MelW1986
I was born in 1986 in a small town in Colorado. Even then I was a chunky baby. Growing up I would always hear "that is just baby fat, it will come off". But it never did. Why would it? The rest of my family is obese as well.
I never had much of a problem with my weight until I was around 6 years old. At school we would have a physical checkup where all of the kids would get weighed and measured to record their BMI. This was when I was first told I was obese. I did not know what it meant, so when I got home, I asked my mother. She was infuriated with the school for telling me that. Well, apparently when the other kids heard them say that to me it made them wonder what it was as well. The next day at school other kids were looking at me as though I was diseased. This is when the teasing first began. How fast kids can go from being completely oblivious to terrorizing someone for something that the day before they knew nothing about just astonishes me.
Throughout elementary school I would come home daily crying from being teased, hit and pushed down. I would beg my mother to not make me go to school but in my area home schooling was not an option, especially with parents that were not educated themselves. Instead my mom would call the school and complain about them doing nothing about the teasing. The teachers would often not pay enough attention to stop the actions of the other kids. When they did catch them it just made the teasing worse because the kids would be mad that they got caught.
Middle school the teasing only got worse. The sweet little girl was starting to fade away and instead started fighting back. The teachers got better at seeing the other students actions but it did not stop anything. Instead the teachers felt bad for me and respected me enough that if I would defend myself they would turn their back and pretend to not see anything so I would not get in trouble as well for fighting. I began to hate school, hate people and hate life. I was only 11 years old and already slipping into depression.
When high school came I was 14 years old and over 200 lbs. My freshman year I would hide behind the stage in the lunch area. I was afraid to eat in front of other kids and even not to eat out of fear of the things they would say. I began not eating anything. One day a girl in my class, Audrey, found me behind the stage. I was pale and week. She ran to the nurse because she did not know what else to do. I begged them not to tell my mother because she had enough problems and did not want her to worry about me as well. I began eating again and the girl invited me to eat with her at lunch. She was my first real friend.
I grew up in a christian house but my parents never really went to church. They would teach me the word on their own or I would learn from reading the bible. I had only been to church a handful of times at the most. Audrey decided to invite me to go to her church's youth group. This completely changed my life. As soon as I walked in everyone came and greeted me. For the first time in years, I felt wanted somewhere, like I belonged. These people became not just my church, but my family. They helped me through my depression, my anger at my mother and at the other students, and even my school work. I was finally happy.
I graduated high school at 17 years old and 245lbs. From there I decided to get a job and take care of my mother. After my mother still treating my like a child and getting mad that I would be late home from work I decided to move out. I lasted 6 months before I got sick of my landlord screwing me over and I moved back in. I was engaged to a guy who would not get a job or even clean. When we split up him and his friends started harassing me. This got my fired from 4 jobs in a row. I spent many nights praying about what to do about my job situation and the situation with my mom. Finally it dawned on me that what I needed was a fresh start. Start my life over with a new outlook. But how could I do that in the small community I lived in? This is when I decided to make the move 1200 miles to Minnesota with my older sister.
After living here for only a couple of months I met the most wonderful man. We were both working at a casino in security. He was so sweet, and nice. Nothing like any guy I dated before, and yet I was attracted to him. To my surprise he asked me out. Going on 7 years later we have a 5 year old child together and I love him more than ever. After my pregnancy with my daughter I gained around 100 lbs. This is after gaining almost 40 from stopping smoking before I ended up pregnant. This brought me up to 350 lbs. I have been struggling for a few years to drop these pounds but nothing has worked.
A couple years back my older sister, who was also around 350 lbs, had the RNY gastric bi-pass. She ended up losing over 200 lbs and has an entirely new attitude and loves her life. She is finally healthy and feels good about herself. This, combined with my mother crying worrying saying I am on my way to having a heart attack convinced me I should try to do the same. So I asked my doctor about it. She was a big hesitant about it but she finally said that she thinks the surgery would be good for me, to prevent my health getting worse and heightening the risk of diabetes or heart problems that run in my family.
It took me 2 years to finally get the courage up to start the process. I went to a meeting in April of 2011. From there they scheduled my first appointment with the dietitian. After 6 months of seeing her I was discouraged but not giving up! I went on to see the psychologist as required only to be told that I am depressed and have anxiety. Gee, you think?!? Only, this man thought it was due to trauma in my past. So he recommended I see another psychologist to gain a bond before surgery, so that I would have someone to turn to after. The new psychologist is amazing. She has helped me find ways of coping with and preventing my depression and anxiety. I still have problems with social experiences, but now I am not afraid of who I am or who I am going to be. My experiences since have done nothing but encourage me more to go through with the surgery.
More than a year after my first meeting I finally got my surgery scheduled. May 7 at 7:30 am. I am getting nervous. That is less than 2 weeks away! I only had a couple people who knew about the surgery until recently. I decided to post it on facebook for all who know me to see. To my surprise I got next to nothing but praise and more encouragement. I never knew how amazing some of the people who I only considered acquittance's were. I am so grateful now for every person in my life.
While I do, now, have the support of my friends. I would still like other people to talk to who are going through the same thing. People who will understand and who can relate. Hopefully I will find that!
