LaurieBK
FIRST ANNIVERSARY! Thursday, October 11th 2007
Oct 11, 2007
Hi there, everyone! Well, today is my ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY (if you go by weeks – 52 weeks today!) I guess I can say that tomorrow, October 12th, is my First Re-Birthday! What a fantastic ride this has been! So many emotions – pride, elation, wonder, and yes, even fear. I’ll try to explain without getting to wordy – which I know I tend to do.
For some basics, I have officially lost 150 pounds – almost half of my entire body. Wow! I started this journey weighing 318 pounds on the day of my surgery. I now weigh 168 pounds. I am wearing size 8 jeans and slacks and medium tops. Never in my wildest fantasies did I ever think this would be possible. I am so proud of what I’ve been able to accomplish. Even if I never lose another pound, what an achievement this has been. I hope to never look back, but that’s where the ‘fear’ comes in. I’m so frightened that it could creep back on. I do get hungry and have to be very careful about the dreadful 'grazing.' I’ll fight it every day for the rest of my life and hopefully, it’s a battle I’ll continue to conquer. But that fear will always be there. Maybe it’s a good thing – perhaps the fear will keep me ever vigilant. The scales can be viscious sometimes – I can go up and down as much as four pounds in just a couple of days. But I know that is to be expected. When I’m on the up side, I feel so HUGE! When it’s down, I’m elated. This will always be both an emotional as well as a physical battle. It is, though, one that I am willing to fight. I’m actually beginning to think I’m worth it!
Now I’d like to share my one year anniversary “WOW” moments with you. I’m sure you’ll all empathize with me……..
SIZE 8 jeans – and they are a little baggy on me in the thigh area. Size 8 – I can’t stop saying it to myself. I may even be able to fit in a few stretchy 6 jeans.
- Medium tops and blouses. Medium. Whoa!
- Size 7 rings fit my ring finger now. I can actually by rings right out of the case without their having to be sized to 10s or 11s.
- My legs/thighs don’t rub together up top anymore. I can actually wear corduroy pants without the fear of starting a brush fire!! I even have that little space at the top of my legs where you can see all the way through because I’m not touching there. The silly things we are amazed at!
- My size 12 skirts from June fall off! What will I ever do with all these summer skirts I bought this year – I really thought I would settle into a 12. But I’m wearing size 10s and 8s in skirts – from Talbots! Thank God for eBay!
- My high school class ring fits again for the first time in 24 years!
- I can wear my 18 year old daughter’s American Eagle jeans – and they’re too big!! I’m just not telling her!
- Speaking of jeans, I bought a pair of size 8 Harley Davidson jeans – to go with my brand new 2008 Harley Davidson Custom Sportster! My treat to myself!
- I sometimes now wear my shirts tucked in to my pants. At least until I just can’t stand it anymore and feel that I look awful – those old thoughts about yourself don’t go away easily.
- I’m wearing belts!
- I don’t worry as much if my shirt isn’t pulled down in the back all the way to cover my rotund ass.
- Free airfare! All I need to do is lift my arms in a windstorm and I could land pretty much anywhere in the continental Look out Oz, here I come! If I flap the belly skin, wonder if I could make it to
Hawaii ……hhhmmmmmmm……. - I don’t worry anymore whether a waitress is going to show me to a table or a booth.
- My shoe size has gone down – who knew that would happen?
- My self confidence and self esteem have gone up. I didn’t know that would happen either.
- And the biggest Wow moment of all – yesterday I was walking my normal route on my road. Someone who lives along the mile stretch was also walking. She stopped me and told me that I had been an inspiration to her during this past year so she had started walking. She had watched me walking and thought I looked great. Me! The only inspiration I thought I had ever given was to the Utz Potato Chip people – with me as a customer, they always strived to make bigger, fattier, saltier potato chips because they knew I would buy them! This stranger has no idea what she did for my self esteem last night!
And the burning question is, would I do it again? Damn right I would. And not change a minute – except do it sooner and perhaps keep my hair. It did get pretty thin there for awhile, but it’s coming back in now. This time next year, I’ll have my thick mane back I’m sure.
Surgical complications/problems have been low. I have been having some abdominal pain lately, but we really don’t think its related to the gastric bypass. Probably an old pancreatic problem or could possibly be irritable bowel syndrome. They’re looking into it but I’m not too worried. I see my surgeon, Dr. Michael Schweitzer, on Monday and I’m anxious to see what he has to say. I’m hoping he’ll be pleased with my progress.
