have kept those two months free on my calendar for this purpose, and I am hoping things work out at least close to ideally.

If you are the vibing kind, please send some good vibes my way in hopes that this will all come to fruition soon.

I would appreciate it.

Helen

Psst-- I managed to lose a little more than 7 pounds this past month.  A drop in the bucket, I know.. but yay Slim Fast!

My consultation with Dr. Gibbs went very well, I think.  It was short, but the few questions I did have were answered to my satisfaction, and he seemed like an amiable guy.  A fellow patient of his told me that he was quiet and to the point, not overly friendly.  I  found that to be an accurate summation and was glad for it.  Sometimes people who are overly friendly seem phony.  He was genuine, and I have full confidence in him as my surgeon.

I spoke with him about my needle phobia, and he seemed wiling to help me work around it for the IV.  Maybe Ativan the night before to quell my anxiety about needles.  I still don't know what I'm going to do about the blood work before the procedure.  But it's that or death.

I'll have the cake, then.

I was impressed with the facility.  I managed to park at the opposite end of the campus from where I needed to be, so I got a self-led tour of Baptist Health in Little Rock.  It's very clean, and very cozy feeling.  Not quite coldly sterile... not quite home... but then again it's a hospital.. I don't think  you're ever supposed to feel at home in a hospital.

The staff were nice, and all went well.

Now it's hurry up and wait until July.

I do hope I am approved.

helen

Just a bit of an update.  Had to change my consultation date to April 8th.  So that's coming up, and I am excited.  

I have barely had time to think between school and work these days.  The good thing is that those things distract me from worrying about whether or not I will be able to have the surgery this summer.  And in some small way, I am happy about that.  One can only take so much worry, ya know?

In other news...

I've made a decision that I hope will help some folks.  I have looked and looked for clothing-free before and after pictures of 20-somethings who have had more than 200 pounds to lose... just to see what my skin and shape situation might be after surgery.  But it seems there are none!  So, I have decided to take my "before" pictures tonight and post them with some minor censor bars.  I'll update them periodically through my whole experience too.  Because I don't know about you all, but I like to have a visual idea of what I might be going through... everything from weight loss to wounds healing to skin sagging...  And while posting my own pictures won't help me prepare, maybe it might help someone else.  So I'm gonna do it.  But I'm going to filter them so only friends can see.  

That means after tonight, if you want to see my hefty ass in the buff, you must first be willing to call yourself my friend. Be warned.  *grins* 

h

Went to the health department today to get back on birth control to regulate hormones and postpone pregnancy until after I have WLS (if it ever happens).  My appointment was for 9:30.  I was ten minutes early signing in, but they still didn't see me until 11:30.  What's the purpose in making appointments at all, I wonder?  That's more than two hours in the lobby with screaming toddlers everywhere. 

When I finally did get in the office, among many things, they determined I am not anemic, I am not pregnant, and my blood pressure is only slightly above normal.  And then they weighed me... and I am now 394 pounds.

*Fuck*

That's only 6 pounds away from 400.  It is the highest I have ever weighed in my life.  And I feel like crap because of it. I haven't even been eating more than normal!  I really haven't.  If anything, I have been eating way less because of school and two jobs.  I'm hardly ever home anymore.

I don't know.  I'm trying to look at this from a positive angle... to reframe the whole thing.  But I just don't see the positives.  

Hurry up, July.

h

Short update-- also hijacked from an email to a friend.

The nurse from Dr. Gibbs' office called me this morning to let me know that a consultation has been scheduled for me on Thursday the 20th at 2:45 pm.  I was delighted to learn that it will only be 212 dollars, as I am paying out of pocket.  I was honestly expecting much more for some reason.  I'm glad to be doing the consultation before July, even if it means $212 from my pocket rather than Arkansas Rehab's pocket.

And I was giving this some thought the other day.. beginning with the idea that if I am rejected this time, all of my hoop jumping will again have been for naught.. but then I realized that with the way insurance companies are toughening their criteria for who can be approved for surgery, doing all that I am doing this time around only means that I will be prepared the next time around when I find insurance through an employer (should rehab fall through).

