mooshiegirl

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Well, I am now 5 months out from my second plastic surgery.  I had an upper body lift and brachioplasty this time!  I am in awe!!!!  It made such a difference to have the upper body lift!!  I promise to add pictures.  I am unhappy with my brachoplasty (arms) through no fault of my surgeon-- I want to make that clear...I just had some pulling on my scar and I personally had lumps on the outside or tops of my arms which he did lipo on but I want more.  So he is going to do a revision to take my old scar out and I am going to get even more lipo done.  So for the price of the lipo, he is actually going to do that and redo the entire brachioplasty to tighten things up even more!!!   YAY!!!!!  Well, yay once I figure out where on earth to find that money...I am still struggling with payments for my other 2 surgeries!! 

I feel amazing.  I was never discriminated before, but I notice how much nicer people are to me know.  I am turning heads, and I am having a good and a bad time with it as I am sure many of you have experienced.  I just want to scream--I AM THE SAME PERSON I WAS BEFORE!!!!!  But I guess no one was willing to see me until now.

I am anxiously awaiting next month, when I get to have my "final" plastic surgery.  It will be amazing to get my arms done and my back fat taken off.  I am expected to have an hourglass shape when all is done!!  I just can't believe it.  I mean I actually had to return a size large to Victoria Secret's and get a medium instead!  Me, in a medium....I think the last time I wore a medium was when I wad 10 years old! I just wish people around me understood this transformation I was going through.  I think many people see it as me flashing around vanity and money.  When that couldn't be further from the truth!  Number one--I am in so much debt because of all this it is not even funny!!!  I just have faith that the money will be there when I need it.  Number two--Yes, I am excited to have a flat stomach, and soon to have flat back and skinny arms.  But that was not the actual reason for the surgery.  Let me explain:  I have felt "skinny" all my life.  No one saw that person but me.  And the worst part of weight loss was that even after loosing almost 130 lbs, I STILL looked fat!!!!!!  People still saw a fat girl!  And for me, it was like wearing the shame of my heavier days all around me.  I couldn't even exercise at the gym without my fat stomach slapping up and down when I ran on the treadmill!  How embarrasing!!!  Surgery is to allow for the person on the inside to FINALLY be reflected on the outside for everyone else to see and appreciate.  I am not defined by my weight and I could not escape that until I got to cut off the constant reminder of it. 

So yes, I keep rubbing my hands across my abdomen....I do it frequently.  But that is not to show off to others.  It is in my own amazement because I have NEVER had a flat stomach, I don't know what life is without the curtain of fat around me.  I am blown away every time my hand brushes over because there is not longer a shelf to set my arms on!

I just wish people would understand!