lexibelle

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Today marks 3 weeks since my surgery. I never meant to be so silent, but between trying to recover and getting back to life as usual (Mom's don't get sick days) I've been too tired to do much writing or recording.

Week 1 was probably the hardest. I was still in pain - both from the surgery and my back due to sleeping in ungodly positions. I was exhausted because I wasn't sleeping through the night yet and I was back to work by Day 6. By day 8, it was pretty much back to business as usual - with the exception of having to cook for the kids and trying not to have to carry the baby. During this time my stomach was doing fine, but I was getting very tired of broths. I was actually looking forward to my first protein shake. The only thing I was having trouble with (and honestly still am) was taking my meds. By the time I'd get most of them down I'd feel overfilled from the water. This isn't so great when you're supposed to be taking 12 multi-vitamins and 12 calcium pills - in addition to Tylenol and 2 prescriptions - every day.

Week 2 was definitely better and I started experimenting with different soups. I'll admit - I splurged and indulged in a couple of cream soups and I'm so glad I did. They helped break up the monotony of protein shakes and chicken bullion. I also transitioned from using Almond milk to using regular milk in my shakes. The good news is - I can still tolerate the milk. :) A lot of people who have this surgery come out lactose intolerant to some degree on the other side. For some it's temporary and for others it seems to last for the long-term. This makes me happy because it gives me some extra fat (which DS patients need) and protein with my shakes. I'll still use Almond milk (unsweetened plain or vanilla) if it's available, but it's nice to have an alternative when we run out. The pain continued to lessen and, the best part, I got to sleep in bed! I started off using a pregnancy pillow I had leftover from last year but slowly graduated down to my normal pillows. Unfortunately, I can still only lay on my right side or on my back and both positions result in me waking up in pain for one reason or another. I've also been having a hard time sleeping through the night. My normal routine seems to be that I wake up somewhere between 12am and 2am and then stay awake for at least 30 minutes (sometimes longer). This really sucks when you have to be up for the day at 4:30am AND are caffeine free.

My major accomplishment for this past week is getting back into the habit of walking Oliver to school. Prior to this week, I honestly didn't feel physically up to the 1.5mi round-trip. I might have been braver, except I have to be sure I'm back by the end of my lunch - which means my walk back has to be done in less than 20 minutes. So on Tuesday I sucked it up and took the plunge. I'm happy to say I was able to do it and even went back for round 2, when Ray walked with me to go pick him up. THAT was probably a bit much - but I'm still proud I did it and hope it starts getting easier soon.

Aside from all of that - I do have a few other triumphs to celebrate.

The first is that, for the first time since I got pregnant with Oliver, I'm below 300lbs. I've lost a total of 17lbs since surgery and a grand total of 53 since I first saw Dr. Srikanth back in July. I'm definitely proud of myself, but also frustrated. Why? Well, my pants still fit. While that's not necessarily a bad thing - I mean I NEED to wear pants - I also don't feel like there's been that big of a 'transformation' for someone that's lost over 50lbs.

Then, I put on one of Ray's t-shirts and saw a bit of what was to come. Let me explain - Ray's t-shirts are all either 3x or 4x. I've tried wearing them before, and while I fit into a 3-4x in women's clothing, his shirts were too tight on my tummy. In order to wear them, I'd have to try and stretch them out - and even then I'd look a few months pregnant. Well yesterday, in a rush to get out the door on time, I decided to grab one of his t-shirts since I'd just be driving Oliver to school. Much to my surprise, the shirt fit - not only fit, but was roomy and comfortable.

So obviously, my body IS changing - even if it's not immediately obvious when I look in the mirror or put my clothes on. I think that I'll be taking some measurements to commemorate the 1 month mark so I'll be able to keep better track of the inches I'm losing - and where.

I can honestly say that, so far, there hasn't been any buyer's remorse. I'm glad I took charge of my life and am excited to see what the next several month have in store for me.

Actually - in store for US. Ray's surgery countdown is down to 7 days and then he'll be joining me on the Dark Side. :) Can't wait until we're walking this path together - both literally and figuratively. ;)

So, I survived my surgery :)

Definitely not the easiest thing I've ever done, but I'm glad that part is behind me.

