Almost sixteen months out.........

Dec 03, 2009

So the endometrial ablation was uneventful.  Doped up on percocet for a day, cramps are gone, I'm fine now.  Praying that's an end to any heavy crazy periods until I hit menopause in fifteen years..............

I cannot believe I'm going to be 37.  I don't look it, other than my scary wrinkly legs...........they look 80.  I look young.  I feel young.  My kids are 2 and almost 9.  I should be young.............but I'm not.  I'm back down to 148, just 2 lbs from my stable weight.  My breasts are so tiny I don't care if I ever see 143 again, I cannot afford to lose any  more of my breasts!  I swear, I can't stand the thought that running is going to take MORE fat off my chest, I have fat to lose in my midsection why in the HELL doesn't it come off there?  I have no fat in my lower tummy but the upper tummy is muscle on top of fat.  Why, why, why?

I am sixteen months out Saturday.  Wow.  That's a milestone.  I'm a veteran, an old-timer.  It went by so fast.  I'm happy I went from a 22.24 to a 2/4 but still...........I don't FEEL that small most of the time, I know it's my head that's wrong........at work I feel sexy because all the engineers get all fumbly and embarassed when I speak to them, so that makes me feel like the hot girl talking to the geeks............but when I really want validation, in a more concrete way, I don't get it.  It's frustrating.  To say the least.  I just want to feel sexy and not bloated and ucky...............

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