Clarissa A.

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I am 4 months out today and I can hardly believe it. Time flies!!! 
I remember feeling awful at the beginning and chanting "this too shall pass" while having breakdowns/crying fits.
Today I feel good!!!! I am wearing  dress and looking forward to seeing my family for a Graduation party tonight. I am obsessed with food labels and so are my children, we are learning to eat healthy and everyday brings more energy.
Granted, I still have bad days and I have gone thru a couple of stalls but I am hanging in there and sticking to the rules. I am finally at a place where I can say no matter what I have been thru I LOVE MY RNY!!!!!
My only regret = I should have had it sooner

I take pictures and I see the difference but when I look in the mirror I see no change. My mind is playing tricks on me.
My aunt, whom I hadn't seen since 1 week after my surgery, came over for dinner on Saturday. I had to run out to the store to get more cheese so she was already at my house when I got back. I walked in the door and she didn't recognize me.
It is so surreal to me because I look in the mirror and see same ole me
Does this happen to you???

So I went for my 3 month follow up on the 17th and I left feeling kinda empty(for lack of better word).
I had a bunch of questions and I felt like they were all dismissed and I still have no answers

I have researched alot of them on this site and got good feedback but I feel like my surgeon should have been open to discuss. Pre-surgery he was very involved and would take his time to answer questions but now it seems like he is no longer interested. IDK, but I can't help but feel cheated

I had not seen him since my surgery, I saw the NP(male) when I had the Stricture issues and after the repairs I saw his colleague - a female surgeon. I found the NP and his colleague to be much more helpful but I dont know if I can schedule my appointments with them moving forward.

I honestly don't feel like I want to go back and see my surgeon in August - what's the point if he is going to dismiss my questions and concerns and make it seem like it is all in my head?

Going to a Latin WLS Support Group tonight!!!! It is so awesome that they actually thought of this and I get to practice my Spanish (believe it or not, I lose more of it as the weeks go by and I dont use it ).
I am looking forward to talking to people about the food, I am having such a hard time finding alternatives and ways of making it even a lil bit healthier for me and my family

WHY oh WHY do we have to get this visit every month? I don't want it, tell her that I will not be home so don't come knocking at my door

I want cookies or a brownie or a slice of Strawberry Shortcake
I won't, I wont do it - I have come too far and I am only 40lbs away from goal.
Doesn't help that the weather has been terrible and I can't go for my daily lunch walk..... what to do, what to do. I have a whole entire hour to fill so that I don't start mindlessly snacking. Maybe I will go walk around Marshalls and look at all the skinny girl clothes - THAT should whip me into shape.

Wish me luck, the next couple of days are gonna be killer with these cravings

Thanks for letting me ramble

So I took my mom and aunt to the mall a couple of days ago and I realized that it is no longer as fun for me. Not becasue I haven't lost weight, I am doing well in that area but figuring out my new body has me truely CONFUNGLED. I still go for the same style clothing that I have at home and frankly, my new body does not cater to them.
I used to wear a XXL from Old Navy. I tried on a dress that was form-fitting in an XL and it was big. That was exciting but then the L is still too tight - so, no dress for me. So I am kicking up my exercise so that I can break this plateau and lose these 50 lbs and reach goal. Until then safety pins to hold up my clothes it is. I give up on shopping until then

I haven't been gettting much sleep and it's really getting to me. My attitude sucks and I feel very negative about everything. It doesn't help that my finace lost his job and we are in serious financial turmoil, but I keep telling myself so are alot of other people in the country and I should be thankful for our blessings.
Then I stepped on the scale this morning and it says  that I gained 2 lbs . Seriously?!?!?!?! My stress level is thru the roof, my stomach is in knots and I can barely even think of food and I GAINED 2 lbs!

I know that I need to get more calories in and I am trying - if only I could stop gagging and vomiting everything I try to eat. I find that my taste buds are extremely hormonal. What works todya doesn't work tomorrow. I can't even really bring dinner lefovers for lunch because they don't tast right the following day.

I am definitely "down in the dumps" as my 10 yr old son would say. I really don't want to be in a funk, but the more I try to pull myself out - the worse I feel. Mind you, I have never been the crying type and was taught that it is a sign of weakness but all I want to do is bawl my eyes out every other hour .

The only good thig so far today is that I was able to get my Protein shake down without pulling over to vomit and I am thankful for that.

Thanks for letting me vent
xoxo
Cecee

I went to a support group yesterday and I can't express how glad I am that I went. I had been feeling so alone and I just really needed to talk to people who can understand what I am going thru. Not that my family hasn't been supportive.
I am definitely going to make it a point to attend more often. I woke up this morning with a lil extra pep in my step

I am finally starting to feel better and I finally received my ZUMBA DVDs so tonight, IT'S ON!!!!

Made it thru my first week back to work, mind you I started on Wednesday
I am sooooooo tired, all I want to do is - go home, hug my luveys and crash on my bed. They had a Birthday Celebration and my Supervisor purchased 3 cakes! I stayed at my desk reading a magazine what I really wanted to do was  but I made it - unscarred lol

I am finding that my taste buds are very different, everything tasted funny. I had cheddar cheese and Turkey and it was awful! Why does everything taste slimy?!?!?!? Oh and it smells funny too

So I had a Stricture repaired last Tuesday and I was feeling great, so Sunday morning I got up to make my boys breakfast and all of a sudden I get a "hot flash" everything starts spinning and I dropped to the floor. I called my Surgeons office Monday morning and was sent to the ER. As I was registering with the nurse, it happened again. 3 bags of fluid later and 2 GINORMEOUS Potassium pills later I go home. Pale and tired as ever but home.
It is now Wednesday and I am back to work. I have a desk job so it hasnt been too bad but I do feel faint when I get up from my chair. I know that I am not getting enough calories in. It took 3 hours to drink a Protein shake! Now I am starting my yogurt - which I LOVE but that puts me at 320 calories for today so far. Any suggestions?