I checked into the hospital at 5am on 9/18 and discovered I was the first surgery of the day. During check-in, IV placement, introductions and vitals I found myself running the gamut of emotions. No, let's be honest - I was terrified and practically in tears. What was I about to do to myself? Why was I electively (though really, at 315lbs can it really be considered elective rather than a necessity) going to be put under anesthesia for 8+ hours, having most of my stomach cut out and my intestines rerouted? What kind of pain would I be in? What if I didn't wake up? That last one was the scariest.

The idea that I was choosing to go under and may never see Ray or my babies again made me want to get up and walk out. The thing is, I knew if I did that I'd be guaranteeing that one day, much too soon, I'd be doing that anyway. At least if I survived this internal slice and dice, I'd be extending the amount of time with those babies as long as possible. Not only world I be extending it, but I'd be making the quality of that time so much better.

These thoughts weren't quite so coherent Thursday morning, but I didn't get much time to dwell. Shortly after 7am, Kristen (my nurse) and Dr. Srikanth came in and sounded it was just about time. Then the anesthesiologist came in, slipped me a mickey and I was being wheeled to surgery. I remember being told they were putting an oxygen mask on my, that was just oxygen and then I remember waking up with my right arm hurting like I'd been stabbed.

That arm still hurts actually, but I guess having it squeezed continuously by the blood pressure cuff for 9 hours will do that. Yep ... 9 hours of surgery. Won't go into details mostly because a lot of it is still fuzzy for me, but there were adhesions, scar tissue, hernia and a really big liver to contend with. All I can say is thank god I was in such wonderful hands.

The first night was rough, especially with nurses coming in every time I got into a good sleep and wanting me to do things like drink or walk. The next morning wasn't much better but by the afternoon I was told I'd get to go home. The idea of leaving the IV and nurses was scary, but the thought of being comfy, in my own chair without people waking me up or bothering me was heavenly. The only catch was that I'd need to go to St. Francis the next morning for an xray, since my bowels were being lazy. We got home about 7pm and I happily passed out in my chair for the most part.

There were some rough patches, but the pain meds and constant sipping helped. Now, 48hrs after surgery I'm feeling a bit more human. I've managed to drink close to 40oz of water, a few ounces of broth and a few sips of vitamin water. It's been 3hrs since my last dose of pain meds and I'm not ready to climb the walls in pain. I even managed a bit of time downstairs in the Livingston. Unfortunately the recliner is still the most comfortable spot for me.

I've got a long road ahead of me ... several weeks of liquids and soft foods before I'm eating normally again. Days of slowly working up to being able to walk any sort of distance. Months of learning how my new insides work, what they like and what they don't.

And lots and lots of pounds to lose along the way.

I'm not sure if my situation is unique or not, but even though surgery is only 15 days away I've told very few people about it. My husband knows, obviously, and so do my IL's but that's it. I've told my parents I'm having surgery to remove my galbladder and correct a hernia. I don't have any friends I hang out with in person, so no one to tell there. Also haven't said a word about any sort of surgery on Social Media to the friends I keep up with that way.

On the one hand, I'm perfectly fine with this decision. My mother and I have a tenuous relationship (at best), so I really don't feel comfortable divulging all of the details to her. She tends to be a 'know-it-all' and this is one time (outside of parenting) that I don't want her opinions or advice. Obviously if I tell her, I can't tell my dad - plus I really don't want to worry him unnecessarily. I haven't shared on social media because I feel like if I do, I"ll be under a microscope. There are so many misconceptions about WLS that I'm afraid if I'm a slow loser or even never get 'skinny' (which I likely won't - not with 160lbs to lose) there'd be unfair judgments. On the other hand, if I'm seen as losing weight the 'old fashioned way', I feel like the expectations will be less if that makes sense. I think if anyone asks outright, I'd probably tell the truth (privately) but don't yet feel comfortable having that public.

On the other hand - my support is currently limited to my husband, my MIL (to some degree) and online strangers on the WLS forums I've been lurking on for years. I feel kind of isolated and also sad that I'm not really able to share what's going on with other people in my life. This is a huge step in my life and I'd like more people involved, so-to-speak.

I don't know - maybe my feelings on the whole issue will change between now and surgery or after surgery. Right now I'm going with what I feel comfortable with, which is maintaining mostly radio silence outside of WLS communities and my blog which it would take a miracle for people to find (I think at least LOL). 

I meant to add my entries here, but kept forgetting. So rather than post them individually, a link will have to suffice:

http://ourswitchadventure.blogspot.com/

From here on out, I'll be trying to update both equally :)