I have a pretty little file with my medical records, one year's supervised weight loss program, psych eval, medical eval, and soon an evaluation from the WLS surgeon himself... I have never heard of any insurance company asking for anything more from a client appealing for WLS.  So... even if this fails, I'm set up sturdily for the next try.  Which is an encouraging thought, as I tend to linger on the more negative 'what if' scenarios.

h

Much has happened since my last post.  

The war on state funding: I met with my case manager, had a Psych Eval. and a Medical Eval. to prove to the powers that be behind state vocational rehab funding that I am both really really fat with comorbidities and that I am mentally sound enough to handle surgery.  Passed with flying colors but for the negative attitude of the medical examiner.  She was *BENT* on putting me in my place as far as weight goes.  A friend suggested the notion that she may have been a fat-people-hater as some medical professionals are-- and that theory seemed to fit.  Nonetheless, I made it through even her harsh commentry relatively unscathed.

So my hopes were high, and time was ticking down to the 60 day mark by which time I was supposed to have received word as to whether or not I was approved for funding from the state for surgery.  I never heard back from my case manager.

So I stalked her until I found her email address from another job (as I was given out of date contact information before) and sent her an email asking what for.  She told me that the medical examiner decided that a letter from my supervising APN during my year-long weight loss program wouldn't be good enough (told you that medical examiner was mean).  And my case had been closed.

Nice of them to not tell me. 

So several days went by, and I despairingly cried and tried to take out more student loans to maybe pay for surgery myself.  No luck.  Looked into an appeals process and found none.

Then I got in touch with my APN to tell her thanks for trying, but I needed a letter from an MD-- sort of a cutting loose strings thing.  She said, "Hang on a sec-- my husband (who is an MD) was my supervising physician during my entire time at your school-- he reviewed your case that whole year, and so his signature could go on there too."

Woohoo!  So I got a hold of my Case Manager again to tell her the good news-- that I now had a letter from both my APN and an MD.  She was very excited for me, since it meant that I had another chance.... however.  My case had already been closed.  No big deal, right?  Reopen the damned thing!  No can do... she could use the existing information in my "closed" file and add to that for my new case... meaning another 60 day wait to see if I'm approved.  Minor setback, no big deal.  Then she put me on hold and came back in a saddened tone saying that all the money for their department had been used up already for this fiscal year (through June).  And that even if I found out in 60 days that I had been approved... the state wouldn't be able to pay for it until July.  Fehhhhh.

So that's where I sit.  The Doctor's letter to the case manager and powers that be is in the mail... I have around 50 days before I know whether I've been approved.  And surgery will be July at the earliest if I *am* approved.  And those steps are all barring any more hoops popping up for me to jump through.

So there's the update.  

Now to figure out how to re-do my ticker in my signature.  Says it's disabled because I haven't updated it in 80 days.  Isn't that sad?  It's not for lack of being here, I assure you.  It's for lack of pounds being lost.

At least I'm hovering at the gargantuan number I am at right now and going no higher... I don't know what I'd do if I topped 400 lbs.

But I digest...

helen

Okay, because I am a lazy bum, today's post will be a cut and paste reply I just sent to the lovely Amanda who was kind enough to email me and ask about the seminar and offer words of encouragement.  Enjoy.

~*~*~*~*~

Hey girl.  =)  Yeah, I was really excited to go to the seminar.  The "finally getting started" feeling was great... but I was mostly excited about the prospect of finding fundage for the surgery... Kay was so helpful and spoke as though AR Rehab was *the* way to go.. but then I called the lady from Arkansas Rehab..  She told me there's a huge list of requirements I must meet and that they've only ever approved *one* person for gastric bypass.  *groans*  Now I'm not so sure.  One approval ever is not very good odds, ya know?  

But I will get my paperwork together all the same.  At least all of the requirements she listed over the phone, I meet.  One year medically supervised weight loss, at least five years' history of obesity, weight interfering with work (I'm a CNA, so that's a definite check!) And the list goes on.  I think the hardest thing for me will be to get the letter of recommendation from my university's APN.  She and I had a falling out last year after she told my husband he wouldn't be able to lose weight without surgery.  Now I know that's probably true and she knew what she was talking about, but it'll mean I'll have to eat a lot of crow to get a letter from her.  

