Lynn Brown

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All the swelling is gone, the incisions are healing nicely and I'm getting my energy back. Frustrated though, the hunger is back. While the stomach was all swollen I had next to no hunger and had to make myself eat. Now that I am well on the mend the hunger is back. Trying to watch what I eat and make healthy choices but can't always fight the hunger part. Can't even get the first fill until 6 weeks out.

Tomorrow I start my pre-op diet, again. This week leading up to my starting date, I have been having little farewell parties for all the things I think I'll miss. The more of these events I have the less I think about what I will miss. I think it is kinda like moving to a new town because your husband got a great new job. You know you have to do it. It is what is best for you and your family.  You are going to miss old friends and that is a little sad. But you will better off and you will eventually make new friends.

Last time I did the pre-op diet I lost 15 pounds and that was with some cheating. I did gain half of it back(probably from all the farewell parties)  but that still leaves me down a bit.  Pretty sure I can handle the 10 days on the diet without cheating this time, primarily because I have a firm surgery date and I know how to manage my hunger better now.

Just reread my pre-op diet handout to make sure I know what I'm doing.  It's a good thing because I remembered it wrong.  All set to got tomorrow morning.

Today is my birthday. It didn't go very well. I called to see if I could change my surgery date from 11/7 which is only 4 days before my daughter's wedding.  I was told not unless I wanted to wait until December. Well I can't because I will have no insurance after the end of November. AND they told me they had to move my surgery from the 7th to the 9th.  So now I am having surgery 2 days before the wedding.  Nothing better go wrong because I AM GOING TO THIS WEDDING. Also, I got a card in the mail from the county - a jury summons. Wouldn't you know it, it was for the 10th - one day after surgery and one day before the wedding. I called and asked if I could be excused. They said no but they would move me out to December.  On the up side of today, I did find a dress for the wedding, in purple as requested and it was marked 1/2 off!!!!  Which is good because it was a $90 dress. The surgeon said I don't have to do the pre-op diet until two weeks before the surgery date, which is good because this is the last time I get to go out for my birthday. I know I am going to have problems with missing food.  I hope I don't transfer my addiction!

I got the date for my band - 11-07-11.  Bad thing is that it is 4 days before my daughter's wedding. Hope I can make it. Meeting with the surgeon went fine. Got an order for all the lab work I'll need. Now I just wait.

The good news (sorta) is that I can take a couple week break from the pre-op diet. That's good because Thursday is my birthday and I want to eat. I sure do hope this surgery helps with the hunger so I can get control.

Tomorrow is my pre-op appointment. I will get my actual surgery date. I am so nervous. I didn't think I would be. I'd been so calm though all the testing and waiting for the insurance approval, now I'm worried, nervous, I don't know what. I'm worried that I won't be able to stick to the diet requirements of my WLS. This is based on my inability to stick to the pre-op diet more than a few days at a time. I'm nervous about the surgery itself. I guess the other feeling is excitement. For the first time in a long time I have hope. Maybe this time next year, I will look like the person I feel like inside.

This pre-op diet is killing me. So hungry!!! I have been really cheating and yesterday the truth was right there in front of me. I gained 4 pounds in 7 days. I have to try harder to stick to this diet.  Going to be really hard.  My birthday is this Thursday and I want to treat myself to dinner at my favorite restaurant.  I try to think of other ways to treat myself but nothing comes to mind that I would consider a treat. Food has always been the key to celebrating. I know that wen I start dropping the pounds, I plan to celebrate by getting a couple outfits in the new size but we're not there yet and I certainly don't want to buy cloths in this size. I'll have to put more energy into thinking of a birthday treat.

Tomorrow is a new day.  I am determined to wake up and stay on track: 4 protein drinks, 3 oz meat and 2 cups of veggies.  Just went grocery shopping and got a bunch of fresh veggies.  I had the meat man weight out 3 oz of shrimp and count them up. Then I ordered a pound. That will taste good tossed in with some stir fried veggies. Starting to get used to the taste of those protein drinks.

Also going to try to start on the exercise routine tomorrow.  I wanted to use my stationary bike but I can't seem to find it in storage. The tension band and some exercise videos will have to do for now. I only do low impact until I lose some weight.  My knees can't take the weight of my body . My daughter is supposed to be joining me for the exorcise part of this routine but she keeps making excuses (she learned from the best).

