Starting to think...

Sep 13, 2009

SO I know this is normal, but it still annoys me.  I am starting to question my decision to have surgery.   It doesn't help that my mom (my main support person) keeps telling me that I don't need surgery and such, but she has always been like that.  Also, she is very scared that there will be a serious complication during my surgery.  My brother died 8 yrs ago and she still is very over protective of me. 

Anywhoo, today I was thinking that maybe I am making the wrong decision, so I talked with a friend at church that had RNY and she helped me remember why I need and want this and to use it like the TOOL it is not a cure all.  She has regained a large portion of weight and needs to have her stoma "tightened" (lack of a better word). 

I am also worried that many of my friends may no longer be friends with me because of my weight loss, now I know the old saying--if they were really your friends they will be there for you no matter what--but still.  I know my bf will stop talking to me because she already is distancing herself from me, and this is mostly because her mom needs the surgery, and is fighting her ins. company but it isn't looking good for her. Her mom is like my dream mom, wonderful and kind.  Loves you no matter what and I am afraid of loosing her because of my weight loss success.  Now my other bf, kinda hoping he wants to be more, is my friend's brother and my dream mom's son, he keeps telling me that I have nothing to worry that he and his mom will always be here for me, granted she has stayed close friends with the lady at church who had surgery so it is possible, and likely but that fear just gets in there and grows.  

Lastly for today, I am afraid.  There I finally admited it, but deep down in my heart I know I have to do this.  For me, for my kids, for my grand kids, and for the dog....well he is really just going to benefit from me walking so much now, and boy is he happy.

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