So seekers of knowledge, don’t hesitate and don’t spend too much time second guessing yourselves. If you are in the research stage, keep at it. Read, read, read and then read some more. This is not a decision to be made lightly. Although it is a fantastic tool, it is only just that. You will still need to be committed and work your ass off. But with as much ass as I had, believe me, I could spare a pound or hundred! If you’ve decided to go through with weight loss surgery and your scared – well, good. You’re supposed to be – it’s normal. But keep reminding yourself of what you will be a year out from your surgery. And honestly, there’s no way you can even begin to think of where you will be one year after. I’m already 20 pounds less than I had ever even come close to hoping for. When it kept coming off, I thought about how neat it would be to call myself normal for the first time in my adult life. Although it may not be by much, I’m there with a BMI of 24.8!
I want to thank everyone at ObesityHelp – staff and readers alike. This is a fantastic site for information as well as support and you are what helped push me off the decision edge. The before and after pictures were so inspirational to me. I could look at them for hours every night and many evenings found me crying over them – especially the ones where the obesity survivor (that's what I call myself now) started out weighing about the same as I did. There are so many people who deserve my gratitude – Linda especially who was always there supporting me as well as all my other ‘buddies.’ My surgeon and other supportive and caring doctors. My family and friends and my 'special' friend. Every word of encouragement will stay dear to my heart. Take care out there and I will be back! I love every moment of life now and don’t stay in front of the computer too much these days, but I think of everyone often!
Obesity Survivor -- Laurie
Sunday, July 22nd, 2007 -- 38 Weeks Post Op
Jul 22, 2007
Now, for problems, issues and etc. Honestly, I have had very, very few. I am currently experiencing some abdominal discomforts after eating sometimes, but it does go away. I'll visit my surgeon, Dr. Schweitzer, tomorrow for an opinion. It could be a multitude of things I suppose. I wonder if its not just my pre-existing pancreatic condition flaring up. Dr. S seems to wonder if it's perhaps an ulcer........maybe I'm getting overzealous and not chewing my food well enough. I'm not able to detect a pattern, so I'm just not sure. It doesn't matter what I eat. I'm sure an upper endoscopy is in my near future and that's okay. This is a very minor bump in the road to success. I've seen and heard some people who have had a very difficult time. If I had to go back 7 months and ask myself if I wanted to go through this again, my answer would be ABSOLUTELY YES! No doubts, no looking back! This is the best thing I've ever done for me......just me. Yeah, there were other people and reasons that influenced my decision, but mostly, I did it for me. Frankly, I want to live. I am 41 and my life was becoming very limited at 318 pounds. And, I was so sad and depressed all the time because I couldn't do things that I wanted to do. I could barely move, let alone be active. And now, my life is so different. I'm outside everyday, doing some sort of activity or another......working in my garden (you should see my tomatoes and gourds!), working in my flower beds, riding MY motorcycle! And, not to even mention how much more able I am to enjoy my kids! I hope to never look back. I can never allow myself to once again be what I was......hopefully, with a lot of hard, life-time work, this surgery has provided me with the tool to achieve just that.
Other little interesting tidbits include the inevitable comments by people telling me I need to stop losing. When I tell them I still have 13 or so pounds to go, they look aghast! So, I now tell people that I'm sort of heading into maintenance mode.....which is not altogether untrue. As I said, I would be fine with where I'm at, but a few more would be nice. I imagine Dr. S will have something to say about it tomorrow anyway and he'll guide me about what more I need to lose.
And, for the interesting notes............no, it's not very pretty under clothes. But you know what, I was never interested in visiting a nudist colony anyway! I suppose in the perfect world, I would be able to afford plastic surgery. I would need it just about everywhere -- tummy, thighs, arms, butt, boobs (!), and even what I've seen some people refer to as a saddle lift -- don't ask! But, I can't afford it and insurance would never pay for it. So I'm learning to be grateful for what I've achieved and not worry about the little imperfections I have.....afterall, who out there is perfect anyway?
Well gang, I suppose I've written enough to bore you tonight. If Dr. S has anything profound to say, I'll be sure to post again this week. Other than that, I'll try to post in the coming weeks as the weight continues to come off. I have posted new pictures. At first I didn't see much difference but I seem to look more defined than the last set of pictures. And, I do look old, but hopefully my body will catch up with the weight loss. I'm certainly not going to allow myself to gain weight in order to re-plump my face!
