LovableLynn
Coming to terms with food addiction
Aug 07, 2011
I remarried about 1.5 years ago and for the first time in my life I have seen myself react very bizarrely when faced with conflict. Having been divorced more than once before and being a single mother of 4 boys, I always thought I did pretty well handling hardship and stress. God knows that dealing with my 2nd husband would have driven anybody to the end of their sanity but somehow I managed it.
So whenever we had conflict and my new husband would throw in my face that he had no idea how I survived my past I would get very angry.
What???? Did I not survive horrendous marriages to people who make the devil look good? Did I not survive in a culture that is not my own, away from my family? How in the heck can he question me? I was really offended.
Then… suddenly it hit me… as I sit here post-op and still facing the daily anxiety of wondering when I will see my youngest son again (he was abducted by his father on May 29th)…. Well…. The way I dealt with my problems in the past was with food. Food was my comfort. Food was my best friend. Food was my salvation when everything else was failing.
When I got the band 3 years ago, I stopped turning to food to ease the stress in my life which is about the time I met my current husband. This explains why he would always question how I was able to deal with conflict in the past. It didn’t hit me until recently when I was looking at old pics. I was at my heaviest I ever weighed near the end of my 2nd marriage and that marriage was about to emotionally and physically kill me.
One of my defense mechanisms was to joke about how I did not get fat by being happy. Reality of it is that it was not a joke at all.
The hardest thing for me since my surgery… not being able to run to food to fill in the void that is caused by missing my youngest son. All of a sudden I suddenly realized my current husband is correct in telling me I no longer know how to deal with problems. I have lost my best friend. I have lost my coping mechanism. Food can no longer give me comfort and… that scares me… because…..hmmmmm…. well because I don’t know how to cope otherwise. Funny thing is lately I have been thinking of vodka. What makes it so funny is that I never drank in my life. Good thing I am living in a country where I cannot easily get my hands on the darn stuff..lol
My name is Lynn and I am a food addict. 
There are days when I hate my DS because I can't run to food to help me cope... but at the same time, I love my DS because I am unable to run to food to cope. I love my DS for helping me see what I was doing to myself and help me in recovering and getting healthy.
