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I knew I had been losing weight this past month because the scale finally clicked over from OL to actual numbers. I also knew that I had not been following a proper eating plan or following any of the other guidelines. So the inner conflict was in full swing by the time I went to my appointment on Tuesday.

So there I was tickled pink that I had lost nearly 80 lbs already. I was excited that my clothes are falling off of me. I was happy that I can stand in the kitchen long enough to cook a meal. I was elated that I could bend over the bathtub to bathe my son. And in case you missed it, almost 80 lbs! That is more than I could have ever dreamed of before. Oh and wow, that puts me just a tad more than what I weighed when I graduated high school!

To counteract all my warm fuzzy feelings I also had this nice raging case of doom for which I have yet to find a cure. I am sitting here beating myself up cause I can't get in all the water or protein. I'm kicking my own backside about not being more diligent about the vitamins. Screaming at myself for not doing the exercises hasn't really changed that situation either. We won't even discuss how I'm not following an eating plan.

I'm just so mad at myself for not taking full advantage of this wonderful opportunity. I'm doing well and everybody is pleased with my progress with the exception being me. Whats worse is that I know if I don't stop beating myself it will only lead me back into the behavior that got me in this situation to begin with.

A few months back I was looking for a bathroom scale that would weigh me so that I could keep an eye on things between appointments. I was a day or two too slow with my clicky finger so I missed the one I had in mind. Then fate let me get an accurate scale for a fraction of the price from the thrift shop later that week. The only caveat was that its limit was WAY below my weight.

So for the last 11 weeks since my surgery I have been jumping on and off that thing like an OCD patient. Nope still says OL (over limit). Oh but hey its taking less leaning on the sink to make it show a number. Wahoo?

Well.......

This morning I did my 'thing' and much to my surprise, I didn't have to lean on the sink at all. Yes, boys and girls, I am able to use the scales finally. I was so happy I just about did a backflip! I kid you not, I actually screamed in excitement!

Now, I do realise that the scales at the doctor's office is the only number that matters but wahoo! At least now I can watch the number slowly dropping. I now have a refrence of how things are going between office visits. I now have proof that the weight is coming off.

Life is good!

So I had my 6 week check-up today. I've managed to lose 30 pounds in this time. So along with the pre-op loss the grand total comes to 58 pounds. Wahoooo.

Went to the grocery store on Tuesday and had a guy totally hitting on me! It can't be that I look so hawt cause I can't really tell I've lost weight yet. I think it was just the self-confidense. Whatever the reason, it was a serious boost to my morale.

I am so totally happy with my new pouch. We have some issues to work out but I think we can make a go of things. lol

I love you Dr. Weiss!

Went into surgery at 9am yesterday and everything went off without a hitch. The pain was nowhere near what I had expected nor was the nausea. Honestly, it wasn't even as bad as childbirth! I'll be going back to bed now but wanted to share with everybody that I am doing okay. *hugs*

I just got back from the surgeon's office. I had really hoped to have lost this remaining weight but didn't. Instead of losing 8, I only lost 3. I was rather upset by that but at least it was a loss instead of a gain. The nurse wan't too impressed either but we are going forward with surgery.

Scootch over girls cause my big butt is about to join yall on the losers bench!

So I got home this afternoon to find a letter in the mail from my insurance provider. The letter says that I and my toddler son are not insured effective 12 days ago. WTF?! On top of the bills I've already incured this month, I'm supposed to go to surgery next week and OMG what if the baby gets sick before I can figure out and correct the problem. This is sooo not the right time for this, if there really is ever a good time. lol

So I jumped over the Hell-Mart bags of hospital and post-op gear and ran to the phone to make the calls to find out what the hell is going on. Apparently it was some sort of clerical thing and I am still covered AND approved for next week's festivities! Yeehaw! First try, too!

So now that chaos is finished with, I guess I can get back to my pre-op panic. lol

i just got back from the doctor and couldnt wait to share the news with all yall. i got my surgery date!!! i go for pre-op stuff on the 18th and then turn around and go for the actual bypass on the 20th. im just so excited that i can hardly speak so i will come back and recount everything for you when i am able to string more than 2 words together that doesnt include jabbering and sqeee'ing. wahoooooooo!

