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Ok - so I have lost 120 lbs.  Excellent, right?  You would think,  but now that I am at a much healthier weight, people can't stop talking about it!  When I was 299, no one mentioned my weight to me.  No one said how dangerous it was for me to be morbidly obese. No one mentioned the fact that I could not walk with out breathing heavy or ate my way thru buffets and bags of cookies.  Not a peep.  But now that I am 'normal' weight - its all I hear about!  How skinny I am, how I barely eat, how my bones stick out.  Really people?  I eat plenty!  Sometimes more then I should - I just don't eat like I used to!  I am not anorexic, I assure you - I eat! I am not bulimic.  Yes, on occasion, I eat too fast or maybe too big of a bite, and I have the foamies and I puke.  It happens, but not that often. I am not too thin.  I am still considered overweight on the BMI scale.  And yes, I want to lose 8 more lbs to get to my personal goal of 170.  I don't know if that is where I will maintain my weight or not.  I may be more comfortable a little heavier, but for now, for me, that's where i want to try and be.  So stop talking about it!

My first Christmas holiday post WLS was not a success.  I am only 9 months out so I did not gain any weight.  Luckily for me, I am still in that honeymoon phase.  But I should have gained because I ate.  And I ate, and oh yeah, I ate.  I tested my pouch to its full limits - cookies, peanut brittle, Godiva truffles.  I am ashamed.  Did I go thru all this just to gain it back?  Absolutely not.  But if I don't reel myself in right now, that's what will happen. I will be back at 299 before I know what I have eaten!  I did not make any New years resolutions as that seems to be setting myself up for failure if the last 44 years have taught me anything.  But I made up my mind that I will eat only when I am hungry.  I  will get in my protein and liquid and  above all else, I will move my 187 lb tail.  I have 17 more pounds to lose until I hit goal and i want to be there by my surgery anniversary on 3/29. 

Success to all in 2012!

I am almost 7 months out and down 94 lbs.  I have 5 more to go to be in the magical onederland! I can not remember the last time I weighed in the 100s - probably 10 th grade which is more years ago then I care to count.  I feel good.  I have more energy then I have had in a very long time.  I am flattered and embarrassed when people call me 'skinny' or say that I am looking good.  I wonder how I got to 299 lbs.  7 months ago I would have never told that number to anyone but now I happily tell people my current weight and amount lost so I am sure they can do the math.  A lot of people say they never saw me as 'big' and I have to wonder how the hell they did not.  I weighed more then most professional football players and barely squeezed into a size 24.  I never want to go back to that.  I have fears that my old habits will sneak back in so I am always hyper aware of what goes in my mouth.  I am tempted by so many things but I either resist or allow myself one bite and move on.  I wont call myself a 'new' me because I am the same Lori Beth I have always been - I will call myself a smarter me,  And in 5 more lbs.......................onederland!

I have lost 80 lbs in 5 months.  Incredible!  So why don't I see it?  Why is it when I look in the mirror, I still think I look huge?  I have cleaned out the closet and replaced the 24s with 18s.  My rings are falling off my fingers and my shoes are too big, but it just is not sinking in.  I still have the fat girl mentality.  When people look at me in stores or restaurants, I think they are looking at how big I am. not that I might look nice, or even dare I say, attractive?  Will the head ever catch up to the body?  Will I always feel like the biggest gal in the room? 

Today is my birthday!  My first birthday since WLS.  It was a tough day.  Birthdays past have always meant eating - birthday lunch, birthday dinner, birthday cake.  I have been jonesing for Chinese food for weeks so we went to a local Asian place that I have always loved.  I weighed my choices carefully and went with cashew chicken and brown rice.  I would love to be able to tell you how great it was but I did not get a chance to eat it.  I got caught up in the excitement of the birthday eating, an ordered an egg roll.  I just wanted a taste.  I have missed it so.  My husband looked at me when the word came out of my mouth to the waiter. I knew he was thinking this was not going to end good.  When the egg roll came, all hot and delicious, I could not wait to dig in.  I dipped it in the mustard and savored the bite.  I chewed it to death and swallowed.  AHHHHH, bliss.  The first bite was fine, as were bites two and three.  The fourth bite came to an abrupt halt somewhere between my esophagus and pouch.  I did not want to spoil the dinner so I sat back for a while to rest.  I could feel the egg roll expanding, the sweat popping out on my forehead, and the foam slowly rising.  I excused my self to the ladies room.  I will spare you dear readers the gruesome details.  

