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I weighed in  yesterday at 155 pounds!  This is me?  I haven't even worked out in 2 months (shame on  me).  This Summer has just been so active and I can't seem to get up to go running in the morning but come Fall, I need to get back on a workout routine. 

On the 14th of this month I will celebrate my surgeraversary.  What a difference a year makes.  Not only in regards to the surgery but my life in general.  This year, my daughter has been in remission from cancer, there are less and less doctor's visits, I'm back at work after 2 years of being a stay at home mom, I can pay my bills, I got out of a bad relationship, I've connected with old friends, I ran a half marathon, I've lost 106 pounds...I'm having an AMAZING year!  I don't attribute all of my good fortune to WLS.  Although, it has a lot to do with the overall improvements in my life, my own will, motivation and drive is what really changed my life for the better. 

For those of you pondering WLS, just know that it doesn't cure your problems.  Even though I am pleased with my weight loss, there's the excess saggy skin that comes with the weight loss.  I haven't dated in almost 3 months because I'm ashamed of what my body looks like...the thought of that guy wanting to get intimate at some point deters me from even getting to know men.  I used to be a social butterfly but now I'm more reserved because I don't want any men to know I'm available.  Its just part of the process, it's things that I have to work on because plastic surgery is not in my budget now and I don't know when or if I will ever be able to afford it.  Regardless, of what I'm going through now with my insecurities...I know that WLS was the best decision for me and I have NO regrets. 

Good luck to all of you who are embarking on this journey or have recently had surgery.  Just know that it's a tool and you need to use it to your advantage.

So this week marks my 100lbs. lost since the day of surgery 8-14-07.  I currently weigh 161.  I had a 10 month visit with the surgeon last week and she had nothing but kind and inspiring words for me.  I do appreciate Dr. Giovanni, she's amazing!  

I did complete my half marathon last month in under 3 hours as I had hoped.  I've continued to run but not as often as when I was training.  I have to admit that I'm ok with my weight.  I times, I feel that if I don't lose another pound...I'm good...I've felt this way when I weighed 170.  But a tiny part of me wants to know what  it feels like to say I weigh one fifty something.

It's amazing 100/one hundred pounds in 10 months! there's no way I would have been able to do this with out the gastric bypass surgery and other supports.  Thank you God

I DID IT!!! I weighed in yesterday at 178lbs.  instead of joining that class, i bought a pair of shoes from Aldo that I've had an eye on for about a month.  Hey they cost me $90 that's almost a dollar for every pound i've lost so far. Down 83 lbs. in 7 months.  Next goal...hmmm. Have to think about this one.

I've passed my goal for this month.  I weigh 188 and I've been working out 6 days a week.  I signed up for the Leukemia and Lymphoma society's team in training program and I plan on running a half marathon on May 4th.  I jogged 5 miles yesterday during the TNT group run outdoors and i jogged 3 miles this morning on the treadmill at the gym.  Six months ago, I didn't know i would be able to do this.  I knew that I wanted to but to actually be here feels great.  New goal for March 12th is to weigh 179 and start that sports conditioning class at Bally's that I've been too self conscious to join.

ONEDERLAND...i'm here and i'm never leaving.  My weight this morning was 198.  The last time i was at this weight was eleven years ago and I think it was only for 5 minutes before i went right back into the 200's.  But not this time.  My goal for the end of February is to be 189.  I'm sure i'll encounter some plateau so I want to be mentally prepared and realistic. I have no pants that fit me really well, everything is too big and that's including size 14 pants.  I don't want to go shopping again.  It seems like such a waste of money.  But I have almost no flattering clothes for work.  Going out, on the other hand...I have these 2 MINI dresses that I've worn and have gotten plenty of compliments on.  BTW, Target has these great tights, the brand name is "assets".  It sucks everything in, I would not be able to wear these mini dresses with out them.  With that said, I know I'm beginning to look awesome in clothes but naked is a whole other story.  I literally look like I'm melting and it's disgusting.  I'm going to start going to the gym atleast 3 times a week I hope this helps. 

01/03/08 - 200  I've lost a total of 61 lbs since 08/14/07(surgery date).  I wanted to ring in the new year in ONEderland but this will do.  I just keep thinking, in a few months I could be 180.  I don't think I've ever been in the 180's in my life.  I think I went right from like 160 at age 12 to over 200 by the time I was 16 years. old.  Shopping is a trip to.  I can't believe that I fit into clothes at regular size stores...it trips me up.