Alright so the last time I went to the doctor, I lost nothing but gained nothing also. I was a little disappointed in myself and felt as though I were letting myself, my friends and my medical posse down. I felt disgusted in  myself that I couldn't even control myself for a while until I could get the surgery. To add to my self-abuse, the doctor came off a little hard on me.. not that I didn't need it, mind you!

So I came home and immediatly called up my bff to cry and curse. She's always been a source of strength for me and has always been my most loyal of cheerleaders and this time was no different. Without her help that day, I might have been tempted to give up totally.

What happened was the exact opposit. I steeled myself and began the diet the next day. Now I won't lie and say that I have followed it to the letter because I have eaten a taste of my son's raviolis at lunch and instead of having 3oz of meat per day I have a whole chicken breast. But yeah, Im proud of myself! Ive not binged once in the last two weeks.

Two weeks! That is a major accomplishment for me!

I also started on a self imposed liquid diet today. So at the moment I am starving and cranky. According to the whole caloric intake versus energy burned, Im 5oz down... per day. Baby steps!

Dr. man said that when I lose 4-6 pounds I am to ask the nurses for a followup with him. He said at that time we can discuss a surgery date. Wish me luck!

I first started with this Surgeon's office back at the end of July. At the orientation, I was told very plainly that I would not get a surgery date or an appointment with the surgeion until all my pre-requisits were done. Yes, that included the weight loss.

Now here it is December and I've gotten all my testing done and letters turned in. Ive been to the support groups and shrink. I've done everything required and recommended with the exception of the weight loss. Thing is, I've actually GAINED 5 lbs. I've already discussed all the workings of that, so there is no need to rehash it.

So basically, I'm confused as to why I am getting to see the surgeon. Don't get me wrong, I am excited and happy and hopeful  but yeah horribly confused. Will he tell me to go away until I am down to pre-op goal? Will he go ahead and give me a date? Or will this just be an opportunity for us to finally meet?

I'm trying to stay positive by telling myself that they know full well that losing the pre-op weight is hard and that they aren't going to give me the boot. I'm also trying not to get my hopes up for an actual surgery date being set either. I'm also working on my strategy.

My goal when I go in Monday is to show him how ready I am for this and show him all what I have accomplished. I will follow that up with the simple question of setting a date and starting the liquid diet. I've put all the bypass recipes collected so far into a binder. I've made a list of all the changes I've made to my lifestyle as well as support systems I'm getting involved in. I've even been trying to get the finishing touches done on the web-site codes in an effort to impress him.

If he sees my motivation and seriousness and sets a date then yay. If not then at least I am a bit more prepared for the post-op that will eventually come!

Wish me luck!

I've been working towards getting my surgery since the end of July. They've since taken pictures of parts of me that I didn't know I had. They've taken so much blood I fear I may be anemic until my 90's. I've added so many doctor's offices to my phonebook that they outnumber friends and family. The one thing I haven't done is lose that 5% of body weight.

Oh! What's a fat chick to do?

Well, I can tell you what I HAVE done and honestly, I think that speaks volumes. I have been off the sugar since July except when I am in a hurry and forget to read the labels as I fly down the aisles. I have reduced my diet soda intake from two bottles a day to one per week. My chinese buffet days are much less frequent and when I do partake it is mostly protein. I've severly cut back on the amount of carbs I injest thanks to some yummy recipes I've found. I've been a little more active but haven't really been able to 'workout'.

So, uh, why ain't ya lost the weight yet?

I'm glad you asked because actually I have lost weight and gained as well. Yeah, its confusing but lets talk numbers for a minute. When I started this journey I had 207 lbs of Fat Mass which made me a candidate for more than one kind of bypass. I have since lost 53 lbs of that if those fancy Tanita scales are accurate. In addition to losing the fat I've managed to gain muscle back. In the four months I've been doing this, I have gained a total of 58 lbs of Fat Free Mass.

Pretty cool, I think!

We all know that fat is bad and muscle is good but to what extent? Well, muscle will burn up calories at a faster rate than fat which will help me lose weight at a faster rate. The muscle also KEEPS burning calories after the workout is over! The fat also sucks up and stores hormones that the muscle doesn't do. Some of the hormones is what slows our weight loss as PCOS patients and physicians will attest.

So, yeah I've gained 5 lbs instead of losing the 19 lbs but I'm happy. I've made changes that are benificial to me now and will help me once I actually get the surgery. I'm well on my way to surgery despite minor setbacks.