But I will do what it takes.  At least I have time to get this all together... AR Rehab is pretty booked-- the earliest appointment I could get was Dec. 20th.  So, keep your fingers crossed for me until then!

helen

(PS-- hope you don't mind... I'm gonna use this reply to you as an update in my blog since I am running short on time today.)

So, yesterday's seminar was enjoyable.  Mom and I went together.  I didn't really learn anything new, as I have read and read and read for months already.. but it was good to meet the surgeon, his staff, and others who are in similar situations to my own. And it was good to finally have started the infamous "process" of having WLS. 

Bad stuff first... I learned that I now weigh 385 pounds... which is my all-time high.  *frowns*   But the surprising thing is that I don't feel hopeless about it.... I do feel the need to *hurry* and try to get this process really steaming along before I top 400, heaven forbid... but at least I feel as though progress is being made in some sense.  And that's a very good change.  I mean, who really wants to feel depressed and hopeless?  Not I.

There were two particularly awesome things that came of yesterday's seminar. The first is that my mom learned a lot and is EVEN MORE supportive than she was to begin with.  I think it took an MD telling her what I'd been telling her all along to realize that it's all true.  She was impressed that I knew my stuff... and she is absolutely in favor of my having this surgery.  I'm pretty independent when it comes to sorting out big decisions, but it really does mean a lot to have her on my side.. especially since so many people have taken it upon themselves to offer up their unsolicited, uninformed, and often rude "advice." 

Cool thing number two happened after the seminar when I was talking to the insurance rep from my surgeon's office.. I sought her advice, telling her straight out that I'm a poor uninsured college kid whose credit is shot due to a million dollars in student loans still out there not paying themselves off..  she pointed me in the direction of a few options-- one of which looks quite promising, actually.  

Because I am *so* obese my BMI is currently a 57 I qualify for a rehabilitation program in my state that sometimes pays for open gastric bypass surgeries for extreme cases.  While it sucks to come face to face with the fact that somewhere on paper, I am known as an "extreme case," it is a relief to find some hope behind funding my surgery.  So I am crossing my fingers praying that works out. 

So, that's that!  The first of my paperwork is in! I'm officially a patient... and the ball is rolling.

Is it being too hopeful if I allow myself to entertain the thought that I might actually have the surgery during my winter break??  

Hmmm....

helen

I am amazed at the level of support coming from my mom regarding WLS.  When I made the decision to undergo WLS, I fully braced myself for ridicule from my family.  I'm not sure why I expected them to *not* approve-- perhaps it had something to do with my being the only super obese member of the family-- but I braced myself nonetheless. And in the past few days of insurance woes... my mom has been there.  She has been there to bounce ideas around and to plan for the upcoming seminar.... small things.  But she's been there.  And that means so much more to me than she'll ever know.

Aside from the emotional goodness of Mom being there for me, there's the practical goodness.  My mom is SMART in the ways of adulthood.  She knows how to make things happen... she knows where to look.  When I left home for college... and then when I got married shortly after... I kind of just plugged my ears and said "nah nah nah-- I can't hear you!!!" when it came to health insurance stuff.  It was just another unneccessary thing to drain our bank account as far as Hubby and I were concerned.  But now here I am wanting surgery and sans insurance.  Shoulda listened to Mom.  =)   

So, while I continue the job hunt and interview onslaught, she's going to call her insurance guy on Monday to ask questions about WLS and see what she can dig up for me.  Because I've exhausted my resources.  I've applied for and have been rejected by *several* insurance companies in the past couple days.  The ones who would have accepted me were grossly expensive or had anti-RNY underwritings.  Feh.

Hubby has to work the day of the WLS seminar, so Mom's coming with me.  I'm excited about attending, because it feels like such a 'step' if that makes any kind of sense.  

helen

It sucks to be a fat chick looking for insurance coverage.  I just got turned down by two different insurance companies because of my "height to weight ratio." So, how do you guys do it?  Where can I find an insurance company that will cover me?  Grrr.

helen