One year post -op come and gone...

Apr 16, 2012

so like the title suggests.. my intention of posting a 1 year post op update wasn't quite enough to get me to actually POST it... and i know why... i had a goal in my mind to lose 100 pounds by my 1 year but obviously i didn't reach that. And why should i be disappointed about that? I had lost 92 pounds, taking most of my vitamins, dropped 6 dress sizes, feel much better in my skin, and started to feel more confident! Nothing at all to be ashamed of! But after doing a bit of soul searching i realized there was something i was ashamed of and rightfully so! I didn't meet my goal of working out regularly to ensure my body stays strong while losing weight... nor have i been eating the way that i know i should. Sure.. i haven't been "stretching" my pouch but i've recently caught myself snacking on the wrong things! carbs, chocolate, fast food.. all things i should ONLY have during special occassions and all things that got me to where i was pre-surgery. So net:net i'm not only disappointed about not reaching my goal because i know that i didn't do EVERYTHING possilbe to reach it but i'm also scared of these habits creeping back in when i had a goal in mind, and that makes me feel more like a quitter than i have in years.  
My partner is what i call "a closer", and i recently got a reminder of that first hand when she rallied all night long to win a contest we'd entered. Whenever she says she's going to do something she does it, no matter what it takes, and her ability to perservere when everyone else has quit is what makes her a "winner". I have ALWAYS admired that about her and it has always shone a light on my shortcoming in that area. Actually, i realize i'm quite the opposite, when things are almost done, i tend to back off of them and 'sabotage" myself in some way not to get it. I've worked on this and thought that i'd made progress but i'm realizing that i'm backsliding and I've GOT to get back on track. Hopefully, writing this down and making my way through a short weight GAIN have reinvigorated me and i'll do what i know i should.. I'm starting the next chapter of this journey by repeating this affirmation to myself:  I DO deserve this happiness, I DO deserve to be healthy, I DO deserve to look in the mirror and like what i see, I DO deserve it ALL... I have worked hard and I WIll NOT let my hard work be overshadowed by a few moments of weakness or by my fear of success! 

I'm sure my next entry will be lighter and all about my wins but i needed to take a moment to acknowledge my recent challenges. But I feel i should end this by sharing my wins:I currently weigh 158.5 so  I'm down 94.5 pounds since 2/27/11 and i'm wearing size 8 dresses and size 9-10 jeans down from size 20 dresses and size 22 jeans! Not too shabby!

I hope all is well OH family!

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