Lastly, I wanted to thank every one out there for their support. We definintely feed off of each other and any comments you all leave are so appreciated. This is such a wondorous journey and one that should not be taken alone. I wish everyone the best of luck no matter where you are in your journey whether it be the research phase, immediately pre-op, or newly post-op. Take this step very seriously, research til the wee hours of the morning, and be joyful and gleeful when you decide. And ask lots of questions! It's a fantastic, exhilarating ride!
Friday, May 18th, 2007
May 18, 2007
Well I have good news to report. I have reached my next HUGE goal! I am UNDER 200 pounds! I now weigh 196. Never in my wildest dreams did I think this day would come. Really. I thought I would reach maybe 225 and that would be about it. But, that was not to be the case. I was stuck for quite a while but then as in the past, it started falling off this week. I've dropped 8 pounds in the past week alone. My BMI of 28.9 puts me officially in the "overweight" range. No longer am I "obese" or "morbidly obese." With a little luck and a lot of hard work, I'll never hear those words again from a doc when they describe my body. I can't even begin to explain my emotions. I'm elated, overjoyed, scared, and in a little bit of shock. I just really didn't think it would happen for me. It's so surreal. I actually wore size 12 pants today. Yeah, they were probably a still a little too tight to wear, but I got them on. I bought a pair of size 12 Lee jeans last week and I was actually able to get them on although I'm sure the upper part of my body looked like a muffin oozing out of its cupcake paper. But, the point is I still got them on. I actually went on line and ordered more Lee jeans and pants in a size 12. I pray this doesn't sound too vain, but I feel so good about what I have been able to accomplish. I feel so wonderful health wise. It's unbelievable what I am able to do now and still feel great while doing it and afterwards. I can spend an entire day in my yard weeding my many flowerbeds and still have the energy to come in and make a large meal for my family, do a couple of loads of laundry, vacuum my entire house and mop my floors! I must say I love my new life and I hope to always remember how hard I've worked to get as far as I have and how absolutely miserable and sick I was before. I actually only have about 11 pounds to go before I reach my ultimate goal of 185 pounds. I visited my gynecologist today and she had a weight chart on her exam room wall.......according to that, the top of my ideal body weight range is 176 pounds. Who knows, maybe, just maybe, I'll actually be able to call myself 'normal' one day.....although most of my friends and family will tell you that I will never be 'normal!'
Little things I've noticed do make me laugh sometimes. I actually painted my own toe nails tonight. And I did so by bringing my foot up in the chair next to my butt to do it. Think about the 'wow' moment I had over that one. I also sit with my legs crossed 95% of the time now. I went for so many decades not being able to do this that I find myself relishing each moment I can do so now. And a size 12????!!!!! Oh my God! Who would have EVER thought it possible? I won't even allow myself to think about smaller sizes because I'm so happy with a 12. I actually saw my reflection in a freezer door in my supermarket this week and for the first time, I didn't turn away in disgust. I just looked at it, stopped, and thought "wow! is that really me??" You wouldn't believe the people who are now telling me I need to stop. But we all know that these types of comments are inevitable. When I still tell people I want to lose 20 or so pounds, they can't believe it. But then I remind them of exactly what is under these clothes and they get it! Believe me, it's not pretty under there! I've actually given some thought to plastic surgery lately. It would be nice to do something with these upper arms, boobs and belly. But one reason I push the thought away is that I know insurance wouldn't pay for it and I certainly can't afford it with my income. But that's okay. I'd rather have empty skin hanging around than I would fat-filled skin. The only other issue I have is that I'm really starting to look old in my face. Hopefully my body will adjust and catch up to the changes and it won't be as bad as it is now. You'll see what I mean in the pictures. Also, the hair loss has slowed significantly, but what is regrowing is totally white! Yikes! No more highlights for me......I've now graduated, as of today, to full blown color! Oh well......it's better than the alternative......not being here to have white hair!
I've added my recent weight chart for your reading enjoyment.....it's pretty impressive and I can't help but think I'm looking in on these numbers from someplace far away. Can it really be my numbers?
Thanks again to everyone for all your support. It has been truly inspirational and invaluable. Take care and drop me a line with any questions or comments!
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Beginning Weight
October 12th, 2006
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Current Weight
May 18th, 2007
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Lost?
