jacquis_1966

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Surgery is Monday. I've finished my Optifast and now will be doing clear liquids for the weekend. 

I'm nervous, scared.........terrified quite honestly. 

....and I broke today. I cheated and ate a lemon bar from a batch that I'd made for a work bbq. I paid for it. It made me so sick to my stomach. Looks like my body is getting used to the low sugar/high veggie & protein thing already.  

I made a yummy cabbage soup this weekend too. I went a little heavy on the red pepper flakes I think, but it's got amazing flavour for the number of ingredients that it has.  So I have that and some curried cauliflower for my two veggie servings over the next few days. I'm good with that. 

My friend/support person was talking me through the cheat today. I felt so guilty and I don't want to screw this up. I have to be able to go through with this no matter how terrified I am. I have to see if taking the weight off will finally be the key to helping with my knees, pain and mobility. I really really hope it does. 

So, only a little over a week till my surgery. Sleeve is the flavor for me. Apparently that's the better way to go since I have such severe arthritis and may need to take my anti-inflammatory drugs for a while even after surgery.

I've finished two boxes of Optifast and working on the third now. I've found that the liquid diet is much easier for me on the weekend than on work days. Not sure why, maybe I just pace myself better at home. At any rate, it's all good. I'm down seven pounds in the week that I've been on the Optifast diet. Not sure if that's a typical loss or not, but I am pleased with it. We'll see what this coming week brings.

Hubby will be home from Belgium in a week. I'm SO excited!

Yesterday and today have been much better. Not nearly as hungry at work and finding some nice ways to do my two cups of veggies. Yesterday was curried cauliflower with green peppers, celery and broccoli.  Made enough for three meals on Tuesday night and it was so yummy. Tonight I sauteed cabbage and celery in veggie broth, added red pepper flakes and a bit of rice vinegar then let it cook down and simmer. I added a bit of broccoli to that one as well. I had enough for tonight and will have a good lunch tomorrow. I wasn't sure how the taste would be since I was just throwing things in a pan, but I have to say I was so very pleased with the outcome.  I would continue to make both when I'm allowed to go back on solid food after surgery.

'R' is faring better with his jetlag and we've been able to get a schedule down for talking throughout the day. That's taken a lot of the stress off. And he's only there for one more week, so that helps too.

Tomorrow will be two boxes of Optifast gone, two to go. And I found today that my pants came down easily without unbuttoning/unzipping them. I don't want to get any false hopes or anything because everything I've ever done in weightloss has been fleeting. But I'm beginning to be able to see a bit of a light now.  

After yesterday's fuzzy headed battles I was hoping today would be a bit better. It was better as far as hunger, I wasn't nearly as hungry as I was yesterday at work. I wasn't watching the clock today, big plus.  But I did wake up with a migraine which meant more fuzzy head. Been feeling a bit detached that past couple days as well.

'R' is day three in Belgium and he's going through the whole jet lag and change of time zone thing. So it's been a bit convoluted trying to get times to talk down to a science. I actually broke down completely on him today. I feel terrible about it because I told him that I felt like I was trying to get my life back while he was moving forward. Feeling like I'll never catch up to him and he'll move on in life without me. 

I know that's not the case. I know it's frustration on being alone and the diet thing. But I had to say it or burst. 

He told me to keep the end game in mind. To remember this is to alleviate the weight on my knees and to make mobility better. To be able to get out and about and get back to life as it should be at our age.  I know he's right, but it's hard for me to see the end game sometimes. I can't picture being anything but what I've always been. Overweight. 

Geesh, I need to get out of my head. Kick myself in the arse and get things right mentally/