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For those who are just getting started or can't do long distances yet.............I'm currently running "injured" technically..........

I had a fanastically fun time running an 8 p.m. 5K last night.  My time was not as good as my last 5K and I am pretty ticked because I literally couldn't run any faster..........my lungs, tight calf muscle, my knees, you name it.  I forgot my inhaler, DUH and my lungs were freaking in the cold (I forget I have asthma because it bothers me so infrequently now that I am not overweight, but it's definitely there!), it dropped from 36 to 20 during the course of the race itself.........  But we ran in a platt, the Christmas lights were gorgeous, I the pack mentality was fantastic, I did my dangdest to pass as many slowpokes and untrained folks as I could and finish with a moderate group. 

But the good news was, my Daughter and Husband FINALLY showed up for a race so she saw me at the finish!  They left the 2 yr old son at home, and I understand, it was really cold, although he would have loved it.........it's so fun when I come home from training and he says "Mommy running.........Mommy went running in her running shoes"  He knows that he's not allowed to untie and unlace and relace those or play with them........it's very cute.  But at least he brought her and picked me up.......I didn't have to worry about losing a key this time!

The party afterward was fun but things are weird between me and my skinny BFF.  She claimed that three visits ago I said I was smaller than her and not only didn't I say that I didn't say anything that could be construed as that.  My DH says she's so insecure if I said wow I can't believe we can wear the same size clothes then that's why I was saying.  It's SO frustrating.  She's an inch taller than me, weighs 5 lbs less but I wear a 4 comfortably and she wears a 6 comfortably now because she's smaller boned and fragile though tall............anyways it's just awkward. I wore my size 2 jeans BUT did not tell her or anyone else.  It was a personal victory and I was sensitive enough not to broadcast it.  I don't know what else I can do, it's her insecurity, not mine.  I had fun anyway and I ate a lot of salt only had one drink but it made me sick, I won't try drinking after a run again.  And I didn't drink until after I had eaten a "meal" and waited 60 min so I don't know what was up there.  

Time 33:02, 10:39mm.  Here's my race night pics...........

Here's me getting close to the finish --------I passed several of those people in front of me.......some people just don't care about those last seconds like me...........I could barely breathe at that point........I'm in orange




Ok and here's me afterward (right after) water bottles in hand.........

Loyal blog readers and friends, bless you!

It has been an interesting year for me and my band.  It's hard to imagine that last December I was doing my first seminars and I was wearing a size 12.  And I felt soooooooo skinny (relatively) already.  People were treating me like a rock star. It was great.

So flash forward to a year later.........wearing a size 2/4 although in pics I look larger, I think.  Makes me cranky...........I'm skinny other than my legs, I swear I am!  My surgeon accuses me of not eating...........sorry if other bandsters aren't so damn skinny but I eat A LOT of food for a WLS patient.  Why oh why does he think I don't eat?  I had a small unfill two days ago and I am much better.  I know I'm gonna have to live with this fill level or near it despite the fact that I HATE being hungry and HATE being able to eat whatever I want, I'm gonna have to make the hard choices on my own, DAMN IT!  

Now people joke about oh the skinny girl is eating today, or can you eat that or whatever............on one hand I get complimented and told how fabulous I look on the other hand don't lose another ounce, on the next hand so are you done losing?  Well, yeah, where else am I supposed to lose from??  Ok so I am crazy........

So how do I maintain?  UM I eat bad, then I diet, then I eat bad, then I diet.  And 80% of the time I do really well with my choices to be honest.  And I eat a lot less than I used to.  And I exercise.  I run.  I walk, I lift a little, do lots of resistance stuff, military type stuff, I drink TONS AND TONS of water.  I pray to the scale gods........JK.

So I am a seminar expert.  I know how the band works. I know what not to say about my personal journey.  I know how to push people to thinking the right way about their choices.  I NEVER tell people the band is the best choice.  I push all potential patients with T2 diabetes to RNY or DS.  I tell other people to look HARD at the sleeve if they can afford or insurance will pay.  I do not push the band.  My friend who has RNY ticks me off because she kind of bashes the band at the seminars, WTF???  I don't bash my surgery choice but I don't act like it's the best way either because it's a high maintenance pain in the ass!  

I do love my tool but I hate it too.  It's either too loose to be truly effective or it's a chokehold, for me anyway.  I can't find that green zone for any period of time. I'm always good until my period starts.  And I had the ablation but this period if you can call it that, has been two weeks long, OMG!  

I feel sexy and beautiful and empowered but also wrinkled I stare at my legs and think UGH I look at my tiny breasts and think UGH but with clothes on I know I get a lot of attention............and it's hard not to let it go to my head.  I am enjoying my new life but also............lots of personal issues.  I am grateful for this Christmas and the ability to eat like an idiot for a day or two and then get back on track and get the scale back in check.  I do oh so love my tool for that. 

Well it hasn't been the easiest holiday to stay upbeat.........third year in a rown struggling due to supporting four people, the DH is finally working part-time which is great but too late to save us from a horrible Christmas financially.............

