KarrieAnn
Tired of looking at my fat
Jun 09, 2008
I have a gray folder that my doctor's office assigned to me. Its filled with pages of information regarding the battle I have in front of me ..... to forge from myself the fat that I no longer wish to rule my kingdom.
A list is provided, long and filled with pen strokes from a nurse practitioner, of all the things they want me to accomplish... all before they'll even give me a date of when.
Some headings are walk in, some or by appointment... so many that I'm not sure if I call this one or walk to that one.
The hospital I have chosen is large and sprawled out and I can't help but think they purposefully placed the offices far from the class room to get me to walk my fat around today.
So I sit and listen to a dietitian tell me fat free, sugar free, protein supplements, chewable vitamins. Don't drink through a strew but drink as much as you can throughout the day to as to not fill a shot glass stomach with empty calories?
I look at my gut where my fat decided to make its estate larger and larger... and I decide tonight... I'm tired of looking at my fat today.... my fat has been my enemy and in fear my shield ... and now you are saying to me to abandon one of the things that has been the most constant in my life..... ok... but lets stop looking for now... I will work again with it tomorrow.
needing to figure it out.
A list is provided, long and filled with pen strokes from a nurse practitioner, of all the things they want me to accomplish... all before they'll even give me a date of when.
Some headings are walk in, some or by appointment... so many that I'm not sure if I call this one or walk to that one.
The hospital I have chosen is large and sprawled out and I can't help but think they purposefully placed the offices far from the class room to get me to walk my fat around today.
So I sit and listen to a dietitian tell me fat free, sugar free, protein supplements, chewable vitamins. Don't drink through a strew but drink as much as you can throughout the day to as to not fill a shot glass stomach with empty calories?
I look at my gut where my fat decided to make its estate larger and larger... and I decide tonight... I'm tired of looking at my fat today.... my fat has been my enemy and in fear my shield ... and now you are saying to me to abandon one of the things that has been the most constant in my life..... ok... but lets stop looking for now... I will work again with it tomorrow.
needing to figure it out.Naked And In Front of The Class
May 21, 2008
The reality of the journey, I've come to be very aware, is that from the decision point to have the surgery you are saying to others, "judge me and my fat". I grew up being judged ALOT and to yield and willingly allow others to judge me is VERY hard. And I know I KNOW its to better my health and state of being and live longer BUT.... when you've been through the judgement your whole life, even as an adult it feels like you're standing naked in front of the class.
Doctors, nurse practioners, dietitians, shrinks, they tell you where you've gone wrong in your life and your food. Friends, family when you tell them you've decided to do such an extreme thing, they say things like, "just excercise" not knowing how truly painful working out can be with so much weight to move around, vigorously.
I do not look forward to putting on the armor of smile and my "judgement proof chin armor" to get through the various sessions, but I will.
** just cause it feels like an afro day**
Doctors, nurse practioners, dietitians, shrinks, they tell you where you've gone wrong in your life and your food. Friends, family when you tell them you've decided to do such an extreme thing, they say things like, "just excercise" not knowing how truly painful working out can be with so much weight to move around, vigorously.
I do not look forward to putting on the armor of smile and my "judgement proof chin armor" to get through the various sessions, but I will.
** just cause it feels like an afro day**