This is hard!

Sep 04, 2010

Everyday, I realize that I know less and less about what I'm doing. I've recently gotten married and now realize that I don't even know who I am, what I want, what I will accept, what I will take, and what I want to do. I don't love myself and it seems like I'm just surviving. I'm know that God is strengthening me everyday and that He will guide and direct me in my relationship with myself and with my new husband. He truly is the love of my life and I know things will be ok.

My name is Angel.  I've been overweight all of my life. I've always been the biggest girl, the fattest girl, the most developed girl and frankly, it has sucked.  I was praying the other day and asking God why I had to be so different.  I'm sure I'm not the first person to think this, especially in this obesity-phobic world.  Why do I have the genes that make me larger? Why am I predisposed to be bigger than everyone. I just don't get it. How did I draw this straw? Is this just my lot in life?

I've been wanting to have weight loss surgery for years. I've been denied repeatedly by my insurance company/job and I've struggled with feeling jilted by a company that I've essentially given my life to.  That hurts and I'm afraid that at some point, it factored into my job performance and the way I treat the people I serve. I've never admitted that before.

At any rate, I've struggled with my health and with trying to get some way to help with paying for the surgery.  A couple of weeks ago, the strangest thing happened.

I'll have to tell you about it in future posts.

Thanks.

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