So I had a race today and I was so excited but it was rescheduled and I have no 5K today.  There's a good amount of snow so of course I have zero desire to run.  Next race is New Years Eve, hopefully it's a good night.........My band/chest hurt like hell because I'm swollen from my awful stuck episode last night, and it was not because I didn't chew........no more chicken breast or wraps for me for a while. 

I just don't feel like getting up, cleaning the house and decorating even though I know it needs to be done.  I just want to be a slug.  It doesn't help that I have burnt the candle at both ends all week long and I'm exhausted.  I was in no condition to race with the episode last night but I would have done it anyway, if it were happening.  :-( 

I'm down enough I'm not even feeling frisky............ I'm quite blue today.........thinking of "Blue Christmas" from The Year Without a Santa Claus .  Even cried.........

I love my crackberry.  I love texting and talking on it.  It's my fave toy.  And it drives everyone crazy.  Today I ate lunch and tried not to look at it and I was with someone I hadn't seen in 8.5 yrs.  That's a serious phone addiction.

Have  I mentioned that I am a food addict?  And cross addictions, well, I don't have just one, I have like multiple........my phone, OH, texting, sex............not having it per se but at least thinkin' about havin' it. 

And of course I love running.  Can't wait to run my little 5K this weekend, I missed them sooooooooo much.  I just wish I had not killed the camera on my crackberry.  Limits my ability to take my not so nice pictures.............I like the fuzzy help.  :-)  And the fact that no one notices.............

Speaking of which, I need new pics!  Here I am skinnier and no pictures.............

ETA another comment on an old pic.........I have got to put up new pics, I hate looking at my "old" skinny pics which aren't so skinny anymore..........makes me wanna delete them all, even though that's not fair. 

I need to purchase a new bra and panty set............once I've "used" it maybe I'll post................

I have to work on a Sunday tomorrow.  Sigh.  What a bummer.  Weight is great, staying at 144 I am very pleased.  My ticker is accurate, I love it when it's real and not that imaginary # I'm trying to get back to.  I can see the difference in my midsection.  I discovered my only mirror at home must be distorted because ALL other mirrors reflect me thinner, especially, my thighs, where I have all the slackness from weight.

Dontcha wish your girlfriend was hot like me..........dontcha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me..........dontcha.........

I used to love that song.  Even when I was big, I knew I was sexy.  Somehow when I lost weight, it didn't translate how much sexier I would be.  But I am starting to get it.  Had a conversation with the DH today after marriage counseling about him thinking I was too thin.  He was shocked and reassured me that I'm not too thin and he loves me and didn't mean it that way.  Ok.  So now I don't have that in a bucket.  He said he loves skinny me............

So that's good, right?   I just wish I were firmer......breasts, ass, thighs, all that.  Wish I could get firmness without PS.  Sigh. 

I'm almost at my bottom#, that's great......I know I can do it and stay here.  I feel great..........even if I look the same at 150 that I do at 143, I know clothes fit differently..........

I am loving my fill level.  It's perfect.  I don't know what he gave me last time but it was just right like Goldilock's porridge.

And I have so many awesome developments personally as well as disastrous financial ones so my life is a rollercoaster again.  Someone is crushing on ME this time and it's amazing, like a drug, like alcohol, like WOW..............makes me totally hot.  Had really good sex with my husband last night for the first time in a while.  I actually had an orgasm, yippee!  Not as good as the ones I have with my toy, but it was a massive improvement.......

It's hard to be good when so much of me wants to be bad.  I think I am wired wrong, always have been.  What happened to that girl who was faithful and obedient, she like died or something and WAY before WLS, back years and years ago.  As early as 2000.............I am just naughty.  Don't know what else to say about that. 

Me and my band are gonna be BFF, the long-term slippage issues scare the crap out of me though.  I hope my band was put in just right the way it looked on my upper GI.  Let's hope my awesome sexy surgeon Dr. Donavan is as fantastic as I think he is. 

So the endometrial ablation was uneventful.  Doped up on percocet for a day, cramps are gone, I'm fine now.  Praying that's an end to any heavy crazy periods until I hit menopause in fifteen years..............

I cannot believe I'm going to be 37.  I don't look it, other than my scary wrinkly legs...........they look 80.  I look young.  I feel young.  My kids are 2 and almost 9.  I should be young.............but I'm not.  I'm back down to 148, just 2 lbs from my stable weight.  My breasts are so tiny I don't care if I ever see 143 again, I cannot afford to lose any  more of my breasts!  I swear, I can't stand the thought that running is going to take MORE fat off my chest, I have fat to lose in my midsection why in the HELL doesn't it come off there?  I have no fat in my lower tummy but the upper tummy is muscle on top of fat.  Why, why, why?

