hopeful_melissa

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Wow!! It's hard to believe that it's been soooo long since I've been on here. I guess I just got busy and wrapped up in school and work.

Over the holidays, my gall bladder decided it was time not work anymore, so I had surgery on December 24th to remove it!! LOL Merry Christmas to me!  But I feel so much better without it!

I have lost another 16 pounds since the last time I was here. I'm now at 162 and my goal is 150. I tried working with my insurance for the skin removal, but of course they consider it cosmetic.

While I don't make the right food choices 100% of the time, I try to the majority of the time. I still avoid sugar like the plague and have become "addicted" to McDonald's Sugar Free Vanilla Iced Coffee. I get a large one and it lasts me all day at the office.

Ohh - I accomplished my goal of size 10 jeans! I'm wearing 8-10 depending on how it's made, ladie's mediums and men's small! It's so weird to shop in other parts of the store. We were at the mall and my husband asked me if I wanted to go into Torrid and see if they had anything I liked. I told I couldn't shop there anymore because everything they have would be too big for me! He grinned and said "say that again baby!!"

We went to my brother-in-laws for dinner and he had some of his friends over that I haven't seen for probably 4 years or so..and they didn't recognize at all. They asked my husband who I was! LOL It was great!

Dreading the summer clothes because of all my skin...but I am trying to get on volley ball league. If I do, I'll have to get some of those compression workout clothes or I have a feeling that it will hurt to have this all bouncing around...plus it would be sort of gross!  I'm going to save up for my surgeries - $25000 and 5 surgeries to fix all the skin and get some boobs back!!  LOL 

I went shoe shopping yesterday at a place where they actually help you with finding the right shoes. She asked me my size and I told her I had no idea, 7.5 maybe. She was a little busy so she didn't measure my feet and went and got the shoes I was looking at. After a few pairs that didn't work and one that looked huge on my feet, I explained to her that I had lost 196 pounds and my whole body was different - including my feet!

She got out her little foot measuring thingy and measured. I went from an 8.5WW to a 6.5W. I was FLOORED!! I had NO idea and could not remember ever buying a pair of shoes in size 6.5 ever!

So, I put it all together on my facebook today - I'm down to 180 pounds (goal met), went from size 32 to size 12, shoes 8.5WW to 6.5W, and I took 9 rings in to be resized. My ring finger from about a size 10 to a 6.5, pinky from 5.5 to a 3. WOW!!  My boobs went from a C/D to a B cup.

Who is that woman in my mirror?!?!

Where did my boobs go?!?!?!

Hello!

I was looking at my profile an realized that I haven't blogged in a while. So here we go.

In January of this year, I went back to college. My career in IT seems to be at not only a stand still, but always seems to be on the chopping block! The last time I got laid off it took me 3 years to find another job, so I'm making other plans and going to school for nursing. I'm hoping to get my RN license - but it's going to take me a while. I'm only doing two classes per semester so I have some time for my husband and my motorcycle and other stuff I like to do as well.

My weight loss seems to have leveled off and I'm at 181 pounds. I'm not disappointed at all!!! And I know that a portion of that is skin. My challenge now is not gain. I seem to fluxuate between the same 5 pounds and little more then that during "that time" of the month.

I can't believe how differently people treat me - and it's not just men! Women that I have seen around the office for the last 4 and half years are just now starting to talk to me.  I just look at them like they are aliens. I am having so much fun shopping in new places for clothes! And actually figuring out what it is I like to wear instead of just wearing whatever fits.

I am in a size 12/14 depending on who makes it and how it's cut. Lady's size large for some things, medium for others. It's awesome!!! :)   I would go through it all again in a heartbeat! I have no regrets what so ever!!

OMG!! I finally made it! My first big goal was to be under 200 pounds and I hit that this morning! I was dancing and jumping and screaming this morning after I got off the scale. I'm quite sure that if my dogs could dial the phone, they would have called the looney bin and had me committed!! LOL

This has been a long time in coming. I've been stuck at 202 pounds for like 6 weeks and it was so frustrating!! But I knew that I was doing all of the right things, so I just kept on doing what I was doing and it finally broke lose! To celebrate my accomplishment, I'm going to have my nails put back on and have a nice pedicure!

I don't remember the last time I was under 200 pounds.

I did a happy dance this morning after stepping on the scale and finding that it had moved in the right direction!!  I still can't believe how much weight I have lost, and I'm still very scared about keeping it off...but I know that I am doing the right things probably 95% of the time. Sometimes I will have a few bites of thin crust pizza or have fried chicken fingers or fried shrimp - but as a general rule, I really try not to eat unhealthy things.

I have found that when I have that salty snacky craving, sunflower seeds work quite well - especially during a 4 hour airport layover! I get the salty flavor from the shells, but I don't eat a whole serving of them (which is good cuz they are not really a low calorie food). Each serving has 9 grams of protien, 190 calories, and 15 grams of fat - YIKES - okay...maybe they aren't that good of an idea! Note to self, read labels closer. This is for a 1/4 cup size serving and I can't eat that many of them. Hmmmm...a serving of Doritos has less calories and fat then sunflower seeds and so Lay's potato chips (however, neither of these snacks would last very long like the sunflower seeds do). That's not a good snack and I will be looking for a better one!!! LOL  Here I thought I was doing good!!! Woops!

I guess that reinforces the idea that there are really no "bad" foods - as long as the portion is under control and you take the calories and fat content into consideration for your daily meal plan. I have decided that in situations where I am pretty sure there isn't going to be anything I will be able to eat, I always take a protien bar with me. It fills me up, gets me 20 grams of protien and keeps me out of the more fattening foods that might make me not feel so good.

