Excitement

Dec 20, 2008

I am anxiously awaiting next month, when I get to have my "final" plastic surgery.  It will be amazing to get my arms done and my back fat taken off.  I am expected to have an hourglass shape when all is done!!  I just can't believe it.  I mean I actually had to return a size large to Victoria Secret's and get a medium instead!  Me, in a medium....I think the last time I wore a medium was when I wad 10 years old! I just wish people around me understood this transformation I was going through.  I think many people see it as me flashing around vanity and money.  When that couldn't be further from the truth!  Number one--I am in so much debt because of all this it is not even funny!!!  I just have faith that the money will be there when I need it.  Number two--Yes, I am excited to have a flat stomach, and soon to have flat back and skinny arms.  But that was not the actual reason for the surgery.  Let me explain:  I have felt "skinny" all my life.  No one saw that person but me.  And the worst part of weight loss was that even after loosing almost 130 lbs, I STILL looked fat!!!!!!  People still saw a fat girl!  And for me, it was like wearing the shame of my heavier days all around me.  I couldn't even exercise at the gym without my fat stomach slapping up and down when I ran on the treadmill!  How embarrasing!!!  Surgery is to allow for the person on the inside to FINALLY be reflected on the outside for everyone else to see and appreciate.  I am not defined by my weight and I could not escape that until I got to cut off the constant reminder of it. 

So yes, I keep rubbing my hands across my abdomen....I do it frequently.  But that is not to show off to others.  It is in my own amazement because I have NEVER had a flat stomach, I don't know what life is without the curtain of fat around me.  I am blown away every time my hand brushes over because there is not longer a shelf to set my arms on!

I just wish people would understand!

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