Mixed Emotions

Apr 21, 2010

I knew I had been losing weight this past month because the scale finally clicked over from OL to actual numbers. I also knew that I had not been following a proper eating plan or following any of the other guidelines. So the inner conflict was in full swing by the time I went to my appointment on Tuesday.

So there I was tickled pink that I had lost nearly 80 lbs already. I was excited that my clothes are falling off of me. I was happy that I can stand in the kitchen long enough to cook a meal. I was elated that I could bend over the bathtub to bathe my son. And in case you missed it, almost 80 lbs! That is more than I could have ever dreamed of before. Oh and wow, that puts me just a tad more than what I weighed when I graduated high school!

To counteract all my warm fuzzy feelings I also had this nice raging case of doom for which I have yet to find a cure. I am sitting here beating myself up cause I can't get in all the water or protein. I'm kicking my own backside about not being more diligent about the vitamins. Screaming at myself for not doing the exercises hasn't really changed that situation either. We won't even discuss how I'm not following an eating plan.

I'm just so mad at myself for not taking full advantage of this wonderful opportunity. I'm doing well and everybody is pleased with my progress with the exception being me. Whats worse is that I know if I don't stop beating myself it will only lead me back into the behavior that got me in this situation to begin with.

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