Lady_Q

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February 20, 2011


Well its been the just of about 3 years now since I've been back here on OH.  Whats been going on in my life?

I've gone through a few deaths in my family, the devorce of my parents, change in scenery, I've been getting back into being a musician and a poet, which I perform often on stage multiple times a week, I've had a job change where I'm sitting on my butt most of my time, I'm suppose to be moving to Japan in less than 5 months and lastly, I stopped caring about myself...again.  

So in the past year I've gained nearly 60lbs back.  I first began at 463lb when I had surgery, got down to 348lb before I started running a muck around with new friends and going through all the things I was put through.  Well, I stopped going to the gym because my social life seemed much more important, food became another one of my coping skills and comforts yet again because I was "going through some things". 

Just yesterday, I was invited out with a group of people I werent all too familiar with but they seemed cool.  I found myself kind of "tagging" along and standing on the out skirts of conversations, having conversation in my head.  I was HATING myself.  Look at me! Again!  I am a slob.  We are at the park, its such a beautiful day, everyones playing ball...but me.  I am posted back on the bench with my blind dog watching the festivities.  People are laughing and enjoying conversation and I'm having conversation with myself in my hed about how much I'm hating this and hating myself. ugh!

Now, where do I began? What can I do? I know I ultimately know the answers to this, but its the physical just of getting back on track.  I need a friend.  Not just a friend because I have a million of them.  I NEED another bariatric friend. Someone I can relate to.   I get upset when people who remembered me having surgery ask me that doubtful, "uhhh, didn't you have that fat surgery?" like as if they're like.. LIKE WHAT THE FUDGE HAPPENED... YOUR STILL FAT!!!

Whatever, your not making it any easier.

I kind of remember when I was going through all of this in the first place, I had fears of losing all the weight, I had fears of becoming attractive, social, questioned, talked about.  Guess what?  It got the best of me, now I'm back where I started.  In my own comfort of being a hermit. Retracting myself from being social. And yesterday was a HUGE reminder of why I stayed out of the limelight, away from people, away from public in THE DAY TIME, because it heavily reminded me how FAT(but really I'm refering to how UNFIT) and out of place I am. 

So I guess I'm starting on my "AA" self awareness and 6 step program.
-Denial and Isolation
-Anger
-Bargaining
-Depression
-Acceptance
-Recovery
BUT, my 6 steps are:
-Find motivation
-Have correct mind set
-Progress
-Continuous positive state of mind
-Retaining help when needed
-Working on my fears
AND HOPEFULLY REACHING MY GOAL!

So, overall.  I'm fat, I know this. I'm back, thats great. Can I become accomplished, I'm hoping. 
Now what to do. I should probably stop letting my fingers do all the talking and let my legs do some walking...



Quona 

 

 
 

Hey everyone,

First of all I have to apologize heavily for disappearing on you all and not coming back to give you all an up date progress of how I'm doing.

Secondly,  I am doing well.     I am 14 weeks out of surgery, I'm still getting use to slowing myself down and learning how to make good choices and healthy activities in my life.  My friends and family were all very supportive and all do pretty well with even reminding me of what I'm doing and how I'm doing.   I'm glad still though that I'm not overwhelmed and bombarded with tons of questions and the on and on comradely of talking about my surgery.  People just sort of let me be.

So lets start with a few stats... hmm.    well weight before surgery at my heaviest was 463.7 lbs..  wheew, man thought I'd never would see myself get that close to 500lbs.    Now, 14 weeks from surgery and surprisingly under weight from what I weighed when I graduated H.S. in 2004  ((((  378.3lbs ))))
I thought it would be forever for me to start off my weight with the number 3.   But its not the number that counts most of all.  Its how I feel and how much I've changed in such a short time.   I feel more confident that and realistically can believe that soon and one day I will be saying 2 and perhaps even 1 at the start of my weight and perhaps one day achieve my full on complete weight loss and goals.