I'm still obsessed with the scale...I weigh myself pretty much everyday.  Today I weighed in at 206!  For some reason I'm losing more weight than usual but I'm not complaining.  Since my sugery in August, I typically lose about 2 lbs a week(except for the first 2 weeks post op). But in less than 2 weeks I've lost 6lbs. It would be amazing to lose another 7 by January 1, 08.  That way I can enter the new year weighing less than 200.  

I must admit, I don't work out the way I'm supposed to after having this kind of surgery.  I used to work out more pre-op.  I'm lucky if a get in 15 minutes of cardio in a week.  But my goal before the end of the year, which is pretty much like with in the next 2 weeks is to join a gym and to actually go.  I want to gain some muscle. Even though I now wear a size 14 jeans (never before in my life) my skin is what scares me most.  I will definitly need plastic surgery but I don't know where that money is going to come from.  I wear a size 14!!!! At my heaviest I wore a size 28, pre op I was squeezing into a 20/18 when I should've really been wearing a 22.  

Shopping is like the scariest thing for me.  I don't know which stores to go into. Cause I've NEVER shopped in regular size stores so I don't know wear to begin and I get so overwhelmed.  Like the other day when I bought the size 14 jeans, it was hard to wrap my mind around my 16s keep falling and I need new jeans but when i got into the dressing room with the 14 jeans.  I thought I was dreaming and when the pant leg actually went up my thigh without me having to jump up and down a few times, I actually had to check the size again.  I thought to myself in a few months, I could actually be in a 12. NEVER IN MY LIFE DID I ACTUALLY BELIEVE THAT THIS COULD HAPPEN TO ME. THAT I COULD SHOP IN A NORMAL SIZE STORE AND IT NOT BE A STRUGGLE TO GET THE CLOTHES TO FIT. PRAISE TO YOU LORD JESUS CHRIST.

I celebrated my 30th birthday last week and I felt great.  I weighed in at 212 and on the morning of my birthday.  I originally was aiming for 205 but I'll take 212.  Then as if it couldn't get any better, I weighed in at 209 this morning.  I had an awsome time out with my friends this weekend.  I had great confidence which caught the eyes of several men.  I can't wait until New Years.

08/14/07- 261lbs. morning of surgery
08/21/07- 251
08/28/07- 241 
09/04/07- 240
09/11/07- 240
09/18/07- 238 finally a loss!
09/25/07- 235
10/02/07- 233
10/09/07- 227
10/17/07- 228 down 33 lbs, haven't been walking  since starting new job.  Going to try no carbs after 4pm.
10/23/07 - 225 cut back on carbs
10/30/07 - 222
11/06/07 - 220
11/13/07 - 218
11/20/07 - 216
11/27/07 - 214
12/11/07 - 209
12/27/07 - 204
02/28/08 - 184  I can't believe this is me!  I've never been in the 180's ever!!! Plus, I'm a size 10
03/03/08 - 182
03/13/08 - 178

So I'm 7 weeks out today and weighed in at 233lbs. this morning, which sucks.  I had my period a couple of days ago and weighed 231 two days in a row.  
I have to be honest with myself.  I haven't done any exercise this week.  I've been busy interviewing for my old job and looking for a wardrobe and being lazy and vegging out in front of the t.v. during my free time that I havent' been going for my walks.  I've also started planning my daughter's "end of chemotherapy" party which will be held in November.  I want it to be perfect.  But my cash situation isn't great so I'm glad I got the job and I'll be starting on Tues. the 9th.  I can't believe I havent' worked in over 2 years.  
So much is happening all at once. First, the surgery, then Chezney ended chemo and is in remission, next the breakup, quitting school and making the decision not only to go back to work but to return to my old job and now planning this party and I'll be celebrating my 30th b-day in December and I want to do something fun.  I deserve it.  

I went to get a tarot reading this morning and she said that I would be moving out of my house soon and that I will be meeting a good looking, muscular man with dark skin and he's the one I may be moving in with.  Makes me think she's out of it because I have no intentions on dating anyone for a long time.  I don't want to introduce my daughter to any men.  My only wish is that one day I'll be able to experience the feeling of falling head over heels in love with someone.

10-02-07 My how things change in only a matter of months