Been Awhile...

Dec 13, 2010

I haven't gotten on ObesityHelp in quite some time now.   I think it is because I feel guilty about my recent activities and I didn't want to share.  I find though, if I get it out then maybe I will quit doing it.....

Since May, I have been drinking almost every weekend.  I was SOOO against drinking after RNY before I even got it but I found that when I started I really liked the affects it did to me.  At first I would drink 1 cosmo and be drunk and that would last me the whole night.....Now I find that I can take a few shots, have 1/2 bottle of wine and a few beers and get REALLY messed up and stay that way.   It is like I am able to go from being sober 1 moment to 2.5 minutes later being drunk and feeling good.
I don't want to go down this path anymore though.  I feel like I still have time to stop myself from potentially becoming an alcoholic.  I don't know what I am going to do to stop it or what support I am going to have.....I know I have my gf and that is all that matters....I know she will help me through this, it just sucks when I am around all my other friends and they are having a drink........hopefully I will work through this....

I also have stopped taking vitamins.  I haven't taken vitamins in like 3 months.  I tell myself, today will be the day that I will start on them and then totally forget to pack them for the day.   I read a story online where someone died because they didn't want to take vitamins and I don't want that to become me......I have already packed them today but I am missing calcium....I have to wait till after christmas to buy a tub....luckily I have a few samples that I can take till then....


I dunno, I felt like with this surgery I would be super woman and be able to do whatever  I wanted.....For the most part that is true but I can't continue to go down a path that will lead me back to where I was either weight wise or mentally wise....
We aren't always perfect, we have flaws, I have a lot of flaws, I am hoping to fix them before the year is up....I want to go back on my positive side when I first got this surgery....

That is all for now. 

Oh and on a positive note, I am in ONEderland....197 this morning :) 

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