There will always be people who disagree.

May 02, 2012

Today I found out that I am now a diabetic. I haven't started treatment yet because I'm waiting for the endocrinologist to send over the test results before I go to my primary physician. Now, I posted on my Facebook that I was diagnosed. It wasn't a complaint, merely just sort of an 'update' since I had posted about going for the glucose test. Was I surprised? Yes and no. My maternal grandmother had it, along with both of my fathers parents both who were insulin dependent. Plus, I am obsese. It shouldn't shock me that the weight and my genes have caught up with me. Had I gone through with the therapy and the surgery, I would be traveling down a different road right now. I never would have gotten the diagnosis and I'd be much lighter. The thought of that makes me sad, but hindsight is 20/20, isn't it?

Part of me will always wish that I went through with the surgery. It's hard for me to look back at my video blogs, or sometimes even at my tattoo because I was so so excited and thrilled about the journey I was taking. I was given this beautiful gift and I just couldn't stop smiling. The fact that all that hope and happiness is gone is sad to me. BUT, I know in my heart that I haven't given up. I know once my medical insurance changes next year that one of the first things I will be doing is trying for bariatric surgery again. I will not give up, I may just have to take a very long and sometimes really painful road.

I did want to share something that someone emailed me on Facebook though. After I posted about being diagnosed, this person decided to tell me I should have had the surgery. Talk about kicking a person when they're down. Don't you think that's the first thing that went through my mind when I found out the results? She then proceeded to email me this lovely gem:

"There is no constant mentioning it.
This is only the second time and i think you were an ass to give up a lifetime of an opportunity that someone else could have used just because you refused therapy. WHATEVER. Obviously now you want to complain about your illnesses that you could have gotten rid of for good. GOODBYE."

The said person also left a comment on my wall where she called me a jerk as well but then deleted it. Is this the kind of community that OH is? If you DON'T get the surgery you're automatically an idiot? Aren't we all here to SUPPORT one another regardless of what has happened? I'm just sad that this person felt the need to say such things.

AND, just to be clear.. When I gave up the surgery, the FIRST THING that I said was "Give it to someone else who needs it.", I don't know what is or has gone on with the process but I do hope that someone else gets to benefit from that great gift that I was going to receive. Selfishly, I do wish it was still available to me but I can't expect it to be because of the way that I behaved.

I said in my last blog post that I didn't regret my decision. I can't say that so whole heartedly now that I have diabetes but I also can't dwell on the past and depress myself. I can only look at it this way.. If it was meant to be, it would have happened and that's all. I wasn't ready to talk about the abuse, and I'm still not sure if I ever will be.

As for my journey to become a mother.. pregnancy doesn't seem like a smart idea right now so I am beginning the process to adopt. I start the classes to complete a homestudy next week and the process should take about 2-3 months. I'm looking at older children as they are just waiting to be adopted and to find a forever family and I have the capability to love a child that needs it. I don't care how old the child is, or even if I have to adopt siblings. I want a family, and I'll make sure someway or how that it will happen.

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