Full of anxiety

Feb 21, 2012

I have had quite a bit of anxiety the closer I get to sending in my paperwork for approval by the insurance company.    I thought I was handling my anxiety better today until this afternoon. A co-worker was joking around with me, but sent my anxiety into a tailspin! I have a pretty good looking husband, if I do say so myself,  and over the weekend my SIL posted some pics from her bday party when we went dancing on fb. A particular pic got quite a bit of attention from the woman on both of our friends lists (it was a pic of the 2 of us) but they were all saying how "good he looked", "who was the movie star I was hanging out with?", etc. I am used to all this, and I know my hubby loves me so I am not threatened by it, but a few comments really got to me. One was, “WOW, how did you get such a hot husband?“ Really, just because I am fat means I can't get the attention of a hot guy?! The other one that always freaks me out is “you better watch out, someone is going to come along and steal him!“ So, while at work today, one of my co-workers and fb friends sees me and says, “WOW girl, your hubby is really good looking!!!! If after your surgery he decides he still likes fluff instead of skinny, tell him I am his girl!!! lol“ WTF!! She was laughing, but I was going crazy in my head!!!! This is one of my biggest fears!!! I have always been fat, my hubby married me fat! Will he still love me if I get skinny? He has made comments about others that he feels are too skinny or lost too much weight. What if I am no longer who he wants? What if I live through surgery and actually succeed in weightloss? I know it sounds silly, but it is a huge fear of mine right now.

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