I am sixteen months out Saturday.  Wow.  That's a milestone.  I'm a veteran, an old-timer.  It went by so fast.  I'm happy I went from a 22.24 to a 2/4 but still...........I don't FEEL that small most of the time, I know it's my head that's wrong........at work I feel sexy because all the engineers get all fumbly and embarassed when I speak to them, so that makes me feel like the hot girl talking to the geeks............but when I really want validation, in a more concrete way, I don't get it.  It's frustrating.  To say the least.  I just want to feel sexy and not bloated and ucky...............

Here's the story.....got up at 4:30 drank some warm click made w 8oz milk and SF caramel syrup, then some water, then some milk, then some water, then some water.................

Made it to the race with tons of time to pee and warmup for my walk, my knees are bad so I'm under orders not to run.  Tucked my key into my bra (car) as I always do.  I wore the zip-up sports bra today, I have raced in it before without incident and train in it..............  I get warmed up.  I stretch.  I get in line a half hour before start time to pee again, lines of course are long, there are 6700 runners.........it's a busy race in a small town, Miamisburg Ohio. 

I had stopped drinking an hour before the race so I would have an empty bladder.  Old habits die hard with having stress incontinence from age 18-36.  I didn't know there would only be ONE water station for a 5 mile race!  Sigh........next time a water bottle, but I wasn't worried, hey I was just walking!  I'm starving all the sudden at the start of the race, the milk and protein shake did not stay with me, but hey I had a fill yesterday, I had to be REALLY Careful with morning eating today!

So I make it to mile marker 2, water station at 26 min and I can't believe it, I'm WALKING 13 minute miles...........how cool is that?  I used to run slower than that, heck, just this September I was running slower than that!  So anyway, I'm rolling feeling confident, cocky even and the universe SMACKED me hard.  My bra POPPED came completely unzipped and out bounce my tiny but not very perky 34B/Cs...........hilarious, right?  So, I'm a genius and try to reach up under my two long sleeve technical tees but those babees need air to get them zipped back into place so I pull off the road and  I am standing next to some person's dirty shed and the kid and mom and dad are all outdoors as I zip my breasts into place, get back on the road, start to get moving and realize - WHERE IS MY CAR KEY? I start yelling down the road anyone seen my car key?  I look, waste a good 4 min now trying to find it OMG where is it there goes my good day and good time............

I give up, get back on the road.  Lady says they saw a key at the beginning of the race and didn't pick it up, maybe it's mine?  So I decide to run, to heck with the chiro, and I have time to make up..........so I start to run.  We get to a downhill and since I read and learned downhills are bad on the knees, I walk the downhill and start jogging again at the flat.  I feel pretty good, knees even feel ok.  So I run walk from the halfway mark  to mile marker 4.........feeling the left knee for sure.  I did the final mile in like 10 min even with some walking, obviously my pace has picked up with my rest, isn't that funny?  Total time 65 min, but i don't care I need my key, I don't even head for the water, but by now I am so thirsty I was ready to die the last .25 mile how do people run that far with no water??  I only ran about 1.5 miles of the race give or take..........I'm not hungry, I find the broadcast trailer, NO KEY someone picked up the only key..........

I'm devastated.  I don't have a spare in the car.  I'm gonna need a locksmith and a car service from Geico.  OMG why did I race today?  So I am on the phone with Geico they tell me they'll pay 100 and I have to pay the balance they'll get back to me with the $ amount and let me know if they take checks (the service) oh gosh I am broke I don't need this........no $$ in the bank, no paycheck til monday.  Banks are open Friday.  I am so screwed.  They ANNOUNCE that for the person looking for a key, there's a new key I DASH SPRINT to the broadcast trailer and say KEY, and he says what kind, and I say Dodge Neon and they say it's your lucky day, I hug the men, I kiss the key, I hoot and holler and jump around and thank God and everyone and what  blessed thanksgiving it is and how lucky I am................

The Geico woman comes back and I happily tell her I don't need her services thank you soooooooooo much I am so grateful for her help and patience and so glad I am going to my car right now and going home thank you very much.  So who cares that I didn't run the trot, I finished, I didn't hurt myself too badly and I have this great story!!!

Well due to knee injury, I won't be finishing the 5 Mile Miamisburg Turkey Trot in 55 minutes........Hoping for 80 or less since I'm walking the whole way!

So it's time to make a list of things I am thankful for TODAY even though I have to walk my race I trained so hard for and EVEN delayed my ablation until next week for...............

1.  That I was able to run for months and that I will, with rehab, run again, hopefully by New Year's.
2.  That I lost 131 lbs and I'm down 124 still today, my original loss goal, and I'll be back at 131 lost by Dec 7 because work weigh-out means everything to me.
3. That I have so many supportive friends and family members who blunt the sabotage from not supportive friends and family members.
4.  That my daughter is so proud of me.  That I am this year the Chair of the PTO.
5.  That my support group here in Dayton OH kicks ass!
6.  That my OH peeps will read this and make their own thankful list!
7.  That I am a speaker for my bariatric group and I can keep it REAL for them about life with the band, the real pluses and minuses of this WLS option.