huggers33
My Life Before, Now and Upcoming...
Aug 30, 2011
Let me start off by saying that I am writing this out for the first time, and it is very uncomfortable for me to write this out for others to see. I am going to make myself very vulverable, but it is going to be good therapy for me.
I was born with a congenital left hip. Which means that my left hip was not connected to my body. I underwent surgery to have it repaired, and was in and out of hospitals until the age of 15. As a baby to the age of 1, I was in a casts, went from full body to legs only. This condition causes early bone degernation at early ages, which I have started already at the age of 36.
I don't recall much of my younger years, but do recall some very vivid dreams and visions about what happened at the hopsital. Long story short, one of the attendants took it upon themselves to molest me,again, this is a very vague memory. I become very self aggitated whenever someone would touch me, even on the shoulder.
My grade school pictures paint a picture of unhappiness. I very rarely smiled in pictures, very rarely participated in any school functions, because of the fact tha I was the largest person around. I remember starting in Grade 5, I was so unhappy that I would stay in side for recess and help the teacher with projects around the classroom, whether it be watering the plants or photocopying. I never understood why I was so big (by Grade 8 weighed over 200 lbs), because I would bike to and from school every day, and by Grade 7, started participating in sports, like Badminton, Soccer and Volleyball, all of which I made first team, even though I was large, I was still a good player. Even then, the weight never came off, it just piled on, even with the diets I was on at the time.
I get to High School, and I decide not to try out for any teams because it was the Big Leagues now, and I was not good enough. So I joined the school band. I did alot of exercising and dieting throughout High School, but still managed to gain another 100 lbs over the years. Doctors tested my thyroid, and nothing was wrong. Again, I wouldn't let anyone touch me, nor get close to me. I had built a wall all around me, to protect me. At this point, is when I began to realize that subconsciously I was putting on the weight as a barrier to protect myself from being molested and hurt again. By the end of High School I was in a size 28 pant and a 4XL shirt. And not happy.
I enter into college, afraid to go to classes because I wouldn't fit into the seats, so I would only show up for tests and exams. It worked out well, I maintained a perfect GPA. However, it didn't do anything for my self esteem. So ran for student council and won the seat for Vice President of Finance, two years in a row. Worked 3 jobs while going through college, kept myself busy, but still managed to pack on a few lbs.
Graduated from college with 2 diplomas, and a job! That was great, until I had a car accident, where I totalled my car, and wrecked my back. From that point on, it became very difficult to walk, ride a bike, and even sit, so I lost my job. Struggle of the past 11 years at work, to keep the pain away and not take time off of work. But that was hard. 7 years ago, I started to hemorrage (sp), and was put on the depo prevara shot to stop it. This shot causes weight gain, and sure as all heck, it did. I skyrocked to 550lbs. Very depressed.
A few years ago, I started to take my life back. I got a pain medicine that allowed me to start walking, and biking again, and dropped 50 lbs. Unfortunately, the tactics I used to lose that weight, cannot be used right now. I have been told to keep off my left knee as much as possible, and will need it replace in the next year or so, as well, my back injury has gottne worse, and has made so I can only walk about 10 feet before it starts to hurt. And I cannot stand for longer than 15 minutes without crying in pain.
When I started the process in Windsor, I weighed in at 501 lbs, and my last weigh in, 6 months after starting, I was weighed in at 475 lbs. Due to my excercise restrictions, I took up swimming laps to help in the weight loss.
I have finished the process in Windsor, and was referred to Hamilton St. Joseph's Hospital for surgery in June 2011. I met the surgeon on July 21st, 2011, and my surgery is supposed to be September 22, 2011.
I started on OptiFast today, and it is not going so well. I am having a reaction to the shakes, making me vomit, break out in hives, and a fever. I was only able to get 2.5 in today, I will have to try harder tomorrow.
I can't wait to leave the overweight girl, who never got invited to parties, sleepovers, or out to the movies behind, and got on with a life of happiness and satisfaction. Just to be normal again.
If you made it this far, thank you for reading my story, it helped. I didn't go into much detail just gave a skeleton idea. Maybe in the future I can expand on some of the areas.
Again, thank you for reading.