So for all who have been looking for me and wanting to know how I've been. IM HERE!!  I'm alive and I'm living it... as a LOSER and a happy one at that.


Quona

Hello all you beautiful people.

I have some good news.  Nov. 3, my first follow up following surgery and I couldn't had been any happier.

During my first 10 days out from surgery, I've basically been sitting around in my house gowns and just lounging around lazily, well mostly because thats all I can do and all my mother will allow me to. lol.

I was seriously not expecting me to lose weight, well I knew I'd lose, but I was looking at about maybe a 10lb loss my first weigh in.  So, it was nearly time for me to get dressed and head off to the docs and I put on a pair of my spandex pants that I use to work out in and a shirt.  At first I couldn't tell, but my mother walked in my room as I was putting on my shirt and as I pulled it down, it actually went farther down on my hips than it normally hung, I looked right into the mirror and I could see a HUGE difference.  I couldn't believe it.  My mom stood at my door and cried with me.  She couldn't had been more happier for me than even me.
I weighed in at my docs office at 421.5  that is a 25.4lbs weight loss in 10 days.

My mother had the surgery 3 years ago and she was really big, so she has a lot of hanging skin and its been causing her some problems.  I feel really bad for my mother though because she just got a letter back from her insurance denying her plastic surgery.  I almost and nearly feel selfish in a way?    Only because  I know even though I weigh more than 400lbs I have a pretty tight and put together body and I'm young and I'll most likely go back together better than she did and I sort of feel like her tears were of MOSTLY joy for me and sorrow for her.
I don't know how to describe it but it saddens me.  I have had a hard life the last 7 years being in and out of the hospital and my mother has been my ROCK and has bent over backwards for me for everything.  I just feel like sorry that theres nothing that I can do.  What can I do?  Who can I confide with to find her some way to have plastic done.  Its not fare...
I would take back having my WLS if I could have her plastic surgery done.
=0(  So overall today has been a happy sad moment for me and I'm just emotionally all over the place.

Lady Q

Hey all of you wonderful people who have been keeping up with me.

I'd like to let you all know that I have had my surgery on Oct. 23rd and had a full and speedy recovery.  My surgeon is a wonderful man, very kind, very sweet, understanding, concerned and hopeful....  =0)

I just want you to all know I went home two days later and am doing well, I have minimal bruising, little pain and moving around quite well.

My liquid and protein shake intake is fantastic accourding to the size of my pouch and I have hopes that I'll be doing quite well.

I want to put forth special Thanks to MOM, she is the most beautiful women out there and is so hopeful and helpful with helping me.
I don't think I could have asked for a more better person in my life.  She already has so much on her plate and yet she selflessly does everything for me.

I LOVE YOU MOM!!


I'll keep you all informed as time goes on.

Hello Lovelies.......

I'm sure about now you can just about hear the excitement ooozing from me =0)

If so, I very well have a reason to be.   One week from today, Oct. 23rd is my surgery day.  I will be going under the knife of Paul Carter, M.D. and I couldn't ask for a better surgeon.  He is remarkably sweet and very kind, but most of all a very concerned person and always watching out for your wellbeing.   I'm also very aquainted with him because three years from Nov. 3rd, he did bypass surgery on my mother. 

I have so much to talk about my journey to get to where I am at today, so come sometime next week before My surgery date I will be video blogging my progression on YOUTUBE.   If you want to follow along and subscribe to me, just follow my link.  See you all there --- on the other side. =0)

www.youtube.com/qxtroidinare

Hello my dear OBH family,

I'd like to thank all those who are my friends and those who have responded on my blog and have helped me with encouragement and keeping me positive about the things in life we should all be grateful for.

