My worst enemy and best friend is me

Aug 24, 2010

I saw my therapist yesterday and we talked about my eating. Of course, she and I both feel like there is some emotional connection between the desire to eat and doing it. There are many times when I opt not to. This is especially true when I am actively engaged in a healthy eating/living program. When I weigh myself,, plan healthy meals, exercise reguarly and measure portions, it seems like I stick to my goals more effectively. I have written about Sweat Equity before. This notion that when you put an effort into your weight loss, or even maintaining the loss you've achieved, you are more apt to want to maintain it. It seems like when I put forth a daily effort, to exercise, for example, I start to appreciate just how much time and effort it takes to burn 300 calories. Wasting all that time in a moment of pleasure eating a Snickers bar becomes less attractive. When I don't exercise, these thoughts are not at the top of my thought process. That's not to say people who are cutting calories are not fully aware of their calorie intake levels and are making those choices consciously. I'm just talking about my thought process now.

Trying to become more aware of my true feelings is proving to be a bigger challenge than i thought. I think I go into "health kick" mode and just buckle down and do it for a while. I start tracking my weight and portions and so on. I see the scale move and know I am doing all the things to live a healthy life. Healthy behaviors lead to long term success. However, I have unhealthy desires that keep eeking their way into my thought process. It might be after 6 months, a year or some other time.

I started the whole therapy process to figure out why I wasn't happy after I had lost all the weight I wanted to lose and I think I have been grasping at straws ever since. Defining what my life should look like and what sort of things I want to be doing, is a start. That is the beginning to a Wellness Vision I think. So I will start on that. Spelling out what my vision for Mick is. Not just physically but in other areas too.

I can choose to make 3 healthy eating choices today. I can choose to exercise today and measure my portions. I  can do these things whether I want to or not. My goal is to figure out a way to want to for the long term. I need to find that passion I had in the beginning and reinvigorate myself. I think reviewing why I wanted to lose weight in the beginning, remembering what life was like when I was heavy, creating a new set of goals to work toward and then making a structured day that builds toward those goals may be the way to get there.

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