I went to a friend's wedding reception and BBQ this past weekend and I was helping her set up the food at her house for the BBQ. She had gotten a chocolate fondue fountatin, and I was setting that up for her - setting up the trays of yummy things (Oreos, Nutter Butters, sugar wafers, biscoti, strawberries and pineapple) and I also melted the chocolate chips for the fountain. I had chocolate everywhere!! But I didn't like my fingers, I had a towel on my hip to wipe my hands on and washed them a few times during the chocolate experience as well. It smelled good, but I didn't really want any of it. I kept swiping the strawberries though! Those were good! I was so proud of myself for NOT getting into the chocolate and cookies - no matter how much that little evil voice told me I wanted to try it, I kept reminding myself that it made me sick (even if it doesn't make me dump - it made me fat before which in turn made me sick). Almost 5 months post-op and I have not tried sweets - they will make me sick and I keep that in my head. I also make the choice not to have them, I don't ever tell myself I "can't" have them because then I will want them. I just chose not to have them.

I found that I really like the sugarfree, decaf General Foods International coffees. Sometimes they are hard to find, but they are a treat when I can find them. My favorite of course is the Suisse Mocha, but the vanilla is good also. The only thing that I really "miss" having sometimes is pop. And that is mostly when I'm around a lot people drinking it. I've been tempted to try it, but then I think about how long it's really been since I've had any, and then change my mind.

Yes I know that platues will happen, but it doesn't make them any less frustrating! I still have such a long way to go, and my weight loss has been steady, but slower then most. I seem to be stuck where I am for the time being, and while I am happy - elated about how far I've come, I don't want this to be it. I want to be healthier then I am now. grrrrrrrrr.....

I've been so busy I know that I'm not getting in enough exercise, so it's my own fault. I need to be more then one person some times - most of the time.

I've been working on getting my craft/sewing room put together at the house and that has been fun. I took my first sewing class this week, and dropped my sewing machine off to be cleaned and adjusted. It was my mom's and has been stored for about 7 or 8 years. It's a Viking #1 machine, and I guess it's a pretty good one! They have ones now that are way more advanced then this one, but since I don't know anything about sewing, I figure this is plenty of machine for me.

I want to make curtains for my kitchen and for the craft room, and just learn how to sew. I don't know why all of a sudden I feel the urge to do this, but what can I say! Maybe it's a way to feel close to my mom. I used to play dolls in her sewing room while she sewed and made so many wonderful things. I miss her so much.

It's a really strange thing to me. When I look at myself, for the most part I don't see the weight loss. Sometimes when I'm wearing something that fits me really well and I turn sideways in the mirror, I can see how "flat" my stomach looks, but other then that I really don't "see" it.  I can definitely tell a difference in how my clothes are fitting and the sizes that I'm buying, but when I look at myself, I just don't see it yet.

My biggest issue with my body still remains my arms. I have always had an issue with how my arms look and would not wear sleeveless anything without a way to hide my arms. It seems that no matter how hard I work on them, they dont' seem to get any smaller.

However, one thing that I can definitely tell is better, is sex!! Making love to my husband is a lot easier for both of us, and just better all the way around - though I still seem to have issues with not being all that interested in it - Hopefully that's not TMI!! LOL  Oh well, it was on my mind so I thought I'd share it!

I am quickly approaching my lightest adult weight. I'm almost back to the size I was in high school and I have lost 137 pounds since I started this journey a little over a year ago - 71 pounds pre op and 66 pounds post op so far. I am so proud. My weight loss doesn't seem to be as fast as some others, but it is very steady, and that is awesome. I've had one small stall so far, but for the most part, I'm losing 3 to 4 pounds each week. As long as I'm going down, that's the important thing to me!

I am FINALLY at the point where I have lost more then I have to lose!! I'm a total of 116 pounds down (45 since surgery) and 110 more to go!  It's still quite a big number I know, but I've lost more then that so I can do this!!

I'm so amazed with how I feel and the fact that I can fit into clothing that I've had for years. I bought a dress about 3 years ago and it never fit. It ran small, and now it fits great and is soooo cute! I'm excited to be able to wear it and all of my other dress/professional clothes that haven't fit in forever.

uh ohh...have to write more later - work calls

And I feel great! I've had very few instances of throwing up, and so far have not dumped. I'm sticking pretty close to the guidelines they set out of what to eat and what not to eat. In retrospect, I was very annoyed with the 6 month pre-op diet and all the education I had to go through, but now post-op I'm thankful I had to do it all. It gave me all the information and tools I needed to help make this surgery as successful as possible with as few problems as possible. I have a day every now and then when my pouch feels grumpy, but for the most part, I feel wonderful!

My relationship with food has changed almost a full 180 degrees. I don't think about it much, and I have to make sure I pay attention to the clock to eat when I'm supposed to. Sometimes I just can't find anything that sounds remotely good to eat, so I have a protien shake of some kind. I really have no interest in food at all. I do find that I get the head hunger when they bring food in at the office for a potluck or something and everyone is eating. Then I sort of wish I could eat with them - but at the same time, I'm glad I can't eat all that stuff!

When people ask me if I'm glad I did this - absolutely! Would I do it again - without a doubt! I feel myself getting so much healthier, and fitting into clothes that I haven't been able to wear for years (luckily, most of it is still in style!!).

It's also been two months that my mom has been gone. It's hard to believe, and there is part of my head that still won't accept it..that it's got to be a bad dream or something. I really miss her.

It's so nice to be home, but there is so much that I feel like I *should* be doing - The house is a mess, there's laundry to be done, but I'm thinking that would really be over doing it. (YA THINK?)

So it seems like forever since I've been able to chew my food, so I'm looking forward to moving onto the next phase of the post op diet - hopefully this Thursday. I went to the store today so that I could get some food for the puree phase and to get my walking in.

Today was kind of a lonely day. I've been missing my mom so much today.