Speaking of learning bad habits from our parents, I was thinking about this the other day.  I always said I never regretted anything but that is not true.  I wish I had been a better role model of healthy eating and daily exercise to my kids. They all struggle with their weight but my third child is almost as big as me already and having a lot of the same problems. I didn't do that girl any favors growing up.

I got the call today, my insurance has approved my surgery. Thing is, I didn't realize the approval was for a specific surgery and they approved the band, which I DO NOT want.  I will call my doctor tomorrow and see what can be done. After reading through a lot of posts on these forums, I have come to the conclusion that  I want the DS. If my insurance won't cover it or my surgeon won't perform it, then I want VSG. I read too many bad things about the band, especially several years out.

Did my weekly weigh in a couple days ago. Lost another 7 pounds. If I could stick to this pre-surgery diet long term, I could really drop the pounds. It is very difficult though as I am always hungry.

Ok, so I spent the vast majority of this past week cheating on my pre-op diet.  I still managed to lose 1 pound but I learned something about myself - I eat without thinking.  My daughter kept catching me eating things not on the diet and that's when I would remember I was supposed to be on a special diet.  That is also good news because I think that if I can keep this up long enough, it will become habit and I will eat RIGHT without thinking.  I don't even mind the pre-op diet, that wasn't the problem.  So, I am determined to get back on track.

Rethinking the whole surgery thing.  Was going to have the band but I've read about too many problems people are having. Then I thought I wanted the VSG but I realized that if I could just stick with it, be more diligent with my desired eating plan.  I have 4 kids, 2 are clueless, 1 is all for it and the 4th thinks I shouldn't get the surgery.  I know it boils down to what I want but sometimes those closest to you know you better than you do. So I ask their opinion on major stuff.

The decision may be taken out of my hands anyway.  My insurance will be canceled the end of September and I still have not heard from the coordinator about a surgery date.  I sure can't afford this without insurance.  I could extend the insurance another month for fifteen hundred dollars but should I if I am rethinking everything?  I will have insurance again some day when/if I find a job.

I really blew it today.  So tired of starving. Ok, I know I am not starving but it sure feels like it. No little cheats, nibble here or there. Flat out blew it and on weird stuff, too. Hot fudge topping, no ice cream, just topping, and popcorn - lots of it. I was doing so well, too. Losing about a pound a day - until now.  Ok, no more beating myself up. It happened but back at it tomorrow. 

I am hoping to hear from the insurance tomorrow.  Running out of time to get it in before the end of the month. Crossing my fingers.

Yuck, this is why I don't like having my picture taken. I hope that a year from now these photos will make me smile instead of cringe.  My daughter calls almost everyday to see if I've heard from the insurance. She is almost as anxious as I am. If everything goes as planned, I'll be eating pureed food at her wedding in November. It will make getting a dress made tricky!  Another of my daughters is a little concerned about the lifestyle changes I will have to make.  Can't blame her, all her life she's seen her mother eat whatever and however much she wanted. My son and youngest daughter are basically oblivious to it all. 

This pre-op diet is tough.  I'm losing weight like crazy on it but it has illuminated why I need this surgery! I could never maintain this level of food input without a smaller stomach. I can't wait to hear from the insurance (I know I have no choice but still....). I am ready to hop on that table.

I've discovered the miracle of protein power.  I add it to yogurt, instant breakfast and pudding (my personal favorite). I have not found a ready made protein drink that I like  They all are watery and have an odd flavor. Now I am going to try shake powders.  I do like Carnation Instant Breakfast no sugar added with a scoop of protein powder.

The food log on OH is very helpful. I added a food item for my vitamins so that I can add that everyday and see a more complete picture of my nutrition.  Whenever I am about to eat something, I think about having to enter it into the food log and what it will do to my numbers.  Similar to when I was on Weight Watchers, I loved their on-line points tracker. Eventually, when I am not testing different meal replacement options, I want to build my daily menu the day before so I know exactly what I will be eating to optimize my nutrition.

Well, yesterday I weighed myself after 1 week on the pre-op diet. I admit I cheated a little bit a couple times but was certain it would not matter much.  I lost 7 pounds! Yeah!

Back up a bit. I don't know how long I will be on this pre-op diet as we don't have a surgery date yet. Doug, the amazing bariatric coordinator, is diligently working to get my surgery in before the end of the month. I will be losing my health insurance the end of September due to the cost tripling! So, anyway, I started the diet 9/11/11 and expect that I will be on it a full 2 weeks plus maybe a little more.