A new milestone!

Oct 25, 2009

Over the weekend, I hit the 90lb lost mark!  I know it's not 100, and I'm really looking forward to that, but when I sat down and thought about it...I was wowed, overwhelmed, embarrassed, amazed. 

I can't believe I've lost 90 lbs!  That would have never been possible before, and the fact that I've done it is such an amazing feeling!  I've been in a bit of a funk since injuring my groin, because it's kept me out of the gym, but this lifted my spirits!

I was then a bit embarrassed.  I couldn't believe that I let myself get to that weight, let alone how I looked at that weight.  I can glance in the mirror now and yes, I see I lost weight in my face.  I don't have to turn my head, I can look straight on.  There's no double chin, my face isn't round...my face is me.

I'm still having issues with the mirror and the rest of my body, however.  The only way I'm going to see a difference, is to again take pictures.  The night before surgery my Mom took full length pics of me in just a bra and panties.  I can still remember that night.  When she handed me the camera I looked at the pictures, and I sat and cried and cried.  I looked awful. 

I was going through my closet again, getting rid of even more clothes that no longer fit.  While I was trying them on, I stood in front of the mirror again.  My back looks thinner.  My stomach looks awful.  The fat roll is there, but it's "creased" in the center.  Yes, I know it's because I'm losing weight...but I still can't get past how I look.

I'm going to PA next month to see my family, and I'll again have my Mom take a pic in bra and panties.  I will come home and compare it to my pre-op pic.  I am praying that the difference is very visible to me, so maybe I won't be so hard on myself anymore.  I can try on clothes and look in the mirror and somedays see a difference...but without those clothes as a shield, the mirror is my worst enemy. 

90 lbs is 90 lbs, and it's awesome.  It's one more step in the right direction.  It's one more reason to be thankful I had WLS.  It's the proof that WLS works!  I have a new confidence, a newly found spirit...that is allowing me to work towards my goal.  I'm more positive than ever before.   I am excited to be working towards this goal.

Here's to hitting 100lbs by Christmas...or maybe even sooner!

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