michelle1123
Here I am, 10 days away from my VSG surgery and filled with mixed emotions. Fear and excitement for the unknown, really. I hope I’m doing the right thing! I wonder how life will be different afterwards… how “I” will be different…
I’ve been obese my entire life. At my highest, I weighed 262, my lowest was 151 and for most of the past 10 years I’ve been somewhere around 175 (I'm 5'2"). Maintaining my 100+ pound weight loss has meant living on a strict diet virtually every day and yet still gaining weight. The day of my pre-op consultation, I weighed in at an exactly 200. It was the first time in nearly 20 years that I’ve been out of “onederland” and I needed to see that # on the scale to reinforce that I need this tool. Lord knows I have tried everything possible to lose weight on my own – a zillion diets, serious exercise (I completed a marathon last year!), and have been fanatical about living healthy. Like so many others though, nothing has worked for me.
I have been blessed with a good, full and successful life. But really, life has never felt complete because my weight has prevented me from making the absolute most of it. When I think (dream) about one day being able to live fully without restriction, fear, discomfort or embarrassment, I get excited and a little scared. As much as I’ve hated my extra weight, I think subconsciously it has also served as a security blanket. The one tangible thing I can point to as “the reason” why this, that or the other thing didn’t happen for me. It’s subconscious, not good, and embarrassing to admit, but it's true.
I can’t wait to feel light both physically and mentally. To go a day without being consumed with thoughts of what I ate, didn’t eat, wished I could eat, wished I could wear, wished I looked better wearing, etc. It’s just exhausting!
I believe the road of life is filled with many bumps and curves along the way but in the end it takes us to where we’re meant to be. As corny as it sounds, I feel like my bumpy road has lead me to VSG and this is where I'm meant to be. Over this hill is what seems to be a beautiful rainbow… I must just have the strength and courage to take this journey.
WISH ME LUCK!!! : )