For those who have been following my progression to having Bypass surgery, you would know that I have been persuing it now for over 4 years.....  I have gone through a few surgeons who have been not so kind to me as well as some other people who run the bariatric clinic at [censored]. ( I choose not to disclose these people for it would not be right nor with it be right of me whether or not they are wrong).
So.... 9/18/08 at 9am I gave my surgeons office a call to check up on the progress of my packet that was sent to my insurance company. For nearly a month is how long they have been processing my folder, I was told that they were still looking at it, so I discouragely said thank you and went on about my business.   Aorund 12:13pm that same day, I got a call from the office and I got the best news that any person could get.  I got APPROVED.... Yes!   Squealing like a new born piglet, I went histarical. lol......  I wanted to run a marathon just that very moment.  

I go for my next visit Oct 3rd to determine what I have already lost and has it been enough for my surgeon to do surgery.  If so, I will be setting my date then.  

God Bless everyone who has prayed for me and has kept faith
I thank you all.

I have waited long enough.  Its been about three weeks now that TriCare has had my packet.  I hadn't gotten a call from my doctors office yet to tell me anything ..... So I will be picking up the phone tomorrow morning and asking what the situation is.

I am scared to ask, but if I don't... I'll just continue to be waiting

wish me luck

Ack!!

Someone please help me channel some of my frustration and worries into another direction....

Its been a four year voyage for me tyring to have my surgery.
About two weeks ago we sent out my packet to my Insurance company.
nervessssssssssssssssssssssss........
Then a note comes back.
Ack~  they need more.
Lets see, If I recall when I gave my packet, it had everything accouding to the check off list..... so why more?  People constantly lose things.. This ercks me so much.  So without a missed step, I carry on
Thyroid Labs
Syke Evaluation
Nutrition Evaluation
and
Stress Test

Bam. on their desk in two days.  Packet goes back out.... now its the deadly and sinful act of waiting...
The intensity of the wait is eating me up from the core
To be so close and so far at the same time and perhaps a
never ending fight to end this war with obesity awaits me.

I know this all seems like a random thing, its just the way I write when I do poetry.... and today I'm not really into just putting things down in a normal format, more like ranting. But its whatever...

Wait
Wait
Waiting
Wated
Waiting

waiting........................
*sigh*

Sorry you guys for not being around....

Well here's the good, the bad and the maybe's

The good is, my doc approved me to have surgery.  He's said he's going to do me and that I will have to start my ''' before surgery program''' with the protein whey stuff and water only to clense my system and shrink my liver...

The maybe....
My paper work has been sent out to my insurance company, but I'm not sure if they'll approve me. Thats whats scary. I've worked so hard to get to this point. I'd be a rampaging women if they didn't approve me.  I'll let you guys know who they are AFTER they do though. lol...

The Bad....
I gained more weight. I'm back at 456.  ick.  That strict diet thing i was on back in January about killed me.  I was feeling so lathargic and underfed.  My mind was being suppressed and depression set in.

So.... im on my doc's weight program thing.  In two weeks I have to weigh in. As soon as I hit 'his' goal weight for me.  I can put in for my surgery date. Well thats if my insurance company approves.  

so.. until then. I'll keep you guys POSTED!!

Hey Everybody. 
Just keeping you up on my regume.....

Well, in order for me to have my surgery I know for sure I have to be under the BMI of 60.   Currently I am at BMI 61.6, I weigh 454lbs.  In January I started at 463lbs.... went on a strict eating diet sort of kinda thingy and dropped like 25lbs in a month and 3 weeks.  Sense my trip to Hawaii, its apparent that I have gained weight back.  I kind of fell off the strict diet, but didn't exactly give it all in ya know?  like i still stayed away from soda, sugars, and fast food.  

My next appt. with my surgeon will be on the first of July.  So I have till then to lose weight and get to my goal of 440lbs which will put me at the BMI of 59. If I can get below that still even more, than more power to me, but theoretically in that amount of time, I would be asking to be a anorexic or at least have the symptoms.  So... I'm going to do it healthy, do it right and get to where I'm suppose to be. 

I wont' stress if I dont get to 440 because its just an appt to send away my approval to my insurance company, meaning I'll still have time to lose even more weight while waiting for an answer.  So yeah me. Can't wait.