7 Months PostOp
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Beginning Weight: 318 |
Current Weight: 196 |
122 lbs.
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Beginning BMI: 47.1
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Current BMI: 28.9
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17.8
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Neck: 17.5”
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Neck: 14”
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3.5”
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Chest: 51”
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Chest: 41”
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10”
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Waist: 54”
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Waist: 38”
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16”
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Hips: 58.5”
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Hips: 41.5”
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17”
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Upper Thigh: 31”
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Upper Thigh: 23.5”
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7.5”
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Calf: 19”
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Calf: 16.5”
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2.5”
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Ankle: 11.5
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Ankle: 9.75”
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1.75”
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Upper Arm: 20”
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Upper Arm: 14.75”
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5.25”
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Wrist: 7.5”
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Wrist: 6.5”
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1”
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Shirt Size: 26 or XXXL
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Shirt Size: 14
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7 Sizes
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Pant Size: 26/28
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Pant Size: 12/14
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8 Sizes
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TOTAL INCHES LOST:
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64.5”
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Monday, April 23rd, 2007
Apr 23, 2007
Hi friends!
Well, the scare is over! The petechiae faded and has not returned. Hopefully, it was just a fluke. Dr. Schweitzer (my surgeon) advised that if it didn't subside, he wanted to see me but in the meantime, I was to see my primary doc. He saw me right away when he heard what was going in. He checked me pretty good. No organ enlargement that he could detect and apparently all my blood work came back okay. I still haven't seen the actual results yet, but I've been assured they're okay. So that's sort of double good news! Nothing serious going on AND my labs are okay.
On the up note, I'm up to 113 pounds lost. I'm at 205 now. Absolutely incredible when I think that it's only been six months. I'm actually within 20 pounds of my own personal goal. Wow! Now my surgeon would like to see me lose another 35 pounds. But to be honest, I'm not going for the super model look. I'll be THRILLED with getting to 185......anything more will just be an added bonus. When I started this journey, I was wearing a 26/28 size pant. I am now in size 14 jeans and slacks and may actually be able to make the jump to size 12 someday.
Anyway, I just wanted to stop by and yell Hi! to everyone. I'll post again when I reach that ever elusive onderland. Believe me, when I reach 199.9, I will be shouting loud enough that everyone will know! Maybe I'll post new pictures then!
Take care everyone and happy losing my friends!
Wednesday, April 11th, 2007 -- Potential Complication???
Apr 11, 2007
Well I always promised to be completely honest so here goes! I'm not really worried, but others are so I thought I would 'report' to everyone. Monday night after enjoying a FANTASTIC day enjoying my beloved Orioles win their home opener, I came home and laid down because of a little headache. When I got up, I looked in my bathroom mirror and had this horrible rash (or what I initially thought was a rash) all over my neck, chest, around my eyes and along my hairline. Well, the more I looked, I realized it was petechiae.....this is a rupture of capillaries. Can be a symptom of something major going on, but hopefully it's a fluke. Could be a host of things......low platelet count, Vitamin B12 deficiency (which would be logical with my underlying perniscious anemia), a problem with my spleen or something more concerning like Lupus or even worse (leukemia). But, honestly I'm not worried about it. Just a minor inconvenience. I e-mailed Dr. S and he really didn't seem too concerned but did ask that I check with my primary care physician and get back with him. Well, my primary doc was a little more concerned, but always tends to err on the side of caution which is fine with me. He wanted me to go to our local hospital and have immediate blood work drawn, but I was able to convince him that 12 more hours wouldn't make much of a difference and I would go in the morning. So, I'm off to the lab first thing in the morning to have stat blood work drawn. Hopefully, I'll have most results by tomorrow afternoon. The only clinker in all this is that if my platelet count is dangerously low, I will have to cancel my Basic Rider Safety Course for this weekend. It would be too dangerous and could be life threatening if I would take a fall off of the motorcycle. But, we'll see what the tests say......I've so looked forward to this class for months now!
On a really great up note, I have lost more weight for a total loss of 109 pounds. Only another couple of points on the ol' BMI chart and I'll only be considered overweight instead of obese or the dreaded category of morbid obesity! All in all, still worth every minute. If this is a minor complication from the bypass, I still wouldn't change a thing and I'll consider myself lucky.
I'll check in tomorrow night and let ya'll know the results! Take care!
Monday, April 2, 2007
Apr 02, 2007
I think that's all for my update. Keep plugging way out there. It's one incredible journey that I wouldn't trade for the world! I love to think that everyone could experience this euphoria! Take care!
Thursday, March 29th, 2007 -- CENTURY CLUB MEMBER! 100 POUNDS
Mar 29, 2007
OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've done it, I've actually done it! I HAVE LOST 100 POUNDS! I can't believe it. It's like a dream come true. I have posted some new pics and they really do prove the weight loss. I actually cried this morning after I got on the scale and when I went back and looked at my pre-op pictures. That was a different person and definitely, a different life. I must admit, maybe for the first time in my life, I'm proud of myself. I am an official member of the "Century Club!" If someone out there can tell me how to get one of those great Century Club Cards on my blog, I would really appreciate it! I actually did a measurement chart today and hope it conveys to my blog. Along with the 100 pounds lost, I have also lost a total of 54.25 inches. Incredible! I've lost the equivalent of my 13 year old son! October 12, 2006 March 31, 2007 – 5 ½ Months Out Lost? Beginning Weight: 318 lbs Current Weight: 218 lbs 100 lbs. Beginning BMI: 47.1 Current BMI: 32.5 14.6 Neck: 17.5” Neck: 15” 2.5” Chest: 51” Chest: 42.5” 8.5” Waist: 54” Waist: 40” 14” Hips: 58.5” Hips: 44.5” 14” Upper Thigh: 31” Upper Thigh: 25" 6” Calf: 19” Calf: 17” 2” Ankle: 11.5” Ankle: 10" 1.5” Upper Arm: 20” Upper Arm: 15.5" 4.5” Wrist: 7.5” Wrist: 6.75” 1.25" Shirt Size: 26/28 Shirt Size: 14/16 5 Sizes Pant Size: 26 W Pant Size: 16 5 Sizes TOTAL POUNDS LOST: 100
TOTAL INCHES LOST: 54.25”
I have an appointment with my surgeon on Monday for a six month follow up. I anxious to see what he has to say. Probably not much, but it really doesn't matter because I'm thrilled. I could kick myself for not doing this years sooner. I'm just glad I didn't waste any more of my life the way I was.
Honestly, I really did cry when I looked back at my prep-op pictures. I can't believe I let myself get that unhealthy and downright horrible looking. I have to say I looked downright gross and disgusting. Oh boy, wouldn't a therapist pick that one apart! But that's okay. I'm feeling so much better about myself now. It's amazing how great I feel about myself and the boost this has given my self esteem and self confidence. So much is different now, but believe me, not all is good. It amazes me everyday the different way people in general, but most especially men, react to me now. They actually make eye contact with me now and smile. Wow! And, believe it or not, I'm not comfortable with it at all. Yeah, I'm flattered, but it sort of makes me a little mad because I'm still the same person. But I suppose I can understand why someone wouldn't give me a second glance when I looked like that. But it really doesn't matter........it makes me feel good, sure, but I'm still a one man woman and am very happy with my guy.
I will admit that the weight loss is much slower now, but seems to be steady. I plateau every couple of weeks, then seem to drop 5 pounds suddenly. The only problem I face right now is the hair loss. It is still pretty significant and hopefully it will slow down soon. Either that or I'll just go bald and won't have to worry about it! Just call me Brittany Spears! I am doing better with my vitamins and biotin. Hopefully this will all kick in soon and halt the hair loss.
On an up note, I'll be enjoying my motorcycle riding basics course in a couple of weeks. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I'll get my license and be a free bird!
I'm sure I'll be back on here this weekend.......I just can't seem to get too serious on here tonight. I'm too excited about the weight loss to get too deep in thought. Hopefully I have only 33 pounds to go! Enjoy your evening and thanks to everyone out their for all their support. I've met some great people on here and appreciate all their thoughts. If I've been able to give someone a glimmer of hope, thank you for allowing me to do so!
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Mar 13, 2007
Goal #1 was to hit 225 lbs. DONE!
Goal #2 was to get to my first 100 lbs lost -- only seven more pounds to reach this one!
Goal #3 is to be under 200 lbs. -- only 25 more pounds for that one.
Goal #4 is to be 185 lbs.! I will be so thrilled with 185 pounds. It would be so awesome if I could reach this one by my one year anniversary. And I think it could really happen. That would be 40 pounds over the next seven months. I think it's doable! Anything I lose after that mark is going to be a bonus!
I must say that I feel my whole outlook has changed. Although I see very little, if any, difference when I look in the mirror, I suppose I'm finally convinced that my scale isn't broken (I've gone through four thinking each one was broke). And reactions and comments from friends and co-workers are pooring in. My most recent past boss retired last June. At that point, I weighed 318 pounds. She came in to the office for a visit today. She saw me coming down the hall and it took a minute for it to register that it was me coming at her. Her reaction did so much for me. And my new boss is INCREDIBLY supportive. I think she tells me everyday how nice I look. I now she's trying to boost my self esteem and self confidence, but geez, it's so nice to hear. I have to say that I'm feeling so great both emotionally and physically and I NEVER want to go back. I'm going to fight so hard and I plan to win not just the battle, but the war!
I must admit to everyone though, that I'm not being the absolute perfect patient. I have a hard time with the vitamins and the 'smell' they excrete in my urine (I know, TMI!). But I am taking my B12 shots and calcium. And I've stepped up my Biotin. I must admit to everyone that yes, my hair is coming out like crazy. It has me a little bummed out and really worried, but if you asked me, I would answer yes -- if I had it to do over again I would have the surgery. I keep telling myself that the hair loss will stabilize in another month or two. Fortunately, it's not too noticeable because I had pretty thick hair to begin with. But if I lose too much more, it's really going to show. A new hairstyle may be a must for me for awhile! But I do calm myself down when I remember that it will come back. It will just take some time. I plan to ask my primary doc to check an albumin and prealbumin level on me in a couple of weeks -- this is the lab test that checks your protein level. I'm just trying really hard not to panic. IT WILL BE OKAY! And, it will come back. I hope.
I'm really anxious to hit my 100 pounds lost mark -- only 7 more pounds to go to hit that huge goal! I promise you I will post measurements and new pictures when I get there. Hopefully this will happen within the next three weeks, maybe sooner. I'm kind of anxious myself to see what my measurements will say.
Lastly, if you are reading this because you are contemplating this huge step in your life, I want you to feel free to contact me anytime. I assure you that it was the single best decision I have ever made for me. I feel great and I just know that I have added good, quality years to my life. I wish I had taken this step many years ago, but honestly, I just wasn't ready. I didn't think I would be happy with not being able to eat all those things I truly love. Now I'm finding that for the most part, I haven't really had to give them up -- just cut them way down. I was never much of a sweet eater, so they really don't bother me. And, some of the substitutes are pretty damn good. I've found a little dairy cream store in a local mall that has sugar-free, fat-free custard. Only 60 calories a serving and it is super YUMMY! Every now and then (twice since my surgery) I'll treat myself to that. I'm not saying this has been a walk in the park. I still get cravings, and I still overeat at times. It's not that I eat too much at one sitting because you're not able to do that after this surgery unless you love to spend a lot of time praying to the porcelain God, but it's very easy to fall back in to old habits and graze constantly. I suppose like any other addiction -- smoking, alcohol, drugs -- you have to take it one day at a time and constantly be on guard. Which I know I will be for the rest of my life, but that's okay. I'm here for the long haul anyway! Best wishes to everyone out there, especially all the great people I've met during this arduous, but wonderful, journey! I'll chat with you all in a couple of weeks after seven more ugly pounds have left me!
Sunday, February 11th 2006
Feb 11, 2007
I admit, people are really starting to take notice. I saw someone today that hasn't seen me since before the surgery and she really did an obvious double-take. A couple of people last week reacted the same way. I really don't get it though. Other than the difference I see in my clothes, I see absolutely no difference when I look in the mirror. Honestly. I can also see it in reactions I get from people now. Even the love of my life is telling me different things now. He actually told me today that I looked "pretty." He said that I have a face to go with my body now......must be love because there's nothing pretty about this body! LOL! But he did so much for me by telling me those things. He's been pretty quiet about the whole ordeal and to have him say those things gives me more incentive than anything else. I didn't have this surgery for him, but believe me, he's reaping the benefits......if you know what I mean. And his unconditional love keeps me going. He really didn't want me to have the surgery and told me he loved me just the way I was. Problem was, I didn't love me. I despised me and was so tired of crying every morning when I'd look in the mirror. Now, if people make stupid comments about my size, I honestly just laugh at them. Why? Because for the first time in my life, I'm doing something about it. Makes all the difference in the world.
I did encounter my first 'bad' reaction to my weight loss yesterday. A friend (who happens to be heavy) asked me how much I've lost now and what size I'm in. Now, be mindful of the fact that I'm very careful not to 'boast' about the weight loss and sizes and such. I don't EVER want someone to feel bad about themselves. I know I always did whenever someone else would weight and brag. You just can't help but be jealous. Well she kept insisting that I tell her, so I did. She told me she was in a size 22 (which I used to dream about being in!). I told her I'd lost 82 lbs. and was just squeezing in to a size 16. Well, she said "Oh My God. There is no way that you are smaller than me." Ouch. I just let it go because like I said, I know just how she feels. You never want to believe that you are bigger than someone else. It always seems to help if you tell yourself that there is not way you can be 'that big.' It justifies your overeating. I offered to show her the tag in my pants, but she said nevermind. Well, she wouldn't eat all day. Some may laugh at this, but I feel bad and sad. So, don't think all comments are wonderful. It's amazing how many negative comments you do receive. And it's mostly out of jealously. I know that's exactly how I reacted before I had my surgery.
I don't want you to think that although my blogging may have seemed idle over the past few weeks, I've still haven't been doing a lot of thinking. I've been composing and adding to a list of all the wonderful benefits just 82 pounds has afforded me. I suppose this is a counter-list to the list I wrote prior to my surgery. Some of the benefits include:
1. A tremendous increase in my level of self esteem.
2. A boost in my levels of self confidence.
3. A majority of my headaches are gone. Only two true migraines since October!
4. No signs of, or medications for, high blood pressure. It's gone!
5. My joint pain is improving dramatically.
6. Most of my lower leg edema is gone.
7. My nighttime visits of acid reflux are completely gone.
8. My sleep apnea/snoring is significantly decreased now.
9. My stress incontinence is virtually gone.
10. Probably TMI, but my past 'bowell' issues have improved dramatically.
11. My stamina for physical activity is increased significantly. I've never walked three miles a day before -- ever!
12. I'm not short of breath when walking to the mailbox.
13. I'm able to exercise, and actually enjoy it....really! I feel guilty if I'm not able to walk everyday.
14. I CAN CROSS MY LEGS!
15. My sex life is phenomenal......but I won't give details.
16. The overall quality of my life is wonderful. I don't worry about my kids finding me dead in my bed in the morning.
Incredible, huh? I can't imagine what my life will be like after 50 more pounds is gone. I've already gone from a size 26-28 to a size 16. Yeah, the 16s are a smidgen tight, but I still got my butt in to them. And now I refuse to wear the 18s anymore. Maybe I will meet my own personal goal of 14s. Can you imagine if I did even better than that? Maybe it is possible. My dream weight still remains 185. More would be better, and if more happens, than good for me. But 185 is like a dream for me. When I first began this journey, I told myself I would be thrilled to hit 225. Well, it appears that may actually be a reality in another month or so. I'll keep plugging along and working hard. A really cool goal is to be at 100 pounds lost by opening day for baseball. By George, this time I think I've got it beat!
I promise I will post pictures soon. Probably in another 10 pounds or so. I'm almost anxious to see them myself. That's when I can tell that this is working......I can't see it in the mirror, but the pictures do tell.
Take care out there, and if you have any questions, PLEASE feel free to drop me a line. I'd love to share my experiences with you!
Friday, January 5th, 2007
Jan 05, 2007
I will admit to my fellow info seekers, that I am having what I believe to be normal fears. Even though the weight is coming off, I'm scared to death that it will come back. How horrible would that be?! So the more I eat (which isn't much), the more I walk to burn off everything. But I suppose that's what we're suppose to do. Anyway, it's working and I'm damn proud, but scared. A day at a time is all we can do.
A few 'facts' -- not only am I down 72 pounds, but my BMI has dropped from almost a 48 to a 36.3 now. I began pre-operatively at 318 pounds, and now weigh 246. Comments are starting to pour in now, and I admit, I am super uncomfortable with all of it. I guess I can't help but thinking people are putting too much faith in me......what if it all comes back and they begin to stare for another reason. But again, I know this must be the head games that come from a lifetime of obesity. I just wish I could go unnoticed. Seriously.
Well, thanks for reading everyone. If not sooner, I'm sure I'll post again when I am 16 weeks out. By then, I will have seen my surgeon for my three month post-op visit. Keep your fingers crossed that my labs come out okay. Best wishes to each and everyone of you!