I think I have such a good handle on this whole WLS way of life .  I think I can handle food and I know what I can tolerate and what I can't.  But I don't.  I am work in progress.  Lesson learned.    

My girlfriend who is 6 years out and 150 lbs lighter, had a tummy tuck and boob lift on Weds.  I went by tonight to see her and she showed me the aftermath.  I won't lie - it looked very painful! Her boobs kind of look like one right now with an indention in between them where her cleavage will be once the swelling goes down.  The tummy incision goes from hip to hip.  She was really swollen around the incision but I could already see how flat her tummy was going to be.  The Dr told her he removed 5 1/2 lbs of skin and whatever else they remove.   Yowsa!   I felt a pang of jealousy but I know how hard she has worked and I am so happy for her.  The whole thing gave me inspiration to get my booty on the ball with my exercise.  I know that loose skins happens, but I want there to be muscle under it when my time comes to get a little nip and tuck.  So, tomorrow morning at 5 AM, I will start the P90X or PX90 - I can never remember the name of it - in my quest to a healthier life!

So I am down 62 lbs.  For the first time in years (probably since I got them) I weigh less then it says on my driver's license. I have been shopping in my closet.  I dig around in the back and knock the dust off of sizes that I have not been able to squeeze into in a very long time.  I am finally starting to see the difference in myself.  The way I feel, the way clothes fit, even the way people treat me. The first week after I had WLS, I thought I had made the biggest mistake of my life, but today, I love this tool I have been blessed with and I hope to use it to its full advantage.  

I feel crazy for even typing that!  Who gets tired of compliments?  ME! 

I feel  like Lori Beth no longer exists.  I am the girl who had wls.  It is all anyone can talk about.  It defines me now.  I am the incredible shrinking woman.  Dont get me wrong, I am thrilled by the 58 lbs that I have lost.  I love the energy that I have now.  I love moving and being active when I get home from work instead of zoning out on the couch.  But I would like a day to go by where no one talks about it.  Where no one says how good I look or asks how much I have lost.  I know people are fascinated by those of who have had wls - they like to watch how little I  can eat or pull at my clothes to to show me how big they are on me.  I get it.  I did  the same thing to a good friend of mine who had wls in 2005.  I have apologized to her profusely for being so annoying! 

I have lost 47 lbs.  I thought I would be digging thru my old clothes trying to find something to wear, but that is not the case.  In fact, I can still wear the size 24s. Of course they are a little loose and some are even down right baggy, but they are far from falling off me.  This leads me to wonder how in the heck was I stuffing an extra 47 lbs into the clothes I am still wearing?  Is there that much leeway in the plus size clothing?  Or maybe in my head, I still need the size 24s, when in reality, I should be putting them in the yard sale box and moving in to the smaller sizes.  Maybe I am afraid to let the 24s go?  Perhaps they are my security, my shield that kept the world from seeing the real me?  I knew this journey was going to be tough but I never realized that by losing pounds, I would be gaining insight.  Time to say good bye to 24s.

So this is the first holiday since my WLS.  I did good with protein and liquids.  I stuck to my soft foods and held my own against some unforeseen stresses that occurred.  I won't say that temptation did not wink at me from time to time.  The jellybeans, the chocolate bunny, the low fat cheesecake my mom made for me(yeah - she still hasn't quite grasped my new life style).  Many times through out the day I had the same reoccurring thought "I will just try a small bite".  But I didn't.  I was afraid of dumping or not dumping, which ever the case may be.  The unknown is my is what makes me walk the straight and narrow.  It